The Logistics of a Cannibalistic Pie Shop

[kabbes]

"500-to-1: I like those odds".

 

[London_Calling]

Can we do that cunt Ramsey and put him in the window as a lossleader?

 

[el-ahrairah]

I really feel like I learned something from this thread. Well done, everybody.

 

[quimcunx]

Seems like a modest proposal.

Santino's plan is more viable though - more meat per carcass and the days of the baby farm are long gone, mores the pity. People get so precious about their babies these days.

I blame it on the rise of the middle classes.

 

[kabbes]

Hair Today, Pudding Tomorrow.

 

[goldenecitrone]

Ear today, Scone tomorrow.

 

[Hocus Eye.]

If you do get this up and running get in touch with me. I have a contact who could use the fresh livers, kidneys and hearts. You will get a price that will make the profit from the pies seem tiny.

Also be careful about which customers you use for this. Locals might have friends who come asking about them. Just use strangers who have happened by and have no local connections.

Oh and don't forget you can make black pudding, this will save having to get rid of the blood with its attendant effect on the local drains.

 

[marty21]

we could dress up on gorilla outfits

 

[jæd]

Also be careful about which customers you use for this. Locals might have friends who come asking about them. Just use strangers who have happened by and have no local connections.

Plenty of tourists in London...

 

[jæd]

Santino's plan is more viable though - more meat per carcass and the days of the baby farm are long gone, mores the pity. People get so precious about their babies these days.

I blame it on the rise of the middle classes.

Yes, but you store babies more easily:

 

[marty21]

Also be careful about which customers you use for this. Locals might have friends who come asking about them.

what, like, "can I have the best mate pie?"

 

[Santino]

Also be careful about which customers you use for this. Locals might have friends who come asking about them. Just use strangers who have happened by and have no local connections.

Already a central plank of the business plan.

Oh and don't forget you can make black pudding, this will save having to get rid of the blood with its attendant affect on the local drains.

This is the kind of blue-sky thinking I've been looking for!

 

[strung out]

i wonder how easy it is to get hold of human black pudding? assuming it was all done humanely via blood transfusion, i don't see a problem.

maybe i could make my own

 

[quimcunx]

Yes, but you store babies more easily:

That's a bit state of the art. Things have moved on since my baby-trading days.

 

[marty21]

you might get customers asking about the origins of our meat products, to make sure they had natural organic lives and that

 

[Bakunin]

Keith Floyd's probably still fresh. Would be a bit gamey though.

But you wouldn't have to marinade him, that's for sure.

 

[scifisam]

you might get customers asking about the origins of our meat products, to make sure they had natural organic lives and that

You'd have to make sure your longpig hadn't arrived by tube in summer, in case that breached hygienic meat transport regulations.

 

[marty21]

plus north londoners might insist on only eating south londoners

 

[kabbes]

plus north londoners might insist on only eating south londoners

I feel that the essential "people not knowing that they are eating people" aspect of the pie shop is being lost here.

 

[London_Calling]

Yep, put him on the list.

 

[quimcunx]

You'd have to make sure your longpig hadn't arrived by tube in summer, in case that breached hygienic meat transport regulations.

Surely they would be alive at that point, and it would therefore be a welfare issue?

Either way you would certainly want to avoid being on the wrong side of the law.

 

[marty21]

I feel that the essential "people not knowing that they are eating people" aspect of the pie shop is being lost here.

yeah, but by not telling people what they are eating, you lose your USP, and people may go to other pie shops instead

 

[Santino]

Our USP is pies and haircuts all under one roof!

And our margins are better because we source our own meat.

 

[marty21]

Our USP is pies and haircuts all under one roof!

And our margins are better because we source our own meat.

skinheads eat a lot of pies

 

[London_Calling]

marty - get up to speed with the sauce source text. Or face the consequences.

The USP is the unique flavour.

 

[kabbes]

I bet if you did this and called the place "Sweeny Tood's" then it would be a big commercial success and nobody would think for a minute that you were actually doing a real-life Sweeny Todd. Take refuge in audacity.

 

[marty21]

marty - get up to speed with the sauce source text. Or face the consequences.

The USP is the unique flavour.

but!!!




it tastes like chicken

 

[scifisam]

I bet if you did this and called the place "Sweeny Tood's" then it would be a big commercial success and nobody would think for a minute that you were actually doing a real-life Sweeny Todd. Take refuge in audacity.

You'd also make them feel all superior because they can spell Todd.

 

[London_Calling]

So about Keith Floyd - was it cremation or burial?

 

[marty21]

So about Keith Floyd - was it cremation or burial?

BBQ