Vintage Paw
dead stare and computer glare
I know who M is
I am trying to figure out if I know the others.
You half vaguely know B-S. S wasn't there (thank god)
Your Colleagues: Get it All Off Your Chest
- Thread starter Poot
- Start date
You half vaguely know B-S. S wasn't there (thank god)
If that's warm, I'd love to see you do 'slightly prickly'
Dear colleague,
Thank you so much for employing my staff for me, I really am pleased that you picked someone who can barely speak English at all. I am so happy to have a conversation seven times before I understand what she is saying. It was such a nice surprise to come back to after my holiday. I truly loved your explanation of hiring her because you felt sorry for her. This is the sort of high brow quality recruitment we need in our team to ensure that standards are high. I wouldn't have seen the merit in employing a non English speaker who has no experience, but your judgement was great!
And thank you too my old boss, you rightly gave up any power in chosing your staff, that's always a wise move, you trusted anothers judgement - nice one.
To my current boss, how I love your sarcastic and patronising tone. It's hilarious. I never want to smack you in the face with an iron when you do it.
Thank you so much for employing my staff for me, I really am pleased that you picked someone who can barely speak English at all. I am so happy to have a conversation seven times before I understand what she is saying. It was such a nice surprise to come back to after my holiday. I truly loved your explanation of hiring her because you felt sorry for her. This is the sort of high brow quality recruitment we need in our team to ensure that standards are high. I wouldn't have seen the merit in employing a non English speaker who has no experience, but your judgement was great!
And thank you too my old boss, you rightly gave up any power in chosing your staff, that's always a wise move, you trusted anothers judgement - nice one.
To my current boss, how I love your sarcastic and patronising tone. It's hilarious. I never want to smack you in the face with an iron when you do it.
To the woman up the office, sorry I don't know your name.
Could you please stop wearing your hair in a side ponytail, it's getting on my nerves and one day I'm going to come and straighten it up for you. You're not a teenager and it looks quite ridiculous. I've got a feeling you think it looks cute. It really doesn't.
Thank you.
Could you please stop wearing your hair in a side ponytail, it's getting on my nerves and one day I'm going to come and straighten it up for you. You're not a teenager and it looks quite ridiculous. I've got a feeling you think it looks cute. It really doesn't.
Thank you.
To the woman up the office, sorry I don't know your name.
Could you please stop wearing your hair in a side ponytail, it's getting on my nerves and one day I'm going to come and straighten it up for you. You're not a teenager and it looks quite ridiculous. I've got a feeling you think it looks cute. It really doesn't.
Thank you.
She might not like your sour face
She might not like your sour face
I always smile sweetly at her hactually. I can be a right two faced madam when I need to be.
You mean smugly, 'cos you don't have a daft pony tail.
DotCommunist
So many particulars. So many questions.
To the woman up the office, sorry I don't know your name.
Could you please stop wearing your hair in a side ponytail, it's getting on my nerves and one day I'm going to come and straighten it up for you. You're not a teenager and it looks quite ridiculous. I've got a feeling you think it looks cute. It really doesn't.
Thank you.
go sisters!
Structaural
in Chatsubo
To W the designer: Just because some of my job description is to Artwork, it does not mean I exist merely to painstakingly correct your shoddy work all the time; rather than send the image repeatedly back to me with 'move this point' and 'delete this point' how about you fucking do it yourself. Cheers.
(I actually did say this to the silly bastard, now back to Urban)
(I actually did say this to the silly bastard, now back to Urban)
seeformiles
Lost in the wood
To my Boss,
It's all too obvious that you've been promoted well beyond your abilities, have mortgaged yourself up the hilt with your pay rise and now shit yourself every time you come to work since you're floundering badly. It's also obvious that you've never had an original idea in your entire life and rely on me (and other people paid considerably less than you) to supply you with every initiative and decision you have ever taken. If we didn't do this, you would no doubt treat us as shittily as those people you allegedly "manage" who you feel you don't need and on whom you take out your frustrations. Also obvious is the way you enquire as to my welfare if I have a day off sick but that's just you crapping your pants once more. I'm getting tired of waking up in the morning and wondering what idiotic thing I'll have to talk you out of doing today since you're incapable of thinking an idea through. Also just as well you don't realise I've been revising my CV (as are the other people you leech off) and we all hope to leave you up shit creek as soon as we are able. Fuckwit!
(I feel a bit better now!)
It's all too obvious that you've been promoted well beyond your abilities, have mortgaged yourself up the hilt with your pay rise and now shit yourself every time you come to work since you're floundering badly. It's also obvious that you've never had an original idea in your entire life and rely on me (and other people paid considerably less than you) to supply you with every initiative and decision you have ever taken. If we didn't do this, you would no doubt treat us as shittily as those people you allegedly "manage" who you feel you don't need and on whom you take out your frustrations. Also obvious is the way you enquire as to my welfare if I have a day off sick but that's just you crapping your pants once more. I'm getting tired of waking up in the morning and wondering what idiotic thing I'll have to talk you out of doing today since you're incapable of thinking an idea through. Also just as well you don't realise I've been revising my CV (as are the other people you leech off) and we all hope to leave you up shit creek as soon as we are able. Fuckwit!
(I feel a bit better now!)
QueenOfGoths
Fuck you Dave!
I don't care if people say you're just a grumpy sod, I can't take much more of this moping around thinking the world owes you a fucking favour!! We could all be miserable cunts and sigh when we're asked to do something, but we don't we get on with our jobs.
I was just about to write a similar thing about one of my colleaguesIt is shit when you do something wrong and have to correct it, it is even shitter when the boss points out your mistake ... but it is still your mistake, it is still you who has done it wrong. Moaning and grumbling to yourself about it won't get it done or make it right. And though I really don't like the boss she was right to point it out in this case and even if she had dceided to re-do the work herself, which she did discuss doing, you would have then just complained about that. Because you like complaining!
equationgirl
Respect my existence or expect my resistance
(Warning: this may take a few posts and some time)
E - Get some backbone and stand up to your boss. Start thinking for yourself and act your age, not your shoe size. How the fuck you got hired at the salary you're on when I'm running a department for less than half your salary I'll never know. Be a man! Be competent, and if that's too hard, please stop being a fuckwit and driving the rest of us insane.
All our senior managers - you are, to a man, some of THE most arrogant knobended cuntfuckles I have ever had the misfortune to meet. Do the decent thing for once in your lives and leave. Just fuck off. We're all sick of your pathetic schoolboy gameplaying. You may not need to work because of your vast fortunes made in the 1980s, but some of us were only children then and didn't have the opportunity at the age of 8 to work 'in the City'.
Also, F, please realise that the junior staff (bar one) can't afford to actually buy property at the moment, so moaning about the cost of your international property empire to us isn't going to get you a) sympathy or b) respect. We do feel for you though, so we thought we'd each donate a piece of skin off our backs to assist with the roofing repairs, seeing as our salaries won't stretch to actual cash donations. Boss, I'd just like to thank you for not being off sick for so long because I love doing the work of 3 people for a crap salary. When is A coming back to work, by the way? Oh right, she's your mate, so you'll look out for her and screw me over.
And S, we really couldn't give a flying fuck that you took a client shooting at your own expense because you're trying to tap them up for a shitty deal to screw the company over, we'd much rather you actually did some sodding work instead. I know, it's such a wadical suggestion, isn't it?
But most of all, L, stop patonising me and start listening to what I say. Just because I am woman it does not mean that I am incapable of understanding 'technical stuff'. You and I both know your incompetence is running your project into the ground, and right now, I'm trying to help you from fucking it up beyond redemption. So, when I ask you for stuff, just do what I politely ask and stop being a twat. Better yet, leave.
Gosh, I feel so much better.
E - Get some backbone and stand up to your boss. Start thinking for yourself and act your age, not your shoe size. How the fuck you got hired at the salary you're on when I'm running a department for less than half your salary I'll never know. Be a man! Be competent, and if that's too hard, please stop being a fuckwit and driving the rest of us insane.
All our senior managers - you are, to a man, some of THE most arrogant knobended cuntfuckles I have ever had the misfortune to meet. Do the decent thing for once in your lives and leave. Just fuck off. We're all sick of your pathetic schoolboy gameplaying. You may not need to work because of your vast fortunes made in the 1980s, but some of us were only children then and didn't have the opportunity at the age of 8 to work 'in the City'.
Also, F, please realise that the junior staff (bar one) can't afford to actually buy property at the moment, so moaning about the cost of your international property empire to us isn't going to get you a) sympathy or b) respect. We do feel for you though, so we thought we'd each donate a piece of skin off our backs to assist with the roofing repairs, seeing as our salaries won't stretch to actual cash donations. Boss, I'd just like to thank you for not being off sick for so long because I love doing the work of 3 people for a crap salary. When is A coming back to work, by the way? Oh right, she's your mate, so you'll look out for her and screw me over.
And S, we really couldn't give a flying fuck that you took a client shooting at your own expense because you're trying to tap them up for a shitty deal to screw the company over, we'd much rather you actually did some sodding work instead. I know, it's such a wadical suggestion, isn't it?
But most of all, L, stop patonising me and start listening to what I say. Just because I am woman it does not mean that I am incapable of understanding 'technical stuff'. You and I both know your incompetence is running your project into the ground, and right now, I'm trying to help you from fucking it up beyond redemption. So, when I ask you for stuff, just do what I politely ask and stop being a twat. Better yet, leave.
Gosh, I feel so much better.
equationgirl
Respect my existence or expect my resistance
Dear M, W, L & S
You and Mr S keep me sane. You're fab, all of you.
Best wishes
EG
You and Mr S keep me sane. You're fab, all of you.
Best wishes
EG
Funky_monks
Neo-Rustic
Dear Boss -
I wish, occasionaly, you might plan something instead of charging headlong at it. Don't be surprised when it fucks up. For example: Arriving at 3.30 when it gets dark at 4 to load two very large pigs into a trailer in the pissing rain is never going to be a barrel of laughs. You're surprised you got stuck in a 2WD in a pig enclosure? Those fuckers weigh over 200lbs, I cant just 'give em a shove'.
Oh, and give me CDs back!
Fish: You can fuck off too.
I wish, occasionaly, you might plan something instead of charging headlong at it. Don't be surprised when it fucks up. For example: Arriving at 3.30 when it gets dark at 4 to load two very large pigs into a trailer in the pissing rain is never going to be a barrel of laughs. You're surprised you got stuck in a 2WD in a pig enclosure? Those fuckers weigh over 200lbs, I cant just 'give em a shove'.
Oh, and give me CDs back!
Fish: You can fuck off too.
Grrr
This isn't about a colleague as such, but it is about someone who's chucked a spanner in the works. He promised me that sorting out copyright on a couple of things I want to use would be no problem at all. When I asked, he said airily, 'Oh yes, just chuck me an email when you're ready and I can sort that out for you in days.' So, I duly select what I want and email him nearly three weeks ago. Just before the weekend I get an email back making all kinds of difficulties - he needs this and that and t'other done before he'll even begin to help. I'm quite happy to go along with what he wants me to do, but he knows I'm pushed for time so why the fuck has he started making difficulties at this stage of the game?
This isn't about a colleague as such, but it is about someone who's chucked a spanner in the works. He promised me that sorting out copyright on a couple of things I want to use would be no problem at all. When I asked, he said airily, 'Oh yes, just chuck me an email when you're ready and I can sort that out for you in days.' So, I duly select what I want and email him nearly three weeks ago. Just before the weekend I get an email back making all kinds of difficulties - he needs this and that and t'other done before he'll even begin to help. I'm quite happy to go along with what he wants me to do, but he knows I'm pushed for time so why the fuck has he started making difficulties at this stage of the game?
lillia
Dancin'
Sir,
You are the director of a large plc. Has it not occured to you that when admin staff ask you to sign s/thing off for their department that it probably WASN'T them who ordered it in the first place, but they are simply doing their fucking job?
See - that's why my title isn't 'she-who-orders' or 'boss-lady-who -orders-and-makes-admin-staff-get-things-signed-off-later'. I am merely the poor sod who has to try to get you to sign something off that hasn't been authorised. So take your arsey comments, pass them to the relevant people or shove 'em.
Thanks.
*starts breathing again*
You are the director of a large plc. Has it not occured to you that when admin staff ask you to sign s/thing off for their department that it probably WASN'T them who ordered it in the first place, but they are simply doing their fucking job?
See - that's why my title isn't 'she-who-orders' or 'boss-lady-who -orders-and-makes-admin-staff-get-things-signed-off-later'. I am merely the poor sod who has to try to get you to sign something off that hasn't been authorised. So take your arsey comments, pass them to the relevant people or shove 'em.
Thanks.
*starts breathing again*
lillia
Dancin'
astral
author unknown
LEARN HOW TO PLAN A FUCKING IMPLEMENTATION PROGRAMME PROPERLY AND STOP EXPECTING ME TO CLEAN UP YOUR MESS AND MANAGE YOUR STAFF BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BE ARSED TO
*ahem*
Additionally if you could possibly not demand that I interview for a promotion with a three panel interview, presentation and projected figures for the next three years, before telling me that the structure is changing again and you are no longer sure the role I've interviewed for still exists while still expecting me to manage people who are better paid than me, that would be really nice.
*ahem*
Additionally if you could possibly not demand that I interview for a promotion with a three panel interview, presentation and projected figures for the next three years, before telling me that the structure is changing again and you are no longer sure the role I've interviewed for still exists while still expecting me to manage people who are better paid than me, that would be really nice.
equationgirl
Respect my existence or expect my resistance
D
You know fine well that M has spent most of his allotted time at the last few monthly meetings bitching about delays to his contracts and making no allowance for me having to run the department singlehandedly due to the longterm absence of two senior colleagues. I can't rustle up a contract in a matter of minutes, especially if I keep having to go backwards and forwards because M doesn't bother telling me the whole story about what the contract is supposed to be covering. So, if I have had enough of being blamed for something that isn't my fault and talk in a pissed-off tone of voice, don't have a 'quiet word' about me being 'agressive' to him in the latest monthly meeting.
Especially when you allow F to come in late and start behaving in the exact manner you excused me of.
You know fine well that M has spent most of his allotted time at the last few monthly meetings bitching about delays to his contracts and making no allowance for me having to run the department singlehandedly due to the longterm absence of two senior colleagues. I can't rustle up a contract in a matter of minutes, especially if I keep having to go backwards and forwards because M doesn't bother telling me the whole story about what the contract is supposed to be covering. So, if I have had enough of being blamed for something that isn't my fault and talk in a pissed-off tone of voice, don't have a 'quiet word' about me being 'agressive' to him in the latest monthly meeting.
Especially when you allow F to come in late and start behaving in the exact manner you excused me of.
