FridgeMagnet
Administrator
Always been like that surely? At least the bride's family don't have to pay dowry any more....
Wedding Etiquette
- Thread starter Melinda
- Start date
Always been like that surely? At least the bride's family don't have to pay dowry any more....
madzone
Physically unfavourable
It's the evening doIt's a celebration of the happy couple and for the bride to say ''look at me in my fabulous gown, hooray!'' All very well and good - I just dont want to keel over while gushing over the dress from starvation.
madzone
Physically unfavourable
Not really. Only for Toffs.
Blimey, all my friends must have been slagging me off for years. The main, daytime guests had a cold buffet and the evning lot had what was left
madzone
Physically unfavourable
yeah I know, Im just having a general moan!
*purses lips harder*
We still have to get to the venue, stay over in Colchester, and get a gift. And now dinner too
But you dont love everyone whose wedding you get an invite to! Especially if its the evening invitation- you invite peripheral friends and work colleagues to that, dont you?
This!
I hope the people who's wedding it is see this thread and uninvite you
This is why I was miffed. It IS in the middle of nowhere, 5 miles from the nearest station, so its not like we can pop on the tube. We'll have to drive or add taxi fares to the cost.
I think as usual, you have it exactly right. That is a better way of looking at it. Mini break in Essex it is thenJust look at it as a lovely weekend away then. With the added bonus of a wedding.
Epona
Radar 2006-2020, Sonic 2006-2022, Jakey 2007-2024
I have never been invited to a wedding or reception of someone I viewed as being a peripheral friend, not once ever. Every wedding or reception I have been to I have cared for at least one of the couple being wed (there have been cases where I didn't really know their intended that well of course!) and was pleased to be invited.
So now you expect an evening invitation to include peripheral friends about whom the couple are ambivalent, but expect to get a hearty meal and free booze anyway, raising their costs considerably? When you're not even a close friend? That may work for the wealthy, but not for most of us!
What if you had to travel a fair bit just to get to the evening do? I mean, dont forget that receptions usually start at about 4... that's a long day for people attending the actual ceremony aswell. If you laid on a ''light buffet'' wouldnt you be a bit embarrassed if one of your guests had to call out for a takeaway?
I hope the people who's wedding it is see this thread and uninvite you
Its not like they'll have to tell the caterers!
Mrs Miggins
Eternal
Yes which is what pisses me off most about the very idea of wedding gifts in most cases these days as the overwhelming majority of people already HAVE a household set up and are just being greedy IMO
In years gone by people really did NEED stuff to set up their home together. Everyone lives togehter already these days so they already have a fucking kettle. They don't NEED a delonghi fucking coffee maker or fancy Egyption cotton sheets.
spanglechick
High Empress of Dressing Up
thing is - part of the issue is that the op has to travel and stay over. that's as expensive for the evening guests as the day guests, granted - but should they have only invited evening guests who live in essex?
i assume it's being held their because one of them lives / is from there, or because it's cheaper. or both. my sis had her wedding way out in kent because she got to hire a gorgeous 17th century barn conversion for the same price as a pub room in london.
i'd never knock anyone for trying to save money on their wedding. by having it in the styx or having a pay bar or not inviting everyone to the whole day, sit down thing.
i've also been alarmed over the years on urban at the venom and contradictory venom at that, reserved for the subject of wedding lists.
in this case, having more than one store registered seems like trying to make it easier for rellies who don't live near a debenhams or whatever. also - some people prefer buying gifts from practical john lewis rather than poncey habitat etc...
if people ask for vouchers, they're grasping and want to see how much people spend
if they ask for gifts they're grasping because they've lived together years and can't possibly need anything, so why should they get a nicer toaster that we've got... grumble, mutter...
some couples ask for a contribution to the honeymoon, which i've seen decried as horrific greed or lauded as an excellent idea.
i've never objected to buying a wedding gift - but when i haven't afforded it, i haven't done so.
you were invited and a suggestion was made for gifts. it's not a condition any more than you had to accept their kind offer to invite you in the first place.
should i ever get married, i really bloody hope no one comes under sufferance because we haven't made the offer attractive enough, or we asked for the wrong gift.
oh - and the high heels thing? it's advice. so you can have fun. at the ceilidh.
i assume it's being held their because one of them lives / is from there, or because it's cheaper. or both. my sis had her wedding way out in kent because she got to hire a gorgeous 17th century barn conversion for the same price as a pub room in london.
i'd never knock anyone for trying to save money on their wedding. by having it in the styx or having a pay bar or not inviting everyone to the whole day, sit down thing.
i've also been alarmed over the years on urban at the venom and contradictory venom at that, reserved for the subject of wedding lists.
in this case, having more than one store registered seems like trying to make it easier for rellies who don't live near a debenhams or whatever. also - some people prefer buying gifts from practical john lewis rather than poncey habitat etc...
if people ask for vouchers, they're grasping and want to see how much people spend
if they ask for gifts they're grasping because they've lived together years and can't possibly need anything, so why should they get a nicer toaster that we've got... grumble, mutter...
some couples ask for a contribution to the honeymoon, which i've seen decried as horrific greed or lauded as an excellent idea.
i've never objected to buying a wedding gift - but when i haven't afforded it, i haven't done so.
you were invited and a suggestion was made for gifts. it's not a condition any more than you had to accept their kind offer to invite you in the first place.
should i ever get married, i really bloody hope no one comes under sufferance because we haven't made the offer attractive enough, or we asked for the wrong gift.
oh - and the high heels thing? it's advice. so you can have fun. at the ceilidh.
madzone
Physically unfavourable
What if you had to travel a fair bit just to get to the evening do? I mean, dont forget that receptions usually start at about 4... that's a long day for people attending the actual ceremony aswell. If you laid on a ''light buffet'' wouldnt you be a bit embarrassed if one of your guests had to call out for a takeaway?
Evening receptions don't start at 4
I'd be fekkin delighted if one of the guests called for a curry - I'd ask them to get an extra peshwari naan for me
I'd like to reiterate that the guests don't have to do anything - attendance is optional
FridgeMagnet
Administrator
Not really. Only for Toffs.
Blimey, all my friends must have been slagging me off for years. The main, daytime guests had a cold buffet and the evning lot had what was left
So what, none of your friends had any expectations at all? They turned up thinking "I wonder what's going to happen now, will there be clowns? Will we be beaten with sticks? Will somebody dressed as the Pope give us all a hundred quid in Canadian dollars?"
madzone
Physically unfavourable
Wedding lists are okay when they're a list of things the couple might like if the guests felt so inclined and don't have much of an idea what to get them but if it's an expectation then it's wrong. I didn't have a wedding list, it was really interesting to see what people bought usYes which is what pisses me off most about the very idea of wedding gifts in most cases these days as the overwhelming majority of people already HAVE a household set up and are just being greedy IMO
In years gone by people really did NEED stuff to set up their home together. Everyone lives togehter already these days so they already have a fucking kettle. They don't NEED a delonghi fucking coffee maker or fancy Egyption cotton sheets.
Some people didn't get us anything at all, I didn't give a shit - just wanted everyone to have a good time.gaijingirl
Well-Known Member
We had free booze at our wedding (but there were only 20 people) and we'll certainly put money behind the bar at our wedding party next month. I see this as a way of thanking all my friends/family for being such great friends/family and for supporting us. We also asked for no gifts.
We're not loaded at all and if we'd had a big wedding it might have been more difficult, but I'm of the school of thought that you have to have a lot of booze - preferably free - at a wedding if you possibly can (this is probably due to my Irish family rules which dictate that you have to have a lot of booze - preferably free - at any event whatsoever).
I wouldn't expect it of others though tbh...
We're not loaded at all and if we'd had a big wedding it might have been more difficult, but I'm of the school of thought that you have to have a lot of booze - preferably free - at a wedding if you possibly can (this is probably due to my Irish family rules which dictate that you have to have a lot of booze - preferably free - at any event whatsoever).
I wouldn't expect it of others though tbh...
madzone
Physically unfavourable
I don't think anyone had any expectations, no. I asked everyone to bring a dish of food, I didn't mention drink, they just came to celebrate us getting wed.
Evening receptions don't start at 4
I'd be fekkin delighted if one of the guests called for a curry - I'd ask them to get an extra peshwari naan for me
I'd like to reiterate that the guests don't have to do anything - attendance is optional
Well, our experiences of weddings are clearly different.
Ceremony, say at 11, then afterwards all that faffing while the pictures with the wedding party are done, and then you all make your way to the hall where the reception will be held - if you've been to the whole event, you'll probably arrive at the hall for 4/5pm. ime.
A sandwich and a cocktail sausage is not going to sustain all that level of excitement, madz!
madzone
Physically unfavourable
Melinda's going to the evening do, not the reception.Well, our experiences of weddings are clearly different.
Ceremony, say at 11, then afterwards all that faffing while the pictures with the wedding party are done, and then you all make your way to the hall where the reception will be held - if you've been to the whole event, you'll probably arrive at the hall for 4/5pm. ime.
A sandwich and a cocktail sausage is not going to sustain all that level of excitement, madz!
And you clearly haven't seen what I can do with a cocktail sausage
gaijingirl
Well-Known Member
I think more people are going to do the small intimate wedding with close friends and family, rather than the huge extravaganza for people you dont see decade in and decade out.
You dont have to be wealthy to have a large wedding with lots of wine flowing, you just need a large, extended family, and for it to be a cultural tradition to do so.
mysterygirl
Stealth visit from work
What if you had to travel a fair bit just to get to the evening do? I mean, dont forget that receptions usually start at about 4... that's a long day for people attending the actual ceremony aswell. If you laid on a ''light buffet'' wouldnt you be a bit embarrassed if one of your guests had to call out for a takeaway?
How far is a fair way? I wouldn't consider Colchester to be that far, tbh.
Well, our experiences of weddings are clearly different.
Ceremony, say at 11, then afterwards all that faffing while the pictures with the wedding party are done, and then you all make your way to the hall where the reception will be held - if you've been to the whole event, you'll probably arrive at the hall for 4/5pm. ime.
A sandwich and a cocktail sausage is not going to sustain all that level of excitement, madz!
Few ceremonies happen at 11, I think 2 or 3 pm is far more usual?
And is usually followed by the 'wedding breakfast', which is itself followed by the evening reception (read : party) starting 'early evening'.
IME, obviously.
I have no experience of these kinds of happenings.
cesare
shady's dreams ♥
I'm with Epona on this one.
Weddings are always tricky depending on how much money there is/how much debt you're prepared to get into/family expectations etc etc etc. We had a sit down meal for approx 30 then a ceildh type thing in the evening, in a church hall (which conveniently had a big kitchen). The parents and in-laws made the buffet food for that (loads of), we paid for the hall, band, someone to help clear up after (who was also invited) and the local pub to come in and run the bar. It was a paying bar but we had bottles of wine and soft drinks on each table. We didn't send a wedding list to the people that we invited in the evening - actually iirc we only sent a list on request for the family during the day cos we'd been living together for a few years beforehand.
Some people still brought presents though, and some people travelled a fair distance out into the sticks. It was obviously lovely that they did, but it was also lovely to get letters/cards from people that couldn't/decided not to come.
I guess at the end of the day, when I get a wedding invite, I sort of expect that there might be a cost for me. Then I work out if I can/want to afford it. Depending on how close I am to the people getting married.
Weddings are always tricky depending on how much money there is/how much debt you're prepared to get into/family expectations etc etc etc. We had a sit down meal for approx 30 then a ceildh type thing in the evening, in a church hall (which conveniently had a big kitchen). The parents and in-laws made the buffet food for that (loads of), we paid for the hall, band, someone to help clear up after (who was also invited) and the local pub to come in and run the bar. It was a paying bar but we had bottles of wine and soft drinks on each table. We didn't send a wedding list to the people that we invited in the evening - actually iirc we only sent a list on request for the family during the day cos we'd been living together for a few years beforehand.
Some people still brought presents though, and some people travelled a fair distance out into the sticks. It was obviously lovely that they did, but it was also lovely to get letters/cards from people that couldn't/decided not to come.
I guess at the end of the day, when I get a wedding invite, I sort of expect that there might be a cost for me. Then I work out if I can/want to afford it. Depending on how close I am to the people getting married.
Termite Man
zombie flesh eater
No since we won't be having a sit down meal . It's straight into the buffet and music for us
madzone
Physically unfavourable
No, you're right.You can't do stuff like that at a wedding!!
That's definitely bad etiquette!
It's definitely more appropriate for some of the funerals I've been to
Having a really cheap wedding with no freebies is a great way to filter out materialistic freeloaders from your social circle
It's not being ''materialistic or freeloading'' why are you so touchy? Would you view someone who came to your home to visit you for a few hours and asked for a cup of water as ''materialistic and freeloading''? By the sounds of it, you would.
spanglechick
High Empress of Dressing Up
no, but if i fed them sandwiches and trifle i would.
madzone
Physically unfavourable
If I asked someone to come to witness me clebrate my marriage and all they could do was carp on about wanting a hot meal and having to come so far and pay for accommodation AND buy as present I think I'd be sending them some cat poo in the thank you letter.
