The Logistics of a Cannibalistic Pie Shop

[marty21]

So we choloform them, chuck em in a pen. Get their mobiles and text everyone in their phone book "off 2 Crnwll bdboardin w/ tarquin. Well Weapon. 2 U Soon."

Then stuff a feeding pipe down their gobs and turn em into foie gras!

like your thinking

 

[8den]

Remember folks, take the fatty bits of skin and fry them with cumin and black pepper for some lovely longpork scratchings.

Given the opportunity one should feed the longpig a rich ragout of tomatoes and spices a few hours before butchering. Young or female is best, but if you must have male be sure to tenderise or marinade.

Longdog scratchings? Though I suspect he'd be a bit grizzly and stringy.

 

[London_Calling]

You need some fat fuckers obviously. Not only for the meat but they move slower: From 'who ate all the pies' to 'who is all the pies'.

 

[kabbes]

The kabbess met a couple with a smallholding. They said that butchering one pig would keep one person in meat for an entire year. At first I scoffed at the idea, but when I Did The Math, I realised that this seemed reasonable after all.

It's an amazing thing, tbh tyvm. There is no point to this story, but I thought of it so there it is.

And I reckon that 100 pies is quite a lot of pies to sell in a day.

 

[DotCommunist]

mixing the blood up with sawdust and offal that even the dog won't touch should give you more pie mix

 

[kabbes]

Oh no, we only want to make the finest quality pies.

 

[marty21]

The kabbess met a couple with a smallholding. They said that butchering one pig would keep one person in meat for an entire year. At first I scoffed at the idea, but when I Did The Math, I realised that this seemed reasonable after all.

It's an amazing thing, tbh tyvm. There is no point to this story, but I thought of it so there it is.

And I reckon that 100 pies is quite a lot of pies to sell in a day.

just call it meat 2.0, it'll fly off the shelves

 

[kabbes]

Seems like a modest proposal.

 

[mrsfran]

Seems like a modest proposal.

ISWYDT, you wag.

 

[Onket]

we need a focus group for a company name, not sure cannabilistic pie shop is catchy enough for the soaraway market conditions we have to tackle

The Cannibalistic Pie Shoppe.

 

[Santino]

So it would seem that one murder a week is sufficient to supply a small pie shop. This is real progress, thanks everyone.

 

[goldenecitrone]

So it would seem that one murder a week is sufficient to supply a small pie shop. This is real progress, thanks everyone.

Is murder really necessary? Surely some kind of deal with the local mortuary would be in order. Plenty of fresh cuts there.

 

[kabbes]

Better do two though, just to be on the safe side. And, y'know, for fun.

 

[Santino]

Is murder really necessary? Surely some kind of deal with the local mortuary would be in order. Plenty of fresh cuts there.

Our business plan depends on preying on innocent strangers. If you're going to pay for meat why bother with cannibalism at all? You've not run a business before, have you?

 

[Santino]

Better do two though, just to be on the safe side. And, y'know, for fun.

Is two murders a week outside our Risk Appetite?

 

[Lo Siento.]

watch for tips.

 

[kabbes]

Is two murders a week outside our Risk Appetite?

It's all about the risk/reward payoff.

 

[goldenecitrone]

Our business plan depends on preying on innocent strangers. If you're going to pay for meat why bother with cannibalism at all? You've not run a business before, have you?

No, sadly not. I suppose you won't be going with my logo 'Dig up and dig in' either then.

 

[London_Calling]

Can we only use tv chefs as fillings. You know, as an ironic twist?

How about the old bird on the motorbike for starters - 'starters' in the procedural sense, that is.

 

[kabbes]

You'd get more than 440 pies out of a Worrell-Thompson.

 

[goldenecitrone]

Can we only use tv chefs as fillings. You know, as an ironic twist?

How about the okld bird on the motorbike for starters - starters in the procedural sense, that is.

Keith Floyd's probably still fresh. Would be a bit gamey though.

 

[scifisam]

we need a focus group for a company name, not sure cannabilistic pie shop is catchy enough for the soaraway market conditions we have to tackle

You Are What You Eat.

 

[Santino]

I'm starting to think that some people aren't taking this seriously.

 

[London_Calling]

Oh referee!

Some good work here people!

 

[kabbes]

I'm starting to think that some people aren't taking this seriously.

They will do when they come for a hair cut.

 

[scifisam]

You'd get more than 440 pies out of a Worrell-Thompson.

Nigella'd make particularly tasty pies.

 

[Santino]

You Are What You Eat.

Slogan - We Serve Anyone

 

[goldenecitrone]

Pies R Us.

 

[Crispy]

R YOU, surely?

 

[scifisam]

Slogan - We Serve Anyone

Piefect.