milesy said:
when i lived in west norwood 10 years ago, our local chippy had a fruit machine. one day two chaps in overalls arrived and explained that the machine was due for a service. they took it away and neither they, nor the machine, ever did come back.
once upon a time, there was a very naughty milesy. he thought he would be clever and steal a brilliant email from a lovely genius, who lived very far away, and pretend that the genius email was his own, in a desperate and futile attempt to get people from the u75 village to like him.
and in a boastful and foolish way, he told the genius what he had done. and the genius sighed and thought "not again" and rolled his eyes like this
and he rung up his pervy friend and said:
"hello pervy friend, you know how you're always complaining that you'd like to shit on your wife's tits but she never lets you? well let me tell you, i have some good news for you. i have found the next best thing. milesy says he will gladly receive your payload, and will be very grateful for it too."
and the pervy friend was so happy he did a jig. and he danced all the way down to mankyland, where the foolish young milesy sat, ready to scoff his tea which didn't have any peas with it all, because he was strange. "ho ho ho" thought milesy, "i have certainly put one over on that MysteryGuest and make no mistake!". and he chortled and felt very very pleased with himself indeed, right then. he did a smile and everything, feeling that life was good. but suddenly in burst the pervy friend, full of manic scat energy! and before milesy had even eaten his first chip, the pervy friend had started to do a magic dance round milesy and made him dizzy. "oh oh!" cried the braggart milesy "what are you doing to me, you strange and curious man, i cannot stay upright and my clothes are coming off!" and milesy had to lie down, for the pervy friend's elfin dance had made him so bamboozled. and before he knew it, the dirty deed was done! of course milesy *wasn't* happy, and he cried like a girl, because he did not want a poo on his chest at all!
the genius had lied to his pervy friend , so wroth was he to have his email stolen by a ne'er-do-well like milesy. and then milesy's wife came home and saw the mess and soundly beat him with a carpet beater, and milesy was sent to bed without his tea.
and that's what happens when naughty milesys try to put one over on MysteryGuest.
THE END.
).
but in the end the direness won and i had to get the fuck out.
but that was only because it was so far 
