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throwing a sickie: top tips

Discussion in 'education & employment' started by Pickman's model, Jul 17, 2017.

  1. Pickman's model

    Pickman's model The word of Sin is Restriction

    moochedit, Me76, emanymton and 7 others like this.
  2. Filth in thick as pig-shit shocker.
  3. Sprocket.

    Sprocket. Weary, Worn and Sad.

    An electrician I worked with phoned in sick and sadly he was on the following day's back page of the Yorkshire Post clapping David Bairstow off the pitch at Headingley. Final written warning followed!
  4. alan_

    alan_ Well-Known Member

    He was sick.......sick of work
  5. cybershot

    cybershot Well-Known Member

    I pulled a sicky once and went into the city centre, parked my car and get accosted by an ITV reporter asking me if I'd be sad to see the car park closed! Gave the shittest answer I could think of 'It won't bother me, I hardly come into town' and hoped to god they didn't use it, especially as the idiot at the end!

    Thankfully they didn't! :D
    moochedit, Wilf, Cloo and 7 others like this.
  6. space-tout

    space-tout I wrote for luck

    Once phoned in ill to a shit job....with a broken flask.
    Herbsman., Libertad, Plumdaff and 3 others like this.
  7. pengaleng

    pengaleng Lil' pengaleng PhD. another handsome boy graduate.

    schoolboy error.
  8. mrs quoad

    mrs quoad Elephants think I’m cute #brap

    "'PC Adams says he found that going to the horse racing was a good coping mechanism and making him feel better."
  9. keybored


    Call in with "a bad case of claustrophobia"*, they can't moan if you're spotted out and about then.

    *this may only work if you have an indoors type job.
    Libertad and Badgers like this.
  10. Ming

    Ming Massive prawns

    When i worked for the job centre we'd get 21 days sick without even an oral warning. So most people took 21 days sick. Great (pay was shit though). I was discussing this with a mate about if you absolutely have to pull an impromptu sickie (say for some reason the festival's going on for an extra day). Swollen balls. Give swollen balls as the reason for absence. The boss won't want to delve further. But you can only use it once. You're welcome.
  11. kalidarkone

    kalidarkone Up to my knees in amniotic fluid

    Sadly ming I can't use that! Please come up with an excuse that does not exclude the half of the population! :mad:
  12. Mumbles274

    Mumbles274 running from law and the press and the parents

    Great Sickies I have thrown and loved
  13. JimW

    JimW 支那暗杀团

    I've got some horrible work ethic hangover despite being Catholic and never do. Just useless when I am working so I still win.
  14. kalidarkone

    kalidarkone Up to my knees in amniotic fluid

    I was sick for a day a few months ago and I have been told in my return to work interview that I can't be sick again for another 6 months as I will incurr stage 1 in the sickness policy!!!
  15. Yossarian

    Yossarian free shrugs

    "'Fucking right I'd be fucking sad to see the fucking carpark closed, where do those cunts think I'm going to park my fucking car.' Can you use that?"
    Me76, Cloo, farmerbarleymow and 6 others like this.
  16. bubblesmcgrath

    bubblesmcgrath Well-Known Member

    On the day we got our holidays, the principal got everyone into the hall for an assembly. As the vice principal lectured everyone the principal walked around the hall giving out white envelopes to each teacher....
    Everyone was wondering...what on earth it could be? A mystery bonus? Next year's class list?
    Nah.....a list of our sick leave for the past 4 years and a not too subtle warning....about half pay and when it will kick in....
    What a gobshite / moron / jerk...:rolleyes:
    He watched as staff opened their envelopes ... and after I saw their reactions and his I didnt fucking bother opening mine and stuffed the envelope in my bag.
    The same gobshite was overheard, the morning after the staff night out, saying to the vice principal, "wasn't it interesting watching the way the staff behaved last night...bit of an eye opener "....

    Eta...I wont be pulling sickies for the next 4 years...:(
  17. littleseb

    littleseb littleseb

    Friend of mine saw her 14 year old daughter on a C4 doc on truancy. She was giving it large, like 'of course my mum don't know i'm bunking off', 'i forge her signature' and 'if she'd find out she'd probably kill me'.
    UrbaneFox, muscovyduck, Wilf and 8 others like this.
  18. cybershot

    cybershot Well-Known Member

    haha, assuming your boss is a bloke, i've known simply saying 'women's problems' to be more than enough of a reason to get out of the conversation quickly enough.

    The boss in my last place was a nightmare, as was the sickness policy, you had to phone in every god damn day, and speak to your boss, and if you couldn't get hold of them, you had to phone HR until you spoke to a human being, and only until you had a drs note signing you off, could you get off with not phoning every day. This was more a pain when you actually ill, because if you'd had a crap nights sleep and managed to finally get to sleep, you still had to set an alarm at 8:30 to start ringing work to tell them you were not coming in, again.

    My boss would also suddenly turn into my GP, have you done this, have you done that, have you tried taking this. Fucking hell mate, can you write me a prescription while you're at it because I can't actually get seen by a Dr for 2 weeks! Twat.

    My current place is lush, you just phone an automated sickness hotline on day 1, and phone it again when you're back in the office :D Don't even have to speak to anyone.
  19. UnderAnOpenSky

    UnderAnOpenSky baseline neural therapy

    I can't actually remember what the last time I threw a sickie when there was nothing wrong with me. :oops:

    Closest I came was far to much booze the night before many years ago, struggling in anyway and being sent home. Luckily there was sickness doing the rounds and they assumed I had that and didn't want me to infect people.
    farmerbarleymow likes this.
  20. Ted Striker

    Ted Striker Foot's on the other hand

  21. cupid_stunt

    cupid_stunt & dyslexic cnut.

    Never phone in sick, then post pictures of yourself out with friends on FB, when your employer is a FB friend.

    I know some twat that did this. :facepalm:
  22. cybershot

    cybershot Well-Known Member

    haha, showing my age, but thankfully this was before the days of smartphones and youtube
  23. Stood on a wasp is a good one. Can only be used once, but is good for 2 to 3 days off.
  24. kalidarkone

    kalidarkone Up to my knees in amniotic fluid

    No No she is not a bloke and I'm in nursing, so 'womens problem's are not embarrassing - in fact we love talking about them and sexual problems too. I regularly recover women after gynae surgery :D
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2017
  25. bubblesmcgrath

    bubblesmcgrath Well-Known Member

    I've had to get drs certs for every sick day. Considering I have some serious shit going on health wise...the boss is a total jerk about it. Insists on phone call....
    I was rushed into hospital just before Christmas last year and as I'm being wired up to monitors my concern was that there was no phone coverage ....
    I quickly copped myself on...when they started doing an mri.

    Eventually I got a nurse to text the boss that I was in hospital...

    He texted back 8 hours later..."hope you feel better soon".
  26. Orang Utan

    Orang Utan Sub-Sub-Librarian

  27. Pickman's model

    Pickman's model The word of Sin is Restriction

    yeh but you see the difference, that you weren't working at the time
  28. Orang Utan

    Orang Utan Sub-Sub-Librarian

    i was supposed to be though
  29. Pickman's model

    Pickman's model The word of Sin is Restriction

    ah right i took you to mean you were dossing off school rather than dossing off work
  30. Orang Utan

    Orang Utan Sub-Sub-Librarian

    i was, but i was expected to work, as one is supposed to do at school.

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