Yetman
Cheesecar Fucksquad #1
I find this quite hard to talk about as it was very traumatic to all involved….but here goes…
I was in my mothers 1.1 fiesta, the old shape, this was back in ’98 y’see, before we had all these modern protection devices such as airbags and bumpers and all that other useless shite. I was roaring along at 20mph, down a narrow road with my mate in the passenger seat. We came to a dead end. FUCK. I checked for escape routes but it seemed the only way out of this damn mess was to turn around and go back the way we came….DOUBLE FUCK. So I stuck the car into reverse, not easy on the old 4 gear cars, y’see back in them days we didn’t have all these fancy 5th gears and all, to us 5th gear was no better than having an amp that went up to 11.
So anyways, I stick the beast into reverse and begin the dangerous 3 point turn that was essential to us getting out of there before night fell. I looked over my shoulder and began to drive backwards, I must have been going at some speed, because out of fucking nowhere comes this wall and smashes into the back of me, causing a nasty knock to my head against the headrest and causing my mate to drop the spliff he was rolling all over the show. SHIT! I said….FUCK! my mate said….SHITFUCK! we both said in unison, this wall had snuck up on us like the coward it was and had taken me from behind like a snivelling little judas twat. I recognised it as looking very similar to this other wall I’d knocked down with a sledgehammer in order to create one big room out of two small ones in my nans house the previous summer. Maybe it was one of its kids out for revenge? Who knows? Walls have no soul….of that I’m sure.
But this is where it gets painful….
It was only after we’d got over the shock of the impact that we realised what had happened, my mate had suffered more than we had first realised, his leg had took a hit. Looked like it caught the window winder down-and-upper, there was blood seeping through his trousers and we had no first aid kit. This was serious, more than a graze, it could have even been sprained. Knowing we had little time, being marooned in this dead end road close to nightfall I had to do something to save him….so I did what any good friend would do. I took out my penkife and took his leg right off there and then, took nearly four hours to get through the bone but I did it and the brave fucker….*tear*…that brave fucker has never stopped thanking me since. I just wish I’d had sharpened that knife the previous morning so it wouldn’t have had to take so long. Sorry….I cant talk about this any more. I, I have to go now.
I was in my mothers 1.1 fiesta, the old shape, this was back in ’98 y’see, before we had all these modern protection devices such as airbags and bumpers and all that other useless shite. I was roaring along at 20mph, down a narrow road with my mate in the passenger seat. We came to a dead end. FUCK. I checked for escape routes but it seemed the only way out of this damn mess was to turn around and go back the way we came….DOUBLE FUCK. So I stuck the car into reverse, not easy on the old 4 gear cars, y’see back in them days we didn’t have all these fancy 5th gears and all, to us 5th gear was no better than having an amp that went up to 11.
So anyways, I stick the beast into reverse and begin the dangerous 3 point turn that was essential to us getting out of there before night fell. I looked over my shoulder and began to drive backwards, I must have been going at some speed, because out of fucking nowhere comes this wall and smashes into the back of me, causing a nasty knock to my head against the headrest and causing my mate to drop the spliff he was rolling all over the show. SHIT! I said….FUCK! my mate said….SHITFUCK! we both said in unison, this wall had snuck up on us like the coward it was and had taken me from behind like a snivelling little judas twat. I recognised it as looking very similar to this other wall I’d knocked down with a sledgehammer in order to create one big room out of two small ones in my nans house the previous summer. Maybe it was one of its kids out for revenge? Who knows? Walls have no soul….of that I’m sure.
But this is where it gets painful….
It was only after we’d got over the shock of the impact that we realised what had happened, my mate had suffered more than we had first realised, his leg had took a hit. Looked like it caught the window winder down-and-upper, there was blood seeping through his trousers and we had no first aid kit. This was serious, more than a graze, it could have even been sprained. Knowing we had little time, being marooned in this dead end road close to nightfall I had to do something to save him….so I did what any good friend would do. I took out my penkife and took his leg right off there and then, took nearly four hours to get through the bone but I did it and the brave fucker….*tear*…that brave fucker has never stopped thanking me since. I just wish I’d had sharpened that knife the previous morning so it wouldn’t have had to take so long. Sorry….I cant talk about this any more. I, I have to go now.
