why hasn't hollywood 'done' ninjas yet?

[STFC]

Ah yes, Revenge of the Ninja was another favourite.

If I remember correctly, in that one the 'hero' gets shot about 100 times by the police but survives by throwing a smoke bomb at his feet and disappearing. He could also leap tall buildings.

 

[isitme]

Nah. You want 35 minutes of her getting upset at being expected to sweep the dojo and keep breaking her nails or something, then 5 mins of montage where she actually does the training, having realised that in making her sweep the dojo, the master is teaching her humility and patience.

Could she be a sex ninja? Like do some kinda ninja style Xenia Onatop action?

nah the training would be better, ninja training looks awesome. trying to escape from all the other ninja, break into each others house, learning how to hypnotise people etc


this is why ninja are soooo coool cos they don't just sneak around killing people, they do pretty much anything

 

[STFC]

Then there was this one, which I seem to remember was a bit racy in parts:

My friend Lee's mum caught us watching it and wasn't impressed. I think it was the bit where the 'heroine' (who I now know was Lucinda Dickey of Breakdance fame) kills a bloke in a jacuzzi with a poisoned needle cunningly disguised as a ring.

 

[isitme]

Then there was this one, which I seem to remember was a bit racy in parts:

My friend Lee's mum caught us watching it and wasn't impressed. I think it was the bit where the 'heroine' (who I now know was Lucinda Dickey of Breakdance fame) kills a bloke in a jacuzzi with a poisoned needle cunningly disguised as a ring.

i used to have that. i think i saw the bit on the golf course about 100 times age 8 - 12

 

[STFC]

i used to have that. i think i saw the bit on the golf course about 100 times age 8 - 12

Actually I think I got Revenge of the Ninja mixed up with this one.

The golf course scene is where the evil ninja gets shot up by the cops, right? Then his spirit possesses Special K out of Breakdance and she seduces one of the cops by pouring fruit juice down her front?

 

[isitme]

yeah

they never explain why the old japanese ninja was on a golf course or how she got possesed by him

that was a proper video that

a ninja killing american golfers and cops, then some soft porn, then some assasinations

fuck DVD

 

[kyser_soze]

Japanese peeps are well into their golf, innit?

 

[STFC]

yeah

they never explain why the old japanese ninja was on a golf course or how she got possesed by him

that was a proper video that

a ninja killing american golfers and cops, then some soft porn, then some assasinations

fuck DVD

I can't believe it's been a quarter of a century since I saw it last.

Wonder if it's on DVD?

 

[Gromit]

Could we combine zombie and ninja films so that when you get off'd by the ninja you come back as a ninja and start attacking everyone too? Towns full of ninjas as a the pandemic spreads across america.

The assailants can be stopped by Removing the Mask or Destroying the Brain

Zombie ninjas ftw!

 

[STFC]

That would be ridiculous.

 

[Gromit]

That would be ridiculous.

Yer only jealous that i came up with it first.

 

[STFC]

Pphh.

Just bought American Ninja on DVD for £2.99 off eBay (free p+p!).

 

[isitme]

ninja zombies is a rubbish idea, ninja are the opposite of zombies

even tho there are only probably ever about 100 proper ninjas in the world, you still wouldn't want to fuck with them.

maybe that's why noone makes ninja films

 

[no-no]

Ninjas are tacky

 

[isitme]

no they aren't

 

[STFC]

Ninjas are tacky

You're weird.

 

[isitme]

anyway. tackiness isn't a very good reason that hollywood hasn't done something

'why don't we make a ninja film?'

'no that's too tacky, lets do a romantic comedy where jennifer aniston is rachel from friends only a bit older and hugh grant is hugh grant only a bit older and they meet in some strange way and fall in love'

 

[STFC]

Jennifer Aniston in a remake of Ninja III: The Domination could work.

 

[FridgeMagnet]

I wonder why Hollywood's never done any films about cops? Or cowboys. Both of those groups sound like there would be a potential for dramatic situations in their lives.

 

[isitme]

bumbling ninja hughmoto grantshinada spits a needle with a slow acting poison at his snooty japanese girlfriend but hits feisty american reporter jennifer aniston. instead of vanishing like a ninja would he has 24 hours to help her find a cure. travelling around tokyo and the sorrounding countryside they fall in love and both learn a lot from each other...

 

[isitme]

I wonder why Hollywood's never done any films about cops? Or cowboys. Both of those groups sound like there would be a potential for dramatic situations in their lives.

plenty of cop and cowboy films recently

the cowboy genre has been so milked to death they even got cowboys to bum each other just to stay in popular conciousness

ninja films haven't been part of hollywood for 20 odd years, they are due a decent one

 

[DotCommunist]

plenty of cop and cowboy films recently

the cowboy genre has been so milked to death they even got cowboys to bum each other just to stay in popular conciousness

ninja films haven't been part of hollywood for 20 odd years, they are due a decent one

Next stop, cowboy rimming.

 

[fogbat]

bumbling ninja hughmoto grantshinada spits a needle with a slow acting poison at his snooty japanese girlfriend but hits feisty american reporter jennifer aniston. instead of vanishing like a ninja would he has 24 hours to help her find a cure. travelling around tokyo and the sorrounding countryside they fall in love and both learn a lot from each other...

 

[Termite Man]

plenty of cop and cowboy films recently

the cowboy genre has been so milked to death they even got cowboys to bum each other just to stay in popular conciousness

ninja films haven't been part of hollywood for 20 odd years, they are due a decent one

can't you see where it will all lead then . You get a few ninja films and your happy but then hollywood realises that ninja film make money and churn out any old bollocks so you can't find the good ninja films amongst the bad and then someone decides to do gay ninjas .

 

[upsidedownwalrus]

in the last decade we've had way too many zombie films, a massive pirate franchise, loads of robot films etc

why have they not gotten around to ninjas?

there must be plenty of mugs like me who'd go and see anything that was even vaguely good about or heavily featuring shinobi assasins/thieves etc

One of the reasons I dug Batman Begins so much was the use of Ninjas at a time when it was something of a throwback thing to use.

 

[rikwakefield]

Did you not see this one ninj?

"The laughs never stop"

I can still hear them!

 

[isitme]

i love on that poster how they say that the marketing strategy of cashing in on two above average kids films is the best thing about the film

 

[ajk]

They need to do a ninja v pirates film, but where they end up having to band together against alien snake robots or dinosaurs or something.

 

[isitme]

They need to do a ninja v pirates film, but where they end up having to band together against alien snake robots or dinosaurs or something.

this is the kind of ignorance that ninjas are up against

because ninjas don't have lives outside of their ninja clan it could be like killbill minus all the boring bits

what a lot of people don't realise is that not all ninjas were mercenaries, many of them just protected their communities or lived in ninja communities dedicating their life to their art

ninjitsu would have been an amazing thing in a country where samurai roamed around doing what the fuck they liked to anybody cos noone except them could afford swords.

 

[ajk]

Yeah, but alien snake robots.