Wealthy Bristol residents install 'anti-bird spikes' to stop droppings hitting their cars

Discussion in 'Bristol and South West' started by editor, Dec 19, 2017.

  1. editor

    editor Taffus Maximus


    Fuck the rich!

    Wealthy Bristol residents cause outrage by installing 'anti-bird spikes' to stop droppings hitting expensive cars
    Pickman's model likes this.
  2. DotCommunist

    DotCommunist slowtime

    somewhere handy to pin their corpses for public display after the great day
  3. Gromit

    Gromit International Man of Misery

    I'm guessing by the level of outrage that these the only two trees in the whole of Bristol that birds can sit on.

    Perhaps people could build a third and maybe even a fourth tree in the Bristol area.
    Shouldn't be too expensive as they are made out of wood. Unless it's oak. That shit is expensive.
    mauvais likes this.
  4. ruffneck23

    ruffneck23 Well-Known Member

    Ah but the birds were there first....
  5. fizzerbird

    fizzerbird Always there when I need me...

    Are they allowed to do that??:confused:
  6. ruffneck23

    ruffneck23 Well-Known Member

    It seems if you have enough.money you can do anything
  7. Pickman's model

    Pickman's model Every man and every woman is a star

    Or to remove and use as stingers outside gated communities and the like
  8. Zapp Brannigan

    Zapp Brannigan Built like a steakhouse, handles like a bistro

    If these cunts can put spikes like that wherever they like, then so can we.

    Start with their bath mats and mattresses.
  9. Pickman's model

    Pickman's model Every man and every woman is a star

    And toilet seats
  10. weltweit

    weltweit Well-Known Member

    I don't know what trees they are but outside my son's place there are trees with berries on at the moment and the amount of berries and shit that comes down from the feasting birds is something to behold. Typically all the locals park elsewhere leaving those spots to people who don't yet know!!
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2017
  11. Poot

    Poot Everyone's a superhero, everyone's a Captain Kirk

    It would be a terrible shame if the tree were to grow a little but deform itself because of the cable ties, and the entire branch were to fall onto a Jag that was parked underneath. Terrible, terrible shame.
  12. editor

    editor Taffus Maximus

    Or if a cheeky magpie managed to pick up a saw in the middle of the night and somehow manage to lop off a chunky branch.
  13. Ground Elder

    Ground Elder Well-Known Member

    Or, if someone were to scatter bird seed over the BMW roofs :hmm:
    Almor, muscovyduck, hegley and 7 others like this.
  14. farmerbarleymow

    farmerbarleymow Sweetcorn, Seagulls and Wasps are Brilliant!

    Most gormless comment quoted by the Guardian:

    Perhaps that's because there are trees in the area and birds tend to like sitting in them.
  15. dessiato

    dessiato Ua Mau ke Ea o ka ʻĀina i ka Pono

    Whilst I'd be very upset if birds shat on my roof, a cloth roof is difficult to clean, I'd solve the problem by not parking under a tree. Given how much would cost, and how much trouble it would be to install spikes, parking elsewhere must be a much better option.

    These people are just cocks.
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2017
  16. farmerbarleymow

    farmerbarleymow Sweetcorn, Seagulls and Wasps are Brilliant!

    I take it you meant 'cunts'.
  17. Geri

    Geri wasn't born to follow

    I wondered that, but I guess if you have trees in your garden you can do whatever you like with them.

    It does seem though that only an evil person could have come up with the idea.
    tim and Libertad like this.
  18. IC3D

    IC3D Post Mid Arc

    I'm sure they're arseholes but bird shit really is bad for paintwork. If they chopped the trees down it wouldn't have even come to anyone's attention so on balance I can't get enraged about this. However (((Birds)))
    muscovyduck and keybored like this.
  19. peterkro

    peterkro Greasin' on American Express card.

    How stupid are these people birds don't weigh 75 kilos so they'll just use the little branches to roost on.
    Keas apparently are now endangered in NZ (when I was a kid there were hundreds of thousands of them) importing some to that area of Bristol might be a good idea (they are mountain parrots so the cold won't bother them) they'll destroy the cars then start on the houses.
  20. Libertad

    Libertad Would it help?

    Those cable ties won't last a year. (((Gravity)))
    Rebelda and Pickman's model like this.
  21. Pickman's model

    Pickman's model Every man and every woman is a star

    geminisnake, Rebelda and Libertad like this.
  22. Voley

    Voley Ramoner

  23. farmerbarleymow

    farmerbarleymow Sweetcorn, Seagulls and Wasps are Brilliant!

    That's an excellent idea. Clever parrots on the rampage. :cool:
  24. 1927

    1927 Funnier than he thinks he is.

    Has no one on this thread heard of environmental protection laws? Just cos trees are in your garden doesn't mean you can do whatever you like, do anything to a tree with a TPO on it and you'll find yourself in court and facing a hefty fine.
  25. wiskey

    wiskey Albatross Admirer

    There are kea's a stones throw away in Bristol zoo.

    52k people want the council to act although they say it's not their property.
  26. Geri

    Geri wasn't born to follow

    Actually that isn't true. A TPO doesn't stop you from doing "anything" to a tree, it just protects it from certain things.
  27. 1927

    1927 Funnier than he thinks he is.

    It pretty much does, unless for safety, or other legal reasons! The posts quoted were suggesting that you COULD do anything if they were on your own land and that cutting the tress down altogether would have been easier for the residents! I was merely pointing out that this isn't the case!
  28. DaveCinzano


    Wouldn't be surprised if the shitting birds were immigrants too :mad:
  29. farmerbarleymow

    farmerbarleymow Sweetcorn, Seagulls and Wasps are Brilliant!

  30. eskdave

    eskdave failed lover

    YOYOY-do ''rich people'' live under trees in Bristol?
    gentlegreen likes this.

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