Why don't we like to look excited/enthusiastic/impressed?

[Pieface]

People who are overly enthusiastic annoy me cos they seem so insincere - there's a woman at work (posh of course) who says 'HIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!' everytime I see her, even when I'm just walking down the corridor. I want to kill her.

I think I used to work with her as well So over the top about everything that I found myself physically backing away from her when she approached.

I love enthusiasm but, ahem, it has its place y'know?

 

[tastebud]

Comes down to a fear of looking naive, IMO, people want to seem like nothing impresses or surprises them because they've seen it all before, they expect it. Plus a status thing, a perception that the more easily impressed you are, the lower your expectations must be.

I still think this is true though.

 

[goldenecitrone]

whatever.

 

[Dubversion]

I still think this is true though.

i still don't, seriously

i warm to people who are enthusiastic, who seem up for stuff, keen to have fun rather than to dismiss things in a jaded way. yeh, people DO still do it beyond their sulky teenhood, but not that much

 

[fela fan]

That's the thing. I actually like seeing people enthusiastic and impressed. Especially in a child like way.

I dunno though, I don't think I really meant when reacting to things that people love, that's different, I meant a more general trait in an every day life sort of sense. And yeah I think it is also linked to the general state of hating to admit that one is wrong about something (therefore probably perceived as less knowledgeable).

Hasn't anyone here ever been to New York? Unimpressed is classic there. I don't think I'm explaining myself very well though. Or else this thread is just attracting the particularly impressed people.

I'm from england but live in thailand. My observations of thais are that they smile loads, laugh loads, are easily impressed and show it, and in general do their best at enjoying life without trying to show they're not!

My observations on my trips back home are that suddenly i'm back to the english ways. No-one looks at anyone, if i smile it seems they think this is odd, laughing and smiling are a taxed commodity, and it always seems like there are fun inspectors going round making sure people pay if they dare to have fun.

Enthusiasm is a wonderful trait, but only those not worried overly about their image and their ego can display it. Those with big egos to protect could not POSSIBLY display enthusiasm or be seen to be impressed!

And big egos cannot bear the thought of being exposed in public as being wrong about something.

 

[fela fan]

Maybe I should go away and find some actual theory about this - I know I've read it somewhere, at some point - cos I'm perhaps not making much sense at all.

Yeah you are.

Another reason for the state you talk about vixen is it quite likely reflects that person's attitude to life in general. I think a lot of people are just living out their fate, doing nothing to direct it, just in effect waiting out their time.

Fucking boring jobs might have a lot to do with it. Too much regulation might be another (britain is a country of 'no' signs, you look, they're every fucking where telling you all the things that you must not do), too much routine, and so it goes on. Life in thailand has far more unexpected happenings in it, and therefore a lot more different things with which to react to each day. One reason i've lived here so long is that you can always expect the unexpected! Another is that in 15 years i've never been bored once.

Basically enthusiasm in a person is pretty impossible to suppress. So if one don't show it, they don't have it.

And, maybe, people who are never impressed, are never impressive?!

I think you've hit a good note with this thread, and i think people's faces reflect the lives they lead. Certainly in my comparison, life is just so much more alive in thailand than it is in england, or probably any first world developed country. The more security the less freedom...

 

[118118]

I dunno if you could say that all cynicism is faked.

 

[tastebud]

I'm from england but live in thailand. My observations of thais are that they smile loads, laugh loads, are easily impressed and show it, and in general do their best at enjoying life without trying to show they're not!

My observations on my trips back home are that suddenly i'm back to the english ways. No-one looks at anyone, if i smile it seems they think this is odd, laughing and smiling are a taxed commodity, and it always seems like there are fun inspectors going round making sure people pay if they dare to have fun.

Enthusiasm is a wonderful trait, but only those not worried overly about their image and their ego can display it. Those with big egos to protect could not POSSIBLY display enthusiasm or be seen to be impressed!

And big egos cannot bear the thought of being exposed in public as being wrong about something.

Oh God... Thank God! At last someone that gets where I'm coming from. And back onto a *theory* perspective too

to everyone else.

I totally agree about the cultural differences. I think somewhere like Nepal or South East Asia, seem to be happier, more enthusiastic people too. There's also a big difference in this regard if you compare Parisians to people from the South of France, for example.

I think travelling* probably makes you more aware of these differences,
especially when you come back home (particularly coming back to cynical London).
Thinking about it, I've heard BA talk about something similar, and he did a thread in this forum re, cultural differences in regards to experiences of boredom - was an interesting thread.

*not that I've personally been to Thailand, though would very much like to at some point, but I can totally imagine.

britain is a country of 'no' signs

Heh... that sentence makes me think of India.

 

[LDR]

i warm to people who are enthusiastic, who seem up for stuff, keen to have fun rather than to dismiss things in a jaded way. yeh, people DO still do it beyond their sulky teenhood, but not that much

I find people who are jaded and criticise other's interests are very reluctant to talk about their own interests. I find people like that very emotionally draining personally. I’d rather hang with someone who was overly enthusiastic than someone who is jaded.

 

[kyser_soze]

I think I know what Vix is on about - the best example I can use is the differences in audience response. I went to a gig for Aussie band 'The Cat Empire' recently, and while they were good, the predominantly antipodean crowd were going utterly crazy for them; same applied to Fat Freddy's Drop at the Academy - both crowds were cheering at the instrumental breaks for gods sake (you know, cheesy sax break type stuff, or clichéd guitar solos), whereas for most, if not all the gigs I've been to such things get met with a large measure of indifference.

While I can be jaded, if I'm genuinely excited about something I can't contain myself about it and behave like a small child...

 

[boohoo]

I find people who are jaded and criticise other's interests are very reluctant to talk about their own interests. I find people like that very emotionally draining personally. I’d rather hang with someone who was overly enthusiastic than someone who is jaded.

Agree. I enjoy hearing about people's hobbies, interests, whatever makes them tick though unless I'm interested in it, there is only a certain amount of time that I can listen.

 

[Dubversion]

Oh God... Thank God! At last someone that gets where I'm coming from. And back onto a *theory* perspective too

yeh, but have you seen who it is?

 

[Divisive Cotton]

... it's considered uncool to be impressed by, excited, or enthusiastic about things. This tends to stick in adulthood. Nonchalance is seen as more desirable.

I think it's a very British thing - I'm convinced that if I came into work on Monday and told everybody that I had spent the weekend climbing Everest, then all I'd get in response is a slight nod of the head and, That's nice.

 

[tastebud]

yeh, but have you seen who it is?

So what?

 

[upsidedownwalrus]

It's definitely a British thing. Actually thinking about it it's one thing Britons have in common with the Chinese. The Chinese never get excited about anything. If I won 1 million quid tomorrow, Mrs RD's reaction would be along the lines of "That's good".

 

[Dubversion]

So what?

it was a joke, mardychops

 

[jbob]

I'm from england but live in thailand. My observations of thais are that they smile loads, laugh loads, are easily impressed and show it, and in general do their best at enjoying life without trying to show they're not!

My observations on my trips back home are that suddenly i'm back to the english ways. No-one looks at anyone, if i smile it seems they think this is odd, laughing and smiling are a taxed commodity, and it always seems like there are fun inspectors going round making sure people pay if they dare to have fun.

Enthusiasm is a wonderful trait, but only those not worried overly about their image and their ego can display it. Those with big egos to protect could not POSSIBLY display enthusiasm or be seen to be impressed!

And big egos cannot bear the thought of being exposed in public as being wrong about something.

Is there anything quite as tedious as the ex-pat sneering at his/her country of birth? Yeah, England's bollocks - so why do you lot never, ever, stop wittering on about it? Perhaps 'cos you can't cut it here? Maybe?

I've been to Thailand and other places in SE Asia many times (just got back from Thailand 2 weeks ago, in fact), and can say that it ISN'T this land of constantly smiling people, overjoyed to be alive.

It is true that *more* people in Thailand express signs of happiness than in England, but this is more of a cultural norm than anything else. When in Bangkok there are plenty of unsmiling people - why wouldn't there be? Despite the strong religious and cultural imperitives, life in Thailand is extremely hard for most people. Saying people from a developing country are 'easily impressed' sounds kinda patronising to me; I would moreover say that Thai people are generally well mannered - although they can still be rude in their own way (i.e. ignoring a problem - just not dealing with it).

The smiling and so on comes out very much in the same way as most countries - when you make a connection with someone and its reciprocated.

 

[jbob]

Yeah you are.

Another reason for the state you talk about vixen is it quite likely reflects that person's attitude to life in general. I think a lot of people are just living out their fate, doing nothing to direct it, just in effect waiting out their time.

Fucking boring jobs might have a lot to do with it. Too much regulation might be another (britain is a country of 'no' signs, you look, they're every fucking where telling you all the things that you must not do), too much routine, and so it goes on. Life in thailand has far more unexpected happenings in it, and therefore a lot more different things with which to react to each day. One reason i've lived here so long is that you can always expect the unexpected! Another is that in 15 years i've never been bored once.

Quite. I bet those 2.500+ suspected drug dealers shot dead weren't expecting it. Those crazy unpredictable Thais!

Of course, the victims were probably laughing, joking and smiling as the smiling government sponsored police/militia emptied their revolvers into their skulls.

 

[treefrog]

Teaching is a job where to not be enthusiastic means no job satisfaction. I'm genuinely impressed/happy when my students do well, and I'm not afraid to show it either. One thing I've found is that they respond really well when an adult takes a proper interest in what they're doing and is as happy to teach them and listen as they are to be there To show positive emotions like this makes me feel happy and those around me.

 

[girasol]

ok, I think I worked this out on the way home today.

Got on tube carriabe full of school kids, screaming, getting over-excited, etc. one of them nearly made me go deaf when she screamed in my ear. Dirty looks followed, then an apology by her.

The reason we go through a phase where we feel the need to be underwhelmed is because children get over-excited about everything. By adopting this 'cool' attitude we're telling the world and our friends that we are now grown up.

I think most people grow out of this once they get a little older

p.s. haven't read the thread since last time so perhaps someone else has reached the same conclusion...

 

[upsidedownwalrus]

Quite. I bet those 2.500+ suspected drug dealers shot dead weren't expecting it. Those crazy unpredictable Thais!

Of course, the victims were probably laughing, joking and smiling as the smiling government sponsored police/militia emptied their revolvers into their skulls.

He's talking about the Thai culture, not the government!

 

[fela fan]

Is there anything quite as tedious as the ex-pat sneering at his/her country of birth? Yeah, England's bollocks - so why do you lot never, ever, stop wittering on about it? Perhaps 'cos you can't cut it here? Maybe?

I've been to Thailand and other places in SE Asia many times (just got back from Thailand 2 weeks ago, in fact), and can say that it ISN'T this land of constantly smiling people, overjoyed to be alive.

And who said thailand was like that? Your post is littered with your subjective reactions to what i wrote, and it comes out with your various wrong inferences of what i wrote.

As for example in your first sentence. Which is basically a reaction of your fragile ego, and what you perceive a certain group of people to be like. Let's see how far wrong a person can go when imprisoned by their ego and their fixed ideas in life. We'll restrict ourselves to the first paragraph.

I'm not an ex-pat. I wasn't sneering. I may have been tedious to you, even though i wasn't doing what you thought i was doing. But you seem to feel plenty will agree with you.

Bits of england is bollocks, not engand is bollocks.

I am one person, not 'you lot'.

I do not witter, and nor do i witter unceasingly. As it turns out i can say plenty of good things about my own country of birth, and often do so. But you've obviously not seen that, and therefore have concluded i do not do so.

I 'cut it' in england for many years. I went back for a holiday three months ago and thoroughly enjoyed myself, even though i had to wade my way through loads of people on the street who had no eye contact and no smiles for me.

So you see jbob, you've managed to get fuckloads wrong in just the first paragraph.

As it happens life is more fun, more light-hearted, less serious in thailand than in england, and it's why i never left and never returned to england. And people here find more joy in things than they do in england, and show that joy when they find it.

As i was saying in my post above, before you hurtled in with your bruised ego.

 

[fela fan]

It is true that *more* people in Thailand express signs of happiness than in England, but this is more of a cultural norm than anything else. When in Bangkok there are plenty of unsmiling people - why wouldn't there be?

...

The smiling and so on comes out very much in the same way as most countries - when you make a connection with someone and its reciprocated.

A cultural norm eh? Or might it just be that thais have a better ability at realising moments of joy or fun or happiness than the english?

As for Bangkok, i've been watching it westernise itself for 15 years, taking on the habits of a consumptive lifestyle, where one can never get enough.

And you've hit the nail on the head in your last bit. If i smile at a stranger on the street in thailand, i get one back, as you mention. If i do it in england, quite probably i'm seen as somewhat offbeat at best, insane at worst.

But at least i'm probably recognised as a person, if you smile or nod your acquaintance to a south korean, they look right through you.

 

[Yossarian]

A cultural norm eh? Or might it just be that thais have a better ability at realising moments of joy or fun or happiness than the english?

Or maybe it's the Samsong for breakfast...

 

[jbob]

A cultural norm eh? Or might it just be that thais have a better ability at realising moments of joy or fun or happiness than the english?

As for Bangkok, i've been watching it westernise itself for 15 years, taking on the habits of a consumptive lifestyle, where one can never get enough.

And you've hit the nail on the head in your last bit. If i smile at a stranger on the street in thailand, i get one back, as you mention. If i do it in england, quite probably i'm seen as somewhat offbeat at best, insane at worst.

But at least i'm probably recognised as a person, if you smile or nod your acquaintance to a south korean, they look right through you.

First criticism: fair play, got the wrong end of the stick Perhaps I bumped into too many whinging ex-pats and had to let off steam. My apologies.

Y'see I'm just not entirely convinced about the genuine feeling behind the smile in Thailand - hence I suggest that it is merely a cultural norm. Presumably, as you've lived in Asia for long enough (and I'm sure we've discussed this in the past), you know that 'face' is all about supressing/masking feelings. So I think there's some confusion about whether this is a realistic way to assess enthusiasm or even friendliness: it's just what you do.

Having said that, I didn't think that Bangkok was all that different from any other major city in terms of its friendliness/smiling (although it was more well mannnered). Most of these things are mutable, though; when the sun shines in London you see many people smiling and looking happy, when Songkhram's on, Bangkok is an insane festival of enthusiatic silliness.

 

[fela fan]

First criticism: fair play, got the wrong end of the stick Perhaps I bumped into too many whinging ex-pats and had to let off steam. My apologies.

Y'see I'm just not entirely convinced about the genuine feeling behind the smile in Thailand - hence I suggest that it is merely a cultural norm. Presumably, as you've lived in Asia for long enough (and I'm sure we've discussed this in the past), you know that 'face' is all about supressing/masking feelings. So I think there's some confusion about whether this is a realistic way to assess enthusiasm or even friendliness: it's just what you do.

No probs. Oh, and i know some of those ex-pats you refer too, i guess they're all over the world. What you'll notice is that they whinge about both their country of birth, and the one they're living in. Nothing is any good apparantly.

But i personally am a million miles from them, and everything that an 'ex-pat' is. Hence my reply!

One thing about asian countries is that the person could be smiling this radiant smile at you, wishing you the best, yet at the same time hating your guts. Being british, i find this disquieting to say the least.

I won't go into thais and thai society here, i only brought the country up as a comparison point for the purposes of this thread. I still stand by my experience that thais smile more, seem to embrace the concept of fun more.

Ah look, i straying into non-sense a bit, but have just remembered how when i came to thailand i was a jaded cynical western person. For ten years or more i went to the opposite end of this and embraced various thai attitudes towards life.

I have recently simultaneously found myself getting cynical with life again while scratching more and more below the surface of thai society.

So based on cynicsim, or the absence of cynicism, i will say that on the surface (and for quite a time), thailand is a more enthusiastic people than britain.

 

[fela fan]

Or maybe it's the Samsong for breakfast...

I like my beer, but thais' drinking habits leave a lot to be desired. I mean, kicking off the day with all that booze?

But i've been primarily talking about thai women, and their level of parity with men is such that they've yet to become pre-breakfast drunks.