The Official Simpsons Quote Thread

[SubZeroCat]

Homer: [drunk] "Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him."

 

[i_hate_beckham]

Bart: Dad you kissed me

Homer: There's nothing wrong with a father kissing his son............... I think.

 

[red rose]

Frink to a room full of chattering scientists...

"scientist, scientist please. Can we have some order with the eyes forward and the being quiet at the paying of attention....Pi is exactly three!"
<gasp>
"now I'm sorry it had to come to that"

 

[i_hate_beckham]

Ceaser Chavez: Homer, I'm am the spirit of Ceaser Chavez

Homer: Then why do you look like Ceaser Romero

Ceaser Chavez: Because you dont know what Ceaser Chavez looks like

 

[SubZeroCat]

Ralph Wiggum is hilarious:

(taken from a website)

Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible.

Ralph: That's my swingset, and that's my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. And this is where I met the leprechaun.
Bart: Right, the leprechaun.
Ralph: He told me to burn things

Ralph (To a wolf): Will you be my mommy? You smell like dead bunnies...

Ralph: Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.

Ralph: When I grow up I'm going to Bovine University.

 

[DexterTCN]

But Marge, with 10 thousand dollars we'd be millionaires!

 

[i_hate_beckham]

Dr Nick Riviera: Hi Everybody

Mr Burns: Ho.mer Simp.son

 

[SubZeroCat]

Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

 

[SubZeroCat]

Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty and if its speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called ... "The Bus That Couldnt Slow Down."

 

[akirajoel]

(Homer writes 'I am Homer Simpson' in green paint on Mr Burn's office wall when Mr Burns walks in)

Mr Burns: "Who the devil are you?"

 

[i_hate_beckham]

Mr Burns: So Smithers what are you doing on the weekend? Something gay no doubt?

Smithers: I beg your pardon (look of horror)

Mr Burns: You know, lock up your daughters Smithers is on the town

 

[Louloubelle]

When did this happen? I thought K was Jewish?

IMMIC krusty has never had a bar mitzva and is told that he isn't officially jewish

http://www.tvtome.com/tvtome/servlet/EpisodeReviewPage/showid-146/epid-273359/blockid-97961/

 

[SubZeroCat]

Chief Wiggum: This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.

 

[i_hate_beckham]

Krusty's Komedy Klassic

Krusty: KKK, ooh that isnt good

 

[i_hate_beckham]

Homer: Potato man

Guard at U2 gig: Where the hell have you been?

 

[DexterTCN]

D'oh!

 

[i_hate_beckham]

D'oh!

LOL 46 quotes it took to get that.

 

[i_hate_beckham]

Homer: The best 2 words in the English language De Fault.

 

[jms]

Wiggum - "It's some sort of ghost-car" or "Somebody stop that, awful, awful man"

Ralph's imaginary leprechaun - "Now, you know what you have to do, sonny, Burn them, Burn them all"

Ralph "It tastes like..burning"

Frink "Wait, thats not the monster detector, this is frog exagerator" "Pi is exactly three!"

 

[fubert]

lionel hutz : i move for a bad court thingy

 

[akirajoel]

Ned: "Ahah, Homer, uh, all those things you've borrowed from me over the years, you know, the tv trays, power sanders, the downstairs bathtub, are you going to be needing those things in Cypress Creek?"
Homer: "Yes."
Ned: "Uhuhu..."
Homer: (waves hands) "Okely...Dokely"
Ned: "Okely Dokely!"

 

[billy_bob]

Homer: My name is Mr Burns, I believe you have a package for me.

Post office worker: OK Mr Burns whats your first name

Homer: I......... er................ don't know.

You got my all time favourite there. It's the tone of voice that does it. Along with:

Smithers: "Market research shows they see you as something of an ogre"
Burns: "I ought to club them and eat their bones"

 

[half_eaten_arm]

Burns: I should've known you were the only one stupid enough to kidnap you! Now get down here so I can spank you in front of this gawking rabble. Smithers, take off my belt.
Smithers: With pleasure, sir!

Lisa: Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?
Homer: Well, I think the veal died of loneliness

[Stone flies through Mr. Burns' office window]
Look Smithers, a bird has become petrified and lost its sense of direction.

 

[half_eaten_arm]

and two more...

Skinner: Mother's gone too far. She'd put cardboard over her half of the television. We rented "Man Without A Face" - I didn't even know he had a problem

Barney: Hello, my name is Barney Gumble, and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr Gumble, this is a girl scouts meeting.
Barney: Is it, or is it you girls can't admit that you have a problem?

 

[richsaint]

Abe Simpson: "My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star."

Homer: (looking at Uraguay on globe) "Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You are gay.'"

Homer: "Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."

 

[Matt S]

"Save me Jeebus!"

Matt

 

[starfish]

Snake "Close but no doughnuts cops"

 

[richsaint]

(After Santa' Little Helper runs off after George Bush)
Homer: "I guess you might say he's barking up the wrong Bush."
Homer's Brain: "There it is, Homer. The cleverest thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it."
Homer: "D'oh."

Homer: "Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!"
Homer's Brain: "Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!"
Homer: "Explain how!"
Homer's Brain: "Money can be exchanged for goods and services!"
Homer: "Woo-hoo!"

Bart: "Dad, what's a Muppet?"
Homer: "Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don't know"

I'm getting a bit carried away here, but this next one is my all time favourite

Burns: "I suggest you leave immediately"
Homer: "Or what? You'll release the dogs or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?"

 

[poului]

rthy6tru6u76

Kent Brockman at beginning of episode - "....which if it's true means death for us all."

 

[i_hate_beckham]

Moe: Take that science

(hits woolly mamoth and tusk falls crushing him)

Moe: Ooh i just hope medical science can cure me.