The Metro thinks you should buy your kids sex toys

Discussion in 'UK politics, current affairs and news' started by bemused, Jan 1, 2018.

  1. bemused

    bemused Well-Known Member

    I was going to title this post 'the Metro is going down the pan' but that seems superfluous at this point.


    Why you should buy your kids sex toys | Metro News

    At the risk of being a little TMI I didn't need my father to give me wanking tips, as a teenage lad I worked it out myself. I'm not sure, but I'm betting young girls didn't need their mothers to explain it either.

    However, in this uber cringy article, the Metro think that the moment you suspect your offspring is rubbing one out you should rush out an buy them a fleshlight or a vibrator.

    Nothing over the top mind you, as the author points out - you wouldn't want it to be 'scary or intimidating' no no no you want your 13-year-old to feel comfortable and relaxed as she unwraps the Lovehoney present you just got her.

    According to the author young girls need special guidance because without it; well you can read for yourself. It all seems a bit condescending to me.
  2. Stanley Edwards

    Stanley Edwards 1967 Maserati Mistral.

    Youporn is to blame. The kids today miss the romance we all enjoyed when we were young.
    dessiato, Poi E and Badgers like this.
  3. Yossarian

    Yossarian free shrugs

    "Don't let your kids grow up with weird attitudes about sex - make sure they're thinking of Mom every time they use a vibrator!"
  4. Fez909

    Fez909 toilet expert

    Imagine a father taking his 11yo daughter to pick out her first dildo at Ann Summers...straight on the list :facepalm:
  5. Puddy_Tat

    Puddy_Tat lumpen proletaricat

    frankly, :eek:
    equationgirl and Badgers like this.
  6. Rutita1

    Rutita1 Scum with no integrity, apparently.

    I dildo what you are on about. :(
  7. agricola

    agricola a genuine importer of owls

    I am amazed this wasn't in the Standard, to be honest.
  8. Bahnhof Strasse

    Bahnhof Strasse Free the Sepsis Six!

    Sounds like a right load of old wank.
  9. Poi E

    Poi E Pessimism: a valuable protection against quackery.

    Teenagers smell bad enough as it is. Don't encourage more excretions.
  10. skyscraper101

    skyscraper101 0891 50 50 50

    The very thought that my parents would be in any way involved with my teenage self pleasuring.... just NO.

    If it weren’t bad enough, did that piece really need an illustration pair of cum encrusted knickers in it?
    emanymton, moochedit, Fez909 and 2 others like this.
  11. Pickman's model

    Pickman's model Every man and every woman is a star

    not even a proper picture
    Badgers likes this.
  12. Pickman's model

    Pickman's model Every man and every woman is a star

    from the sounds of it the author found it difficult to get to grips with wanking:

    Badgers likes this.
  13. bemused

    bemused Well-Known Member

    The bit I found very odd was the suggestion unless girls had wanking training they's be liable use things like shot glasses instead. Now, I don't own a vagina but I trust those who do not to stick breakable objects in it.
  14. Pickman's model

    Pickman's model Every man and every woman is a star

    journalists are notoriously stupid tho.
  15. sealion

    sealion Well-Known Member

    Or Buzzfeed!
    Pickman's model and Badgers like this.
  16. maomao

    maomao 四月她爹

    Tbf my mum buying me a fleshlight would have put me off wanking for years.
  17. DotCommunist

    DotCommunist specter haunting

    'wheres my old briefcase of books'
    'your mums taken it for that trip'
    *dawning horror as the bastard leaves it two beats*
    'took that magazine I found in there out. Its under your bed'

    the extent of the stepdad-son masturbation conversation I got. As it should be, utterly horrifying but not as bad as this idea in the op
  18. sealion

    sealion Well-Known Member

    Bedroom door swings open,,

    ' Son you have got to stop this wanking or it will make you go blind '

    ' I'm over here dad'
  19. dessiato

    dessiato Looking for my shopping trolley

    I could imagine my parents doing this. They were very up front about sex and had no issue talking about it with me. When I was buying my first porn mags I had to smuggle them in or my mother and sister would nick them to read first.
    tim, ElizabethofYork and Badgers like this.
  20. Badgers

    Badgers Mr Big Shrimp!

    Fair play
  21. wayward bob

    wayward bob i ate all your bees

    my kids have hands :thumbs:
    Badgers and sealion like this.
  22. Badgers

    Badgers Mr Big Shrimp!

    Is that enough though? Is it really enough?
    Pickman's model likes this.
  23. wayward bob

    wayward bob i ate all your bees

    if it was good enough for my mum it's good enough for my kids :cool:
  24. Badgers

    Badgers Mr Big Shrimp!

    The world has moved on
    Pickman's model likes this.
  25. wayward bob

    wayward bob i ate all your bees

    not in my house it hasn't :mad:
  26. Badgers

    Badgers Mr Big Shrimp!

    I care not :D

    Nonsense story just to drive website traffic.

    However if you asked the teenage me if I wanted streaming HD porn and a fleshlight OR pausing the VHS I think the decision would be easy :D
  27. bemused

    bemused Well-Known Member

    Be careful, according to the Metro if you don't provide professional wank training your offspring may try to knock one out using a live badger. I'm surprised it isn't taught in schools, maybe a GCSE?
  28. SpookyFrank

    SpookyFrank Ridin' a Stutz Bearcat, Jim

    When I encounter these kinds of parents I always assume they're playing a long-game double bluff type thing to put their kids of sex forever.
  29. wayward bob

    wayward bob i ate all your bees

    funnily enough we were discussing oral sex with our 14-year old last night. she self-defines as asexual. job done :D
  30. sealion

    sealion Well-Known Member

    Pickman's model and Badgers like this.

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