Totally Unemployable

Discussion in 'education & employment' started by stuff_it, Mar 30, 2016.

  1. stuff_it

    stuff_it stirred the primordial soup

    Me, that is.

    Can't even get freelance work.

  2. Pickman's model

    Pickman's model Every man and every woman is a star

  3. Pickman's model

    Pickman's model Every man and every woman is a star

    have a sympathy 'like'
  4. stuff_it

    stuff_it stirred the primordial soup

    Too well qualified for low end work, not enough of the right sort of experience for anything else.

    Now my car is off the road and I've only got a ten day grace period on my phone bill before that also goes.

    What I really want to be doing is finishing any of my studies, or writing up one or three of my amazing business plans. Sadly I'm not even fit to stack shelves, having just escaped an abusive relationship and recovered from serious stress related health problems.

    All anyone seems to care about is that I'm now overweight at a size 14-16 instead of my previous 10-12. :(

    Anything I do to improve my employability just serves to frighten off another tranche of possible employers.
  5. stuff_it

    stuff_it stirred the primordial soup

    Also: weird polymath, cheap. Prefer West Midlands or home based.
    Pickman's model likes this.
  6. StoneRoad

    StoneRoad heckling from the back!

    sympathy from me, as well !

    can't help, unfortunately.
    UrbaneFox likes this.
  7. BandWagon

    BandWagon Life's a bitch and then you die...

    I'm sorry for you, but I can't think of anything.
  8. izz

    izz Madam, to you. :-P.

    Would it be worthwhile signing up to one of those freelance websites ? I can't recall the name of it but there is one whereby you can buy someone's programming time and skills by the hour fr'instance ?
  9. moon

    moon Happy Happy Jo Wonderland

    Do coding..
    Plumdaff and izz like this.
  10. BigTom

    BigTom Well-Known Member

    Find Jobs and Hire skilled Freelancers, at a click -

    there's a few of these websites but that's the one I know
    izz likes this.
  11. izz

    izz Madam, to you. :-P.

    AND coding's really excellent fucking fun :D
  12. izz

    izz Madam, to you. :-P.

  13. stuff_it

    stuff_it stirred the primordial soup

  14. Puddy_Tat

    Puddy_Tat for the workers' breakfast

  15. xslavearcx

    xslavearcx time for a nu-metal revival?

    RE the over qualified for some jobs situation - do you have another cv geared towards those kinda jobs omitting anything that might over qualify you?
  16. BigTom

    BigTom Well-Known Member


    I doubt many people make proper money off those sites, I had a look at them and decided it wasn't worth it for filming / editing stuff, the offered payments were way too low to do more than pick up a few bits here and there.

    Can you lie for jobs you are overqualified for?
    Greebo and xslavearcx like this.
  17. stuff_it

    stuff_it stirred the primordial soup

    Lie and say I've been unemployed since 2010?

    There's a difference between proper money and none whatsoever. I make none at all. Fucking zero. Not one penny.
  18. DrRingDing

    DrRingDing 'anti-human wanker'

    Wot's yer skillset?
  19. stuff_it

    stuff_it stirred the primordial soup

    Yes of course
    Greebo and xslavearcx like this.
  20. xslavearcx

    xslavearcx time for a nu-metal revival?

    do you know anybody who could write you a fake /semi fake reference ?I had a boss for an organisation I volunteered for who said I worked the dates I said on my job application (I hadn't) and that I was paid (I wasn't). . .
  21. 8115

    8115 sitting down is bad for you

  22. purves grundy

    purves grundy ambient clown remix

    Bugger :(

    Reckon you could be a bit more creative in describing your previous work?
    xslavearcx likes this.
  23. UnderAnOpenSky

    UnderAnOpenSky baseline neural therapy

    Don't know how fucked up your CRB is, but are social care jobs an option for now.
    Ron Merlin likes this.
  24. BigTom

    BigTom Well-Known Member

    Say you've been self-employed, something you know about but that isn't connected with the job you're applying for. If you were living in a different town to where you're living now, that's even better as it'll be even harder for anyone to check what you were doing (previous addresses are pretty easy to check) or if you happen to be in interview with someone who is into whatever you've chosen that might know that you're not part of things in that town. As long as you're not going to get tripped up by facebook, linkedin or something like that and you can maintain a bare faced lie in interview, it's not likely you'll get caught out imo.

    edit: you need reasons why you no longer want to be self-employed, for me it was being shit at sales, but wanting a regular income is another useable one if being shit at sales would be bad for the role you're applying for.
    xslavearcx likes this.
  25. stuff_it

    stuff_it stirred the primordial soup

    SEO copywriter, digital content writer, wordpress website builder (boss sites but can't hand code a page of hamlet from a picture so I won't get any website building jobs), installing the following os: Windows - all from '95 to 10, Linux - Ubuntu & Fedora mainly, Android 4 onwards (All inclusive root and stock), 15+ years of office administration and customer service, nearly got my class 2/cat C LGV licence (now have funding opportunity but will have to hitchhike to Somerset and live in the bushes to do it more than likely), online communities, event planning and promotions, ecommerce (have built a self-hosted eticketing solution into a woo commerce and wordpress based site with full Facebook events and online calendar integration (again my very minor coding skills preclude work in this area), tea making expert, reasonable cook, business planning for other people, plus several good start up ideas I won't ever have time to write up, and a few 'rinse and run' patentable ideas to make up for the fact that I'm pushing 40 with no family or savings.

    On phone, sorry about layout.
    DrRingDing and xslavearcx like this.
  26. stuff_it

    stuff_it stirred the primordial soup

    I have references up the wazoo - but since regardless of tactic I never get to the 'taking up references' stage it matters little.
  27. stuff_it

    stuff_it stirred the primordial soup

    I have been self employed - this seems to be a big part of the problem.

    I don't need to lie about what I know about, more find some way to tone it down to make me acceptable to an employer.

    And skillset wise missed out BSci Open Degree in engineering and computer science, and NCTJ Diploma in Journalism - both unfinished as I spend all my time failing to find work, and skip diving to survive.
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2016
  28. izz

    izz Madam, to you. :-P.

    This stuck out as potentially worthwhile - I know a number of self employed people and small businesses who could do with a business plan but no idea at all how to write one - have you tried pimping yourself out as doing this ?
  29. BigTom

    BigTom Well-Known Member

    Some employers don't like it, concerns about working in teams and doing what you're told. Other employers do like it, self-motivated, plenty of initiative... cuts both ways I think. Better than being unemployed though if you want to remove a qualification or two and cover that up with something.
    Greebo and xslavearcx like this.
  30. stuff_it

    stuff_it stirred the primordial soup

    Nothing major but can't do agency social care - though weirdly I can get X site clearance.

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