the uk's newest submarine, hms audacious, has a surprising omission...

[Spymaster]

You could say all the same stuff about a gigantic £1 billion statue of a wanking monkey...

No you couldn't.

 

[Pickman's model]

Not really, son. Think of all the jobs that were created to design and build it; all the jobs needed to run and service it. All the technology that had to be developed that'll be used in other things, all the scientific discoveries that wouldn't have been made otherwise. And it looks great in that shade of grey with those cute little sticky-out bow planes.

Not to mention the scaffolders

 

[hot air baboon]

being intensely claustrophobic my wonder is reserved for people happy to be hermetically sealed and submerged under water in the bloody thing

eta - although that's obviously preferable to it being submerged whilst not hermetically sealed ofcourse

 

[YouSir]

No you couldn't.

Could say the same of a space program though. Or many, many other things.

 

[Yossarian]

No you couldn't.

True, a wanking monkey robot would have been a better analogy.

 

[wiskey]

Obviously it's a complete waste of money and a daft bit of posturing... But I actually have less issue with a war machine which isn't fit for purpose than I do with one that is.

 

[likesfish]

It doesnt need a perioscope ffs it does clever stuff with cameras .
The astute probably isn't as good as they say but its probably better than any other sub out there.

 

[EastEnder]

You could say all the same stuff about a gigantic £1 billion mechanical statue of a wanking monkey, and it'd be a lot harder to attack the wrong country with one of those.

This must be built. Can we do one of those government public petition thingys? How many signatures would be required for a giant wanking monkey?

 

[DotCommunist]

It doesnt need a perioscope ffs it does clever stuff with cameras .
The astute probably isn't as good as they say but its probably better than any other sub out there.

Yeah just weld a couple of waterproof Iphones to the front, jobs a goodun

 

[hot air baboon]

How many signatures would be required for a giant wanking monkey?

could we get Anthony Gormley ?

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

could we get Anthony Gormley ?

A giant, wanking Gormley? Might as well I guess.

 

[Bakunin]

A giant, wanking Gormley? Might as well I guess.

Jars of warm liver.

I'll say no more...

 

[agricola]

Almost as good as when the crew of HMS Torbay found out at her sea trials, that some genius had wired the reactor control rods so they worked BACKWARDS.

AFTER she'd left port

A hundred men died on HMS Thetis because someone painted over an indicator that was meant to allow a trickle of water through if a torpedo tube's door was open (99 men on the boat, one salvage diver later on).

 

[Bakunin]

A hundred men died on HMS Thetis because someone painted over an indicator that was meant to allow a trickle of water through if a torpedo tube's door was open (99 men on the boat, one salvage diver later on).

Yes, HMS Thetis was on her sea trials at the time.

The disaster was in 1939. Months after her sinking she was raised, refitted and renamed HMS Thunderbolt, lost with all hands in the Med in 1943.

 

[agricola]

Yes, HMS Thetis was on her sea trials at the time.

The disaster was in 1939. Months after her sinking she was raised, refitted and renamed HMS Thunderbolt, lost with all hands in the Med in 1943.

Indeed. There are few better examples (Gresford is one) of how the pre-war Government could behave in a really especially bad way, even by the standards set by previous and subsequent British governments - my favourite one from the disaster is that the one matelot to escape the sub (Leading Stoker Walter Arnold) had his pay stopped afterwards because he couldn't produce his pay-book, which he had neglected to bring with him during his underwater escape from a doomed submarine.

 

[Yossarian]

A hundred men died on HMS Thetis because someone painted over an indicator that was meant to allow a trickle of water through if a torpedo tube's door was open (99 men on the boat, one salvage diver later on).

My grandfather's brother was a Cammell Laird worker who died on the Thetis - not a way I would want to go.

 

[Bakunin]

My grandfather's brother was a Cammell Laird worker who died on the Thetis - not a way I would want to go.

Nor me, terrible way to die.

It's why military folk are often so pernickety about tiny little details. Ignoring them can have the worst possible consequences.

 

[dylanredefined]

Nor me, terrible way to die.

It's why military folk are often so pernickety about tiny little details. Ignoring them can have the worst possible consequences.

All Safety lessons are normally built on foundations of corpses.

 

[A380]

Why do we need hunter killer submarines anyway? It's not like we live on an island with most of our food and energy coming in by ship.

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

Why do we need hunter killer submarines anyway? It's not like we live on an island with most of our food and energy coming in by ship.

tbf the septics are our mates and we've said we'll back 'em up, like mates do. But they are so far ahead we should just fuck it all off. Tell everyone that our forces have gone ultra-stealth and you can't see 'em, but they're massive and fucking rock. Job done.

 

[likesfish]

one astute means anybody else apart from the US Navy decides its a really good day not to go to sea see the argentine navys response to nuclear submarines return to port and play no more role in the war.

 

[BigMoaner]

Wonder if its got a CD player or bluetooth

 

[SpookyFrank]

Wonder if its got a CD player or bluetooth

It does but the bluetooth refuses to pair with anything.

 

[BigMoaner]

It does but the bluetooth refuses to pair with anything.

These people .

 

[Artaxerxes]

It doesnt need a perioscope ffs it does clever stuff with cameras .
The astute probably isn't as good as they say but its probably better than any other sub out there.

Live Webcams you reckon? They'll need em if there away from port to long i guess.

 

[A380]

Supposedly they have files like fingerprints so they can do clever stuff and work out what floating thing is which.

If you've not read this it is both quite a good satirical novel set on an American carrier in Gulf War 1 and also casts a light onto what passive sonar operators can do.

The Aardvark Is Ready For War

 

[likesfish]

Or they can just click here: New York Harbor Webcam - Live Streaming Video from PTZtv

you laugh but one of norway's subs on exercise got spotted by a royal naval officer flying into oslo who got the pilot to contact the task force sent to hunt it exercise ended rather quickly

 

[Yossarian]

Indeed. There are few better examples (Gresford is one) of how the pre-war Government could behave in a really especially bad way, even by the standards set by previous and subsequent British governments

According to documents found many years after the disaster, after Thetis partially resurfaced with the men still alive inside, authorities delayed cutting an escape hole or even air holes because they were afraid the hull would be permanently damaged.

A document was uncovered by author Tony Booth while researching Thetis Down: The Slow Death Of A Submarine. He found a memo at the National Archives in Kew signed by Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain’s private secretary Sir John ‘Jock’ Colville and dated February 9, 1940. Referring to the cutting of a hole, Colville wrote:

‘This was not attempted until matters became desperate, in order that the submarine might be as little damaged as possible.’

 

[farmerbarleymow]

Why do we need hunter killer submarines anyway?

To destroy EU fishing boats that have the temerity to enter UK waters.

 

[teqniq]

I'm no expert...but this sounds a bit BS...

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I'm thinking there'd be quite a lot of other ships leaving other ports that might make some 'noise' as well?

Not just any bullshit but BAE systems bullshit, you know the people that sell all kinds of nasty weaponry to such lovely people as the Saudis. All with the government's blessing because they have all the right connections and subsequently they can come out with any old shit they like.