1798 said:
Look... spill the beens now or...... or...... just tell us ffs.
Edit to add: or maybe use it as a half time rowsing team talk one day
calm down calm down - this is not the drugs forum!
Works football tourno - pre tourno was usual state - like Gazza before the 1991 cup final....too tense.
Started in defence - was marking some tricky Italian forward - he was ok - I thought get a decent tackle in there - see if he fancies it - won the ball - he started grabbing my shirt etc - so I put my arm out - accidently hit him with arm in his neck - the geezer carries on like he's at deaths door....
The ref buys it and gives a free kick - they score...I pushed up further up field had a chance - goal bound shot - some bloke puts his arm up - penalty and red card - ref does fuck all - I kick off at the ref. He gives a corner - I go up to the keeper and stand on his toes etc - the ref gives fuck all - the keeper goes balistic - relahni exits the scene.
Relahni then decides a pint might be a good idea - then realises that it wasn't so volunteers to be manager for a game - gives the lads tactics - comes on for the last five mins - we beat the team 1-0! Hoorah!
Then they decide to put me up front for the final game - I'm pissed by then but still fancy it. I make a great run

A threaded pass and it's only the keeper to beat - I look up and the keeper is sprinting to fuck towards me - I see the gap and want to wallop the ball into it - lots of back lift - bang - hit the ball - whoops - it's all wrong - a skewed tee shot - keeper clatters into me at speed - studs first.....
fortunately, my embarrasement of kicking the ball into the next field narrowly missing a cow is replaced with genuine concern for my leg.
later in the game - I beat this defender - cross the ball and we score -
I then beat the same defender - get fouled - I kick off - we score.
I again beat the defender easily - he gets fucked off and kicks my thigh - I fall on the floor - get off and kick off moodily......
My work mates are seeing a new side to me etc.....
I decide getting heavily pissed is the only way to erase this day and did pretty well at that!
But the moral of the day is chill man - you can't play football too tense!