Your workplace in buzzwords

[Addy]

poke yoke
knob jockey
fat bastard
shortages
fucking S.A.P.

 

[dylanredefined]

current operational enviorment
Peace support operations
effects based
network based something or other fortunatly too low down in pecking order
to need or know any of the buzz words just rembering the top one makes me look like I am some sort of guru to be honest .

 

[Kanda]

Generally obscenities in most sentences, the traders/brokers in my office are, suprise, generally utter twunts!

 

[Corax]

SLA
OJEU
PQQ
ITT
SID
JIT
Alcatel

 

[May Kasahara]

step change

WTF does this even mean? Why can't people just say 'change'? Fucking public sector is a load of fucking shite.

 

[marty21]

minimising void periods
abc
asbo
eot forms
tenancy audit
sign up
tenancy agreement
estate inspection
relet
sign up

 

[Brainaddict]

step change

WTF does this even mean? Why can't people just say 'change'? Fucking public sector is a load of fucking shite.

But if it's a cross-cutting issue spearheaded by a change leader that successfully champions a corporate priority then surely a step change is inevitable

Just writing that made me want to chop my own fingers off

 

[DotCommunist]

Metaphor
Synedoche
Ekphrastic
*goes glassy eyed*

 

[May Kasahara]

But if it's a cross-cutting issue spearheaded by a change leader that successfully champions a corporate priority then surely a step change is inevitable

Just writing that made me want to chop my own fingers off

I can see why you want that non-office-based job so badly!

 

[Yetman]

Top 5
Bitch
Fit
Tits
Fat bitch
Marry/Shag/Kiss
Office party
Pub
Sick

Its a bit juvenile in here at the moment but its better than all that buzzword shite. They tried to suck me into that shit but they can cock the fuck off out of it son.

 

[Brainaddict]

I can see why you want that non-office-based job so badly!

Too fucking right.

 

[moose]

eLearning
iLearning
webinar
confercast
mousefall


...it's all bollocks.

 

[equationgirl]

value release proposition
markets
technology
intellectual assets
proactive
muppetry
buffertastic
arsing fuckwittery
knobend

I tend to swear a lot at work...

 

[May Kasahara]

eLearning
webinar

*gives moose a sorrowful high five*

 

[Brainaddict]

eLearning
iLearning
webinar
confercast
mousefall

Christ almight, I'm surprised you have killed anyone. Webinar? WEBINAR??!!

 

[g force]

Oh don't...Webinars are the work of Satan!

Show and Tell (aka lie and over-promise)
Leverage
Holistic

 

[Dovydaitis]

LV41367
no delivery before xmas
brewage
chocs
specification

 

[vauxhallmum]

Darling
Heavy Pencil
Smart Casual
Early 30's nice mum
£250 plus repeats
Press night
loveyoubye

 

[the button]

evidence (as a verb)
indicator
scorecard

 

[Pieface]

Top 5
Bitch
Fit
Tits
Fat bitch
Marry/Shag/Kiss
Office party
Pub
Sick

Its a bit juvenile in here at the moment but its better than all that buzzword shite. They tried to suck me into that shit but they can cock the fuck off out of it son.

sounds like mine except you need to put the word "football" in between all of those.

 

[Cloo]

Acquisitions
Thud factor (this refers to large reference tomes we sometimes produce!)
Market-led
Consolidation

 

[Yuwipi Woman]

Pica
Points
Dpi
Pdf
Hardbound
Softbound
Webpress
Pasteup
Coverstock
Margins
Banner line
Running head

And we arn't allowed to use the word "Problem." It isn't a "problem" its an "issue."

 

[May Kasahara]

full fat Level 2

I struggle to read documents at my work sometimes, there is such a high level of jargony bullshit going on.

 

[sleaterkinney]

fuck(ing)
intellectual wasteland
low hanging fruit
workflow management
process re-alignment
virtual
easy win
reduce volatility

I'm worried that I don't notice them any more.

 

[Orang Utan]

Tea
Cakes
Massive Wanker

 

[Brainaddict]

priority workstream
yanks

 

[Idaho]

Culture shift
Milestones
Step-change (again)

My personal favourites are 'resource' and 'actions', as in:

"Do we have any resource to cover these actions?" (trans: who is going to do the work?)