Urban75 Guide to Skiving

Discussion in 'education & employment' started by Fingers, Jan 6, 2006.

  1. Fingers

    Fingers From Tuscany SE22

    Your best skiving tips please :cool:
     
  2. Tank Girl

    Tank Girl ........

    are you male or female?
     
  3. editor

    editor Taffus Maximus

    If you're in an office, offering to go for supplies/tea/help someone in the warehouse is always a good opportunity to waste away precious minutes.

    Toilet breaks should be taken full advantage of with sneakily pre-folded and concealed parts of the newspaper to sneak into the loo for a good read.
     
    Kaka Tim and PippinTook like this.
  4. cyberfairy

    cyberfairy http://unicycle-emptiness.co.uk/

    Don't ring up sick if poss-go into work,(i recommend with black eyeshadow rubbed under eyes and small amount of talculm powder on face) speak in a very small voice, say you're fine, sway a bit, shiver a bit-get sent home and told you shouldn't have come in and not to come in till yr better. Job done by 10.00am :) This method has never failed me used sparingly in times of immense duvet desire need since school sports days twenty years ago. :cool: *feels old :eek: *
     
    Kaka Tim likes this.
  5. Fong

    Fong Banned Banned

    I never really been much for skiving at work, or school for that matter, as i find it tends to make the time pass so much slower. When you stick your head down in work you tend to look up and half the day as passed before you realise it.
     
  6. shoddysolutions

    shoddysolutions back by dope demand

    Always dump on company time, never during a break. Liberal use of coffee and chocolate should get those bowels moving.

    If you work in an office, make sure you carry some papers around with you as you meander aimlessly around the building. That way no-one will ask why you aren't at your desk.

    On your first day at work , make sure you arrive ten minuites late. This avoids creating false and unrealistic first impressions.
     
  7. Pingu

    Pingu Credo

    walk about carrying bits of paper and a thoughtful look on your face
     
  8. DJ Bigga

    DJ Bigga Mentally Dishevelled

    become a union rep and always be away on 'Union bussiness' :D
     
  9. cyberfairy

    cyberfairy http://unicycle-emptiness.co.uk/

    Along with striding purposely towards something, picking it up and carrying it to the other side of the room and depositing it back down with sence ofpride and achievement.I have spent many work hours exhausting myself in pointless tasks rather than do the less tiring ones I was meant to be doing :confused: That'll show THE MAN!
     
  10. zenie

    zenie >^^<

    Smoke and if you don’t smoke pretend you do.

    That’s ten minutes in the morning and ten in the afternoon.

    Pulled this fact which sounds a bit conservative for me

    Average 15-30 minutes
    Pah Amateurs :D
     
  11. DJ Bigga

    DJ Bigga Mentally Dishevelled

    That's about how much time I actually spend working! :oops:
     
  12. cyberfairy

    cyberfairy http://unicycle-emptiness.co.uk/

    After giving up smoking, hypocritically got annoyed when I was working and mates having fag breaks ( only non smoker at work) so now ask for rolly, light it, let it go out and pretend to puff on it :)
     
  13. zenie

    zenie >^^<

    Oh we have a system here if you dont smoke you can still take 'fag breaks' but not smoke.

    To be honest I spend half the day walking round talking to people anyway so i dont mind that I dont smoke anymore :)

    The rest is spent on urban and emailing :D

    *please note I will be leaving this job soon therefore I see no reason to really work hard I am of course a naturally hard worker.
     
  14. FridgeMagnet

    FridgeMagnet Administrator

    Someone with a pen in their mouth always looks busy. Particularly if they are leaning forward and peering at the screen. And frowning.

    Make a big printout of some document, then go through it with a highlighter and a red pen (possibly holding one in your mouth) underlining bits and highlighting them. Stick post-its in the margins.
     
  15. DJ Bigga

    DJ Bigga Mentally Dishevelled

    Of course you are ;)
     
  16. editor

    editor Taffus Maximus

    Don't forget to create a few time-wasting 'problems' with your PC!
     
  17. Crispy

    Crispy The following psytrance is baṉned: All

    Browse urban in Opera with stylesheets and images turned off, zoomed out to 60%, so it looks like a white page with loads of black text on it, that's so small it can't be read by someone glancing that way over your shoulder. I'm doing this now with complete impunity. As long as you keep posting (and so using your keyboard) it looks like actual work!
     
  18. citydreams

    citydreams on the road again

    I'm led to believe that if you get sent home from work then it doesn't count as a sick day, saving you more days to take when you need to.
     
    TopCat likes this.
  19. jonead

    jonead New Member

    lie on your back on your bed with your head and shoulders hanging over the edge for a couple of mins while the blood rushes to your head. call the office - you now sound like you have a terrible cold and noone will want you in the office. grease up the vpn, answer 2 emails and go straight back to bed.
     
  20. Stig

    Stig Bull in a china shop

    Take the ink cartridge out of your printer and put it on your desk, leaving the flap open for all to see. Printer problems!

    Never put old paperwork away, always leave it in piles around your desk, and on the floor around your chair.
    Shuffle some of it occasionally.

    I've got a brilliant one at the moment:
    my boss has put two security cameras in, which everyone hates.
    But, not only can I see if anyone is watching them at any time, as the pic on my screen goes slower, also whenever I hear the door go I can switch to camera tab and see who's coming- boss or not-boss. Giving me a whole minute to minimise, shuffle, dial and be on the phone to someone having a dreadfully important conversation. :D
     
  21. jodal

    jodal Well-Known Member

    I find that lying on the floor on my front whilst arching my back up just after I have woken up really gives my voice a strained and ill sounding tone. Seems to work a treat although when my girlfriend sees me doing this I suspect she looses any respect she had for me.
     
  22. extra dry

    extra dry Happy to be here

    clip board and some offical looking notes, wander round building, anyone ask just say, "auditing project from head office I don't know why" friend of mine did that for a year :D
     
  23. WasGeri

    WasGeri Banned Banned

    It's really hard to skive in my place as we have to record what we do and they expect 7 hours per day. Yesterday I had to attend a meeting (as a favour for another department) and so I only recorded 5 hours out of the 7 I was actually working, which makes it look as though I wasn't doing anything for two hours.
     
  24. Velouria

    Velouria Not as good looking as the avatar

    One of the advantages of being a system administrator is it always gives you an excuse to go away from your desk to 'look at a problem'... :D

    Alas I can't really spend all day on urban at work as

    a) the Internet use is monitored;
    b) I don't want half the people at work knowing what I'm up to here :D
     
  25. pogofish

    pogofish Testicle Hairstyle

    When enjoying an impromptu late-lunchtime skive/bit of important family business, do remember three things:

    1: Remember to take your keys with you, so you don't have to phone-up a colleague on a job to sneak-out and let you in.

    2: Do your best not to get caught by a street view car, somewhere other than where you told the boss you were going:

    3: Avoid skiving-off somewhere where the traffic jam adds another forty minutes to your skiving time!

    :oops: :oops: :oops:
     
    neonwilderness likes this.
  26. maomao

    maomao 四月她爹

    Tell everyone you have IBS. No one will question your fifteen minute toilet breaks.

    *posting from the bog* :cool:
     
    neonwilderness and pogofish like this.
  27. TheHoodedClaw

    TheHoodedClaw acknowledging ur soup leg

    Actually *be* what passes for the IT department at your place of work.
     
  28. keybored

    keybored ㋛̶̶̵̙̜̝̖̝̭̎̀̔̌̕

    "I won't be in today as I think I have a virus. I think you'll have one too if you don't pay me".
     
  29. TheHoodedClaw

    TheHoodedClaw acknowledging ur soup leg

    Ha, that would net me about fifty quid and whatever's in the petty cash box.
     
  30. S☼I

    S☼I it's my room get out

    I once spent an entire morning walking around a factory floor, nursing a huge hangover, carrying a spanner, a pen and a notebook in hands I'd made oily before everyone else started.
     

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