Wedding Etiquette

[madzone]

Yes, but considering the op will have to make it down to the reception, organise accomodation etc, I would have thought that a hot meal to see one through into the evening should be standard...but then again, I've only ever been to weddings that have blowout meals and buffets anyway. It's the West Indian way.

The op doesn't have to do anything, it's an invitation to a party not a court summons.

 

[Epona]

Yes, but considering the op will have to make it down to the reception, organise accomodation etc, I would have thought that a hot meal to see one through into the evening should be standard...

Absolutely not. I have very recently been financially wiped out due to getting to my brother's wedding what with train fares and a hotel for the night before. He's poor (Phd student) so we paid for our own lunch between registry office and handfasting, then there was a buffet at the reception. But you know what? I went because I love him and wanted to be there. If it didn't matter to me enough to go then I wouldn't have gone.

 

[Melinda]

I don't care if I get gifts or not , I just want a nice time with mates and family , if people expect to get drink paid for them then they can fuck off because I wouldn't call them a mate I'd call them a freeloading cunt !

*shakes head* You not even going to put a couple of bottles of something on tables for folk?

Sounds like a shit wedding tbf. (to op)

Its a Ceilidh and we're advised to wear 'sensible shoes.' No heels Im tempted to parcel force them a toaster.

*shakes head sadly at thread*

Not everyone is rolling in it, I don't know what you are used to but the sort of wedding receptions I've been to usually involve a bit of a buffet and buy your own drinks.

And WTF is a "wedding breakfast"??? A slice of toast while waiting for your hair to dry is my suggestion.

Ive been to really small weddings with just 20 people because of limited budgets. Buffet, some cake and a drink is fine. People understand.

What I dont understand is us having the full cost of going to an all day event and getting none of the nice things.

 

[quimcunx]

Not in mine. A free glass of something to toast the couple with and thats about it.

Just as well as the few times I've been to free bars I got very very ill, on each occasion.

I mean bars where you pay. Though as a side note it is not their fault you can't control yourself when they do do a free bar.

 

[madzone]

What I dont understand is us having the full cost of going to an all day event and getting none of the nice things.

Are you aware how childish that sounds?

 

[Madusa]

The op doesn't have to do anything, it's an invitation to a party not a court summons.

True but there is always a level of 'expectation' on both sides when it comes to weddings though otherwise we wouldnt be having this conversation every year.

 

[mysterygirl]

What I dont understand is us having the full cost of going to an all day event and getting none of the nice things.

But aren't you just going to the afterparty? Rather than the all-day affair, I mean.

 

[Epona]

What I dont understand is us having the full cost of going to an all day event and getting none of the nice things.

It's their do, not yours. If you don't love them enough that the reward of just being there isn't enough in itself, then just don't go!

 

[Gromit]

I mean bars where you pay. Though as a side note it is not their fault you can't control yourself when they do do a free bar.

Ah okay

I don't think most people can, unless they go to them all the time and are used to them. Otherwise its kinda in human nature to go a bit mad cause everyone with me got very ill too on each occasion.

 

[madzone]

True but there is always a level of 'expectation' on both sides when it comes to weddings though otherwise we wouldnt be having this conversation every year.

People can take their expectations and shove them up their fundament

It always surprises me how conservative urban can be about the most unexpected things

 

[tarannau]

Don't fucking lump us all in together.

 

[madzone]

It's their do, not yours. If you don't love them enough that the reward of just being there isn't enough in itself, then just don't go!

Innit - it's like people are doing folk a favour by going to their wedding. I'm always delighted when I'm invited to a wedding - I certainly don't expect to be rewarded for going.

 

[Melinda]

So don't go.

We're definitely going- RSVP'd. Plus we've booked accommodation now.

 

[madzone]

Don't fucking lump us all in together.

It's a strategy that's served me well for 4 yrs now - I see no reason to change

 

[Madusa]

Absolutely not. I have very recently been financially wiped out due to getting to my brother's wedding what with train fares and a hotel for the night before. He's poor (Phd student) so we paid for our own lunch between registry office and handfasting, then there was a buffet at the reception. But you know what? I went because I love him and wanted to be there. If it didn't matter to me enough to go then I wouldn't have gone.

Of course!

I'm just saying I'd be mortified if my guests left my wedding with their bellies grumbling with hunger. Paid bar or free bar, unimportant but breaking bread with family and friends at a wedding is important...at least in my circles and I believe if you're going to scrimp on anything at a wedding whatever the budget, it shouldnt be that. IMO.

 

[moomoo]

We're definitely going- RSVP'd. Plus we've booked accommodation now.

Just look at it as a lovely weekend away then. With the added bonus of a wedding.

 

[madzone]

Of course!

I'm just saying I'd be mortified if my guests left my wedding with their bellies grumbling with hunger. Paid bar or free bar, unimportant but breaking bread with family and friends at a wedding is important...at least in my circles and I believe if you're going to scrimp on anything at a wedding whatever the budget, it shouldnt be that. IMO.

But they're getting fed, it's just not a hot meal

And it's only the evening do after all.

 

[FridgeMagnet]

True but there is always a level of 'expectation' on both sides when it comes to weddings though otherwise we wouldnt be having this conversation every year.

Yes - I don't think it's a case of there being a "right" thing to do for a wedding, but there are assorted expectations. The thread does say "etiquette" after all.

I think it would nark me a bit if the couple had obviously spent a shitload on the venue, say, and it was in the middle of nowhere and accommodation and travel were expensive, and then they just had some sausages on sticks for the guests and you had to pay for drinks yourself. That's more on the basis of hospitality than anything else though, not just because something's expected for a wedding, and I'm not referring to the case here, I don't know enough about it.

 

[Detroit City]

I still have to buy the gift and Im feeling huffy and not particularly disposed to be generous.

the wedding gift is to help the newly married couple start a household and not to offset the cost of a hot meal and free drinks....you always have the option to not go.

 

[madzone]

Yes - I don't think it's a case of there being a "right" thing to do for a wedding, but there are assorted expectations. The thread does say "etiquette" after all.

So, what's a wedding about?

 

[zenie]

True but there is always a level of 'expectation' on both sides when it comes to weddings though otherwise we wouldnt be having this conversation every year.

Not sure if it's expectation as much as tradition.

It just seems that as wedding's are no longer a celebration paid for by the father of the bride, EVERYONE has to put their hand in their pocket. Fine if you've got the money but not everyone can afford the hotel, the expensive gifts that are on their store wedding present lists, the expensive booze, the outfit...I could go on!

 

[FridgeMagnet]

So, what's a wedding about?

Is this a trick question?

 

[Madusa]

Not sure if it's expectation as much as tradition.

It just seems that as wedding's are no longer a celebration paid for by the father of the bride, EVERYONE has to put their hand in their pocket. Fine if you've got the money but not everyone can afford the hotel, the expensive gifts that are on their store wedding present lists, the expensive booze, the outfit...I could go on!

So the happy couple arent EXPECTING their shiny new gifts listed in their wedding invite then?

 

[moomoo]

So, what's a wedding about?

It's so the engaged couple can have sex at last.

 

[madzone]

Is this a trick question?

No.

I find that some people's 'expectations' of a wedding seem to be at odds with mine. I'm asking what people think a wedding is about?

 

[FridgeMagnet]

No.

I find that some people's 'expectations' of a wedding seem to be at odds with mine. I'm asking what people think a wedding is about?

Expectations aren't much to do with what the wedding is about, they're based on tradition, etiquette, ritual, other weddings you've gone to, things you've seen in films, all that crap.

 

[Madusa]

No.

I find that some people's 'expectations' of a wedding seem to be at odds with mine. I'm asking what people think a wedding is about?

It's a celebration of the happy couple and for the bride to say ''look at me in my fabulous gown, hooray!'' All very well and good - I just dont want to keel over while gushing over the dress from starvation.

 

[Epona]

Breaking the fast after the wedding - the first meal that the newly married couple take together.

DOH, of course it is My brother's was part of the handfasting, after they'd been tied together and received blessings from all the participants, nice bit of cake and some drink - it's something I naturally think of as part of a handfasting but it didn't occur to me in the context of a bog standard wedding although the roots are quite obviously the same

 

[Melinda]

Are you aware how childish that sounds?

yeah I know, Im just having a general moan!
*purses lips harder*

But aren't you just going to the afterparty? Rather than the all-day affair, I mean.

We still have to get to the venue, stay over in Colchester, and get a gift. And now dinner too

It's their do, not yours. If you don't love them enough that the reward of just being there isn't enough in itself, then just don't go!

But you dont love everyone whose wedding you get an invite to! Especially if its the evening invitation- you invite peripheral friends and work colleagues to that, dont you?

Of course!

I'm just saying I'd be mortified if my guests left my wedding with their bellies grumbling with hunger. Paid bar or free bar, unimportant but breaking bread with family and friends at a wedding is important...at least in my circles and I believe if you're going to scrimp on anything at a wedding whatever the budget, it shouldnt be that. IMO.

This!

 

[madzone]

Expectations aren't much to do with what the wedding is _about_, they're based on tradition, etiquette, ritual, other weddings you've gone to, things you've seen in films, all that crap.

Tradition and etiquette don't seem to have much to do with it though. It seems to have been skewed to be about gifts and drinking and outfits and 'expectations'