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worst song evar

killer b

[distant cheering]
i was driven out of a pub the other night by a truly dismal pop-punk version of the proclaimers' '500 miles'. i honestly don't think i've ever heard anything so poor in my life. (google suggests it's either pennywise or less than jake - i suspect less than jake, but no audio on this computer).

what't the worst thing you've ever heard? no obvious shit please... :)

edit - it could even be spunge...
 

The Groke

hot hail/Paging Dr. Beat
I feel you creepin', I can see you from my shadow.
Wanna jump up in my Lamborghini Gallardo.
Maybe go to my place and just kick it, like Taebo.
And possibly bend you over.
Look back and watch me
Smack that, all on the floor,
Smack that, give me some more,
Smack that, 'till you get sore
Smack that, oooh.
Smack that, all on the floor,
Smack that, give me some more,
Smack that, 'till you get sore,
Smack that, oooh.


:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:.....damn, maxed out on madfaces and it is NOWHERE NEAR ENOUGH.
 

Paulie Tandoori

shut it you egg!
you can do better than that, paulie. :(

swarf - you dissapoint me. smack that is a tune.
soz mate but i can't. their entire arse-wipe of output universally overshadows my whole other musical universe.

i've even got a kenny everett album of the 20 worst songs ever on puke green vinyl and they're all good compared, honest :)
 

mattie

missing in inaction
I was once hounded out of a pub by the Lighthouse Family on continuous loop on the free jukebox.
 

Firky

The first of the gang
Banned
Coldplay made me walk of woolies because I couldn't bare the song but Brand New Heavies - Midnight At The Oasis makes me want to tear my own head off.
 

perplexis

A change of scene, a change of style....
<...>Brand New Heavies - Midnight At The Oasis makes me want to tear my own head off.
Good call I fucking hate that song it grates so hard. I don't know if there can be a "worst song evar" there's so many fucking awful ones to choose from, but then thankfully they disappear.
I mean M People, FFS, horrible but vanished
Lighthouse Family also gone (actually I had to endure some of their shit in a pub the other day it was very painful)
I can't remember the last time I heard any Mariah Carey.

But I think the nexus of shocking crap that is Chris Martin + Kanye West is the one that does it for me recently. I can't believe how amazingly insulting the combination of blandest fake-indie with blandest R&B is to mine ears :mad:
 

SpookyFrank

Self-cleaning oven, the whole bit.
'Fix you' by Coldplay. If you're going to make a whole song that's pretty much just a vocal and some chords on a synth, make sure the singer is actually capable of singing in tune first.
 

cliche guevara

Well-Known Member
I heard a song on Radio One yesterday which was some guy rapping over The Cure. That made me want to go postal, was truely the worst thing I have ever heard, it didn't even go! I can understand sampling, but this was just the whole song, with Robert Smiths beautiful vocals replaced with bad rapping. Should be illegal. Edith Bowman clearly hated it too.
 

SpookyFrank

Self-cleaning oven, the whole bit.
Oh, and that Nancy Sinatra song 'my baby shot me down' when some fucktard 'remixed' it by tacking a shit drum machine beat on top and cutting the vocal track up a bit. Every time I hear it on the radio I think to myself 'I love this song' and then those fucking drums come in and my heart breaks every time :(
 

cliche guevara

Well-Known Member
Oh, and that Nancy Sinatra song 'my baby shot me down' when some fucktard 'remixed' it by tacking a shit drum machine beat on top and cutting the vocal track up a bit. Every time I hear it on the radio I think to myself 'I love this song' and then those fucking drums come in and my heart breaks every time :(
Wasn't that Audio Bullys? I quite like them :oops:
 

Augie March

can i offer you a nice egg in this trying time?
Ok, it's recent and it's pretty obvious... but it has to be Rockstar by Nickelback.

It's a turgid, shit-infested, plodding 'rock' song that is so by-numbers and so painfully obvious, that even tone-deaf, musically inept people like myself can probably predict every chord change in it.

Then add to that, the fact that Chad Kroeger has a voice that that makes the death knell of a cute kitty being sadisticly maimed sound positively endearing.

And then there's the lyrics. The fucking, patronising, appeal-to-the-lowest common demoniator, ego-inflating, materialistic utter wankfest that are the lyrics. This is what truly makes this abomination, the worst song of all time. Example:

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses, driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blonde hair


And you know, there is isn't a trace of irony in there. It's like a prayer for the desperate. An ode to everything that's crass and pathetic about the modern world. It's Paris Hilton in songform. Hell, it should probably be the new American national anthem.

And that is why I believe, Cockstar, I mean Rockstar, is the worst song ever. :)

*goes for a lie down
 

SpookyFrank

Self-cleaning oven, the whole bit.
Wasn't that Audio Bullys? I quite like them :oops:
Yes, they are fucking superb aren't they? I can barely comprehend the vast musical genius that must be required to come up with 'that's a good song, let's chuck a cheesy drumbeat at it and get rich for our trouble' :mad:
 

cliche guevara

Well-Known Member
Yes, they are fucking superb aren't they? I can barely comprehend the vast musical genius that must be required to come up with 'that's a good song, let's chuck a cheesy drumbeat at it and get rich for our trouble' :mad:
I never said they were clever, just that I quite like them. Maybe you should go have a little lie down.
 

editor

hiraethified
'Mind Train' by Yoko Ono has to be a contender.


It really is in a league above (below) what's been offered on this thread so far (think, 'drowning cat').
 
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