Which kitchen utensil is the best weapon?

[Herbsman.]

Hmm.

If I found an intruder in my kitchen, and it had got to the hitting-them-with-cookware stage, I think that I'd be aiming to hit them as hard as possible to incapacitate them, without necessarily meaning to kill them...but if that happened, that'd just be bad luck.

I don't think that it's really practical, at the point of defending oneself against an attack, to be able to make fine judgements about just how hard - or with what - you're going to hit someone to strike that fine balance between fending them off and doing for them. After all, what happens if you thunk them to the point that they're temporarily stunned, then they get back up off the floor, enraged, and come for you again?

I think the first thing I'd go for is something heavy, try to knock them out and then sit on them so they couldn't get back up. hit them in the face and shoulders and knees with the griddle pan for example.

I'd hate to have to pick up a knife because I know I wouldn't be able to use it. Then I'd get killed, probably. I ain't scared of hitting people, but I just couldn't stab.

 

[Kripcat]

Many, many tins of Pal. Projectile weapons are safest.

 

[LilMissHissyFit]

Ive always thought meat tenderising mallets look a bit gruesome- intended for doing serious damage to meat they would have to be pretty effective

 

[bouncer_the_dog]

With a spatula you could use it as a blunt and chopping weapon and catch knives in it and twist them out of your kitchen assailants hands. Combined with the defensive qualities of a cast iron griddle you would be unstoppable...

 

[mrs quoad]

Many, many tins of Pal. Projectile weapons are safest.

But equally returnable

 

[Kripcat]

But equally returnable

Hadn't thought of that. I'll have to use the fridge door as a shield.

 

[gentlegreen]

As it happens, a few years back I accidentally overordered several large wooden rolling pins - I do believe there's even one in the car behind the driver's seat just in case I need to make pastry on the move.

And I believe the correct approach is limbs only - no head or soft bits.
​

 

[Herbsman.]

human pastry?

 

[dylanredefined]

Kettle its got a handle and if its full it will be heavy .Bonus if its boiled kitchen knife is good but tendency to kill its not like you can stab someone a little bit .Unless intruder fucks off at sight of it you have to bury it in him or he will use it on you imho.

 

[Rohen]

Nine inch carving knife

Boiled kettle

deep fat fryer with hot oil/ pan with oil


Heavy frying pan with heavy base to hit him with Saute pan best

 

[Hi-ASL]

Force them through the mangle.

I assume you have a mangle?

 

[Herbsman.]

Yes, yes I do!