The Perfect Bolognese...

[Orang Utan]

You too?! No one understands me.

Start cooking properly then!

 

[pootle]

Fuck off twat. I'm not saying thats my full recipe, I'm just highlighting the two things I feel are important.

You would never, ever find tomato ketchup is a proper bolognaise. Twat.

 

[fen_boy]

Two things make a great spag bol:

lots and lots of crunchy vegetables (like carrots, peppers, onions, celery (sp?)) and a dollop of Heinz Ketchup in with your chosen sauce of choice. It works a treat to sweaten the flavour and make it an interesting texture instead of that horrible pasty type stuff you get in restaurants.

With a side order of fish fingers, maltesers and salad cream - mmmmmm yummy

 

[jodal]

Meh, who cares. Thats what I like in bolognaise, I am sincerely sorry that it offends you lot.

 

[Nassarian]

Meh, who cares. Thats what I like in bolognaise, I am sincerely sorry that it offends you lot.

Totally offends, I am right off bolognese now

 

[Phenol]

How did you find that out?

passed down through generations (brother-in-law told me!)

 

[Nassarian]

passed down through generations (brother-in-law told me!)

surely they must have picked up the coffee instead of the gravy granules, it just sounds wrong

 

[Phenol]

look dudes - bollocknaise is supposed to be a simple, quick, tasty dish IMO. If you're going to start adding posh stuff like celery and chickens knee caps then it's just not a bol.

Keep it simple and NO fuckin ketchup!

No more arguing!

 

[jodal]

You would never, ever find tomato ketchup is a proper bolognaise. Twat.

It seems you are missing my point. I am not saying that you base the sauce on a bottle of ketchup. Just a quick squirt of it to sweeten the sauce like. I guess its quite a low brow way of cooking but fuck it, who cares. I once looked through to the kitchen at Claridges and am 100% sure that I saw Gordon sneaking some of Heinz's finest into the bolognaise. So there, proof.

 

[Phenol]

surely they must have picked up the coffee instead of the gravy granules, it just sounds wrong

Gravy granules - HOW DARE YOU SIR!

 

[Phenol]

Oh, and just one last thing - none of this 'lean' mince shite either. You need standard mince with a bit of fat to give flavour.
If you want to be healthy fuck off and eat some rabbit food but don't bring your fanatical health kick into MY Italian kitchen!






must








calm








down

 

[Mrs Miggins]

This is the best ever recipe for Bolognese EVER....

So I take it this isn't very "saucy" ? Does it come out more like sort of moist deliciously flavoured mince?

 

[Nassarian]

Oh, and just one last thing - none of this 'lean' mince shite either. You need standard mince with a bit of fat to give flavour.
If you want to be healthy fuck off and eat some rabbit food but don't bring your fanatical health kick into MY Italian kitchen!






must








calm








down

too much coffee perhaps

 

[s.norbury]

fry an onion till brown add garlic, fry a bit more, add tins of tomatoes and puree + herbs and a little mollasses;/ simmer a while. Add chunks of carrot, blend it up till the carrots are granular; Add olive oil Heat a bit more, throw in a handful of seeds, fresh herbs other veg? SERVE with spaghetti on a hot plate

 

[Biddlybee]

I forget to add the milk too often too.

When do you add the milk to it?

 

[starfish]

I usually add a couple of teaspoons of sugar to sweeten, always a dash of Worcester sauce. I also find that tinned peeled plum tomatoes are better than tinned chopped tomatoes. As for the mince i always try & use Angus.

 

[killer b]

you missed out the meat?

<@ s norbury btw>

 

[tarannau]

When do you add the milk to it?

Usually towards the end. Only needs to heat through a little

Letting the thing cook slowly, bubbling almost imperceptibly, helps make a particularly thick and beautiful sauce. Cook harder and there's a risk it becomes more separated and thinner.

 

[Biddlybee]

Usually towards the end.

Does it add much to the flavour? I've never added milk before.

 

[s.norbury]

you missed out the meat?

<@ s norbury btw>

whoooopssss

 

[ChrisFilter]

Haha Jodal.. you're getting all upset.. calm down little chimp, it'll be ok (((((Little Chimp)))))

 

[Orang Utan]

So I take it this isn't very "saucy" ? Does it come out more like sort of moist deliciously flavoured mince?

Yeah, sort of.
I don't like sloppy sauces - it seems like a waste, cos most of it ends up in a place other than your stomach

 

[jodal]

Haha Jodal.. you're getting all upset.. calm down little chimp, it'll be ok (((((Little Chimp)))))

Haha, ha, ahhh. Not upset mate, just not used to the harsh reality of suburban. I should probs go back to the film forum before I get metaphorically gang banged again by this bunch of old l'hoosers.

Just kidding of course.

 

[Mrs Miggins]

...cos most of it ends up in a place other than your stomach

Only if you're a messy eater


(thanks though - it sounds delicious!)

 

[tarannau]

Does it add much to the flavour? I've never added milk before.

I can live without it - hell, I forget it to add it all too often, but I suspect because I'm being a little inauthentic with the extra tomatoes it doesn't make as much difference, but it does add a little added creaminess and depth.

 

[Ozric]

Yeah, sort of.
I don't like sloppy sauces - it seems like a waste, cos most of it ends up in a place other than your stomach

That's what garlic breads for

 

[craigxcraig]

Have skimmed read through - what works for me is a small amount of chicken livers with the mince, brings a fantastic meaty flavour!

 

[Ms T]

'Sweaten' it eh? Mmmmmmmmm!

Get rid of the crunch imho.. I hate crunchy veg. I reckon:

Tomato
Mushroom
Fucking shit loads of slightly rare mince
Tobasco
Sun blush tomatos
Red Wine
Pecorino Nero

Bung it in a pan, job done.

Slightly rare mince? Surely the whole point of bolognese sauce is that it's cooked slowly and for a long time?

 

[omlette]

fry onions until starting to brown a bit
add good beef mince (agree that it shouldn't be too lean), fry until brown
add a few slivers of garlic
add a little bit of good beef stock
add oregano and basil
add black pepper and a bit of salt
add some drained tinned tomatoes

cook on a VERY low heat for as long as possible, stirring once in awhile. Do not allow it to come to a boil as it makes the tomatoes go all acidic and lose their sweetness.

at some point add some chopped bacon that has already been grilled or fried separately.

add a dollop of milk or (even better) cream at the end after it's off the heat.


======


admittedly this is probably nothing like real ragu from Bologna, but it's a very nice tomatoey spaghetti sauce.

 

[prunus]

look dudes - bollocknaise is supposed to be a simple, quick, tasty dish IMO. If you're going to start adding posh stuff like celery and chickens knee caps then it's just not a bol.

Keep it simple and NO fuckin ketchup!

No more arguing!

Ah! You never said we were making *Bollock*naise!

So:

Chop up an onion. Fry it. Add a lump of frozen mince and watch telly until defrosted. Tip into unburnt pan, add a tin of tomatoes - mash with wooden spoon. Add ketchup/worcester sauce/tabasco/angostura bitters, stir desultarily, overcook some spaghetti (breaking it into little pieces to get it in to the pan), mix together, eat.