The Official Simpsons Quote Thread

[mk12]

Homer: Moe I need your advice... See I've got this friend named Joey Joe Joe...Junior...Shabadoo.

Moe: That's the worst name I've ever heard.

Guy: *runs out of the bar, crying*

Barney: Hey! Joey Joe Joe!

 

[akirajoel]

Principal Skinner: "Order, order. Do you kids wanna be like the real UN or do you just wanna squabble and waste time?"

Principal Skinner: "That's why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them."

Principal Skinner: "That's two independent thought alarms in one day. Willie, the children are over-stimulated. Remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms."


And whats the one where they demolish the school hall with bulldozer?

 

[Wess]

I just watched this ten seconds ago....

Lisa is at the Smithsonian looking at a corporate logo and asking herself "why does the Smithsonian need corporate sponsorship?" .... when a lady jumps out from behind it with the answer....

"the American Government needs to put the taxpayers money into lots of things...Anti Tobacco .... Pro Tobacco .... and Israel." !

 

[Lord Camomile]

Homer - "Trying is the first step towards failure"

Amen

 

[CyberRose]

"Wow! Can I see your club?"

"It's called a baton, son."

"Oh. What's it for?"

"We club people with it."

 

[Badgers]

To Alcohol...........The cause of, and the solution to all of lifes problems!

(Beer Baron episode?)

 

[fubert]

"it's ok mrs simpson i watched matlock in a bar last night, the sound wasn't on but i got the jist of it"

lionel hutz

 

[badseed]

Ralph, on the subject of fire

At my house we call them uh-oh's!

 

[MojoGherkin]

Homer is missing Lisa and Bart when the state takes them into care. He goes into Lisa's room and picks up her saxophone, looks very sad, he then goes:

"Saxo-ma-phone"

"Saxo-ma-phone"



Troy Maclure:

You may remember me from such films as Xmas Ape...and Xmas Ape goes to summer camp.

You may remember me from such public information films as Alice doesn't live anymore...Firecrackers, the silent killer



And Lionel Hutz on a tough judge:

Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son."

 

[Stigmata]

Marge: I wish we could protect Bart more, but i'm afraid of smothering him!

Homer: Yeah, and then we'd get the chair.

 

[Pingu]

Homer: No TV and No Beer Make Homer something something.
Marge: [timid] "Go Crazy"?
Homer: Don't mind if I do!

Homer: Can't murder now: eating

you may like this site folks: click on me

sod it a few more of my favs

Bart: Here we go. Kwyjibo. [places his tiles] K-W-Y-J-I-B-O.
Twenty-two points, plus triple-word-score, plus fifty points
for using all my letters. Game's over. I'm outta here. [gets up]
Homer: [grabs Bart with his left hand, holding a banana in his right]
Wait a minute, you little cheater!
You're not going anywhere until you tell me what a kwyjibo is.
Bart: Kwyjibo. Uh... a big, dumb, balding North American ape. With no chin.
Marge: And a short temper.
Homer: I'll show you a big, dumb, balding ape! [leaps for Bart]
Bart: [making his escape] Uh oh. Kwyjibo on the loose!

Homer: I can't fake an interest in this, and I'm an expert at faking an
interest in your kooky projects.
Marge: What kooky projects?
Homer: You know, the painting class, the first aid course,
the whole Lamaze thing.

 

[Balbi]

"Must kill Moe....wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....Must kill Moe....wheeeeeeeeeeeee"

I was in stitches when I first saw that

 

[Juice Terry]

Homer: Homer no function beer well without.

Marge:Oh no, Ralph I'm sorry for pepper spraying you.
Ralph:My boogers are spicy.

 

[Belzub]

Skinner: "Good gravy!"

Cook: "Oh thank you, is just brown and water."

 

[pk]

"I'm not fat I'm big-boned!"

 

[akirajoel]

"I'm not fat I'm big-boned!"

OH MY GOD!!!

Dissent!

 

[i_hate_beckham]

"I'm not fat I'm big-boned!"

pk in funny joke shock!!!

 

[Belzub]

he ripped that off obelix anyway

 

[lizzieloo]

Homer: Marge, I'm going to Moe's. Send the kids to the neighbors, I'm coming back loaded!

 

[akirajoel]

Psych #1: Excuse me, what are you doing?
Marge: Oh, I was just praying to God that you'll find me sane.
Psych #1: I see. And this "God", is he in this room right now?
Marge: Oh, yes. He's kind of everywhere.
(The psychologists exchange disapproving looks.)

 

[lizzieloo]

I liked the line she just said when she got shot with the tranquiliser gun

Fell down

Got up

Said I've no time for a nap

I'll find the proper quote.........................

 

[spanglechick]

On proudly showing off the family of possums living in the access panel of the monorail:

I call the big one "Bitey".

 

[Thunderponce]

This is after Homer becomes a car salesman, and is listening in to a couple's conversation, who he has just taken out for a test drive:-

Man: Well honey, whaddya think?
Lady: Did that salesman cut one during the test drive?
Man: Yeah, and for some reason he turned on the radio to cover up the smell.
Lady: Lets get out of here, I'm not shaking that guy's hand.

 

[articul8]

Homer in China:

"You guys are commies ?! So why do I see rudimentary free-markets"

 

[liberty]

There are no accusations just friendly crustaceans under the sea

 

[stupid kid]

Kent Brockman:

Just miles from your doorstep, hundreds of men are given weapons and trained to kill. The government calls it the Army, but a more alarmist name would be... The Killbot Factory

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: democracy just doesn't work.

The results are in: for Sideshow Bob, one hundred percent; and for Joe Quimby, one percent. And we remind you there is a one percent margin of error.

 

[mwgdrwg]

Homer (an a mushroom trip): "I think I brained my damage."

 

[Wintermute]

I can't quite remember it but there's one where Burns orders the release of an army of flying monkeys, who all promptly fall to their death, and he says to Smithers, "Continue the experiments."