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The job hunting support thread

Discussion in 'education & employment' started by Cloo, Jul 11, 2012.

  1. Orang Utan

    Orang Utan Sub-Sub-Librarian

    at one point they said they were here to help me get work and i got a bit angry about that. they do not really help anyone get work. the most they do is provide computers to search for jobs, or send you on a useless course.
     
  2. Orang Utan

    Orang Utan Sub-Sub-Librarian

    yep, the reason they're off work is probably due to their humanity and compassion. they were very kind to me and were encouraging and supportive, which I suppose is frowned upon by managers.
     
  3. Puddy_Tat

    Puddy_Tat lumpen proletaricat

    which is bollocks.

    they are there to get you off benefits as quick as possible by any means they can
     
  4. Orang Utan

    Orang Utan Sub-Sub-Librarian

    I'm applying for jobs I don't want just to get £70 a week. FFS.
    I'm doing them very quickly and not bothering to correct typos or mistakes, and just saying yes in boxes that ask about skills/qualities/all that bullshit. So hopefully this will keep DWP happy and not waste anyone's time. I wish there was an automated service for applying for things. What a fiasco.
    stoopid.png
     
    donkyboy and chilango like this.
  5. Orang Utan

    Orang Utan Sub-Sub-Librarian

    I am now going for frivolous answers to cheer me up, such as:

    I am eminently qualified for the job, but I have a job offer already, and even a start date, but the DWP are making me keep applying for jobs, wasting my time and yours, so apologies for making you read this far. Blame the Tories

    Clown shoes

    Has own hair

    I am very nice

    Professional, though

    You still reading?

    Cycling Proficiency

    Swimming Bronze Medal

    Have I got the job then?

    Anyone want a drink?
     
  6. Orang Utan

    Orang Utan Sub-Sub-Librarian

    My Job Coach had the gall to suggest I apply for job they were doing as they are nearly always recruiting (not surprised there's a high turnover).
    I am tempted to apply, saying I am ideal for the job as I have a heart of stone and I enjoy making people cry in front of me.
     
    ShiftyBagLady and RubyToogood like this.
  7. Puddy_Tat

    Puddy_Tat lumpen proletaricat

    :hmm:

    as i think i have said before, there is a line between applying for a job with minimum enthusiasm and taking the piss, which can get you sanctioned...
     
  8. Orang Utan

    Orang Utan Sub-Sub-Librarian

    At this point, I don't really care if I get sanctioned. In fact they way I feel right now, I'd prefer to get sanctioned to carry on with this charade, can't take much more of this indignity. So might as well have fun with it. If I'm being forced to make people waste their time reading my applications, I should at least try and make them laugh.
    A 'seasonal bee keeper' position has come up in my alerts. That will be fun. Gonna spend this evening coming up with awful puns and gags. The best I can do so far is to say that I'm thick skinned and that working outside would give me a buzz.
     
  9. Puddy_Tat

    Puddy_Tat lumpen proletaricat

    you would not want to end up a corporate drone...
     
    Orang Utan likes this.
  10. RubyToogood

    RubyToogood can't remember what goes here

    It is worth clinging on for the NI credits tho...
     
    Pickman's model likes this.
  11. Orang Utan

    Orang Utan Sub-Sub-Librarian

    What do you mean?
     
  12. Badgers

    Badgers Mr Big Shrimp

    Still surprised and annoyed by how lazy recruitcunts are. I am lucky not to be urgently in need of work but they contact me, take my time on the phone/email then fail to email/call or reply to my requests for updates.

    Trying to think of any industry that has ever been this lazy/inept/ignorant in my decades of business across many hated sectors :facepalm:
     
  13. friendofdorothy

    friendofdorothy it is so much worse than Thatcherism now

    Be careful that might just get you the job as you obviously fulfil the essential requirements
     
    Badgers and Puddy_Tat like this.
  14. Orang Utan

    Orang Utan Sub-Sub-Librarian

    well quite, hence my 'joke'
     
    friendofdorothy likes this.
  15. Orang Utan

    Orang Utan Sub-Sub-Librarian

    Got a start date this morning - it's not til January. I despair.
     
  16. donkyboy

    donkyboy Crazy cat man

    Aye and Yup :D
     
  17. Orang Utan

    Orang Utan Sub-Sub-Librarian

    Would it be too risky to get in touch with my future employer and ask if there's any chance of a sooner start date as the DWP are on my back and I may be forced to take another job?
     
    friendofdorothy likes this.
  18. friendofdorothy

    friendofdorothy it is so much worse than Thatcherism now

    Can't hurt.
     
  19. RubyToogood

    RubyToogood can't remember what goes here

    What the heck is this?
     
  20. Puddy_Tat

    Puddy_Tat lumpen proletaricat

    agree with FoD - can't hurt, although

    a) DWP may want you to look for at least temporary work rather than pay you another couple of months' dole

    b) there's nothing to stop you taking something else and giving notice in january - or if you're content on the dole, you could always tell potential employers (for jobs that dwp force you to apply for) that you've got another job in january - they will probably say 'no thanks'

    :hmm:

    do you have a buzzword bingo card handy?
     
    Orang Utan and RubyToogood like this.
  21. Puddy_Tat

    Puddy_Tat lumpen proletaricat

    News from here -

    think i mentioned a couple of jobs i was thinking about applying for a month or so back -

    decided against even applying for one of them (oxford is about as expensive for housing as london is) and got offered interview but withdrew from the swindon one (on reflection, i can't really move any further away from mum-tat)

    have seen something by chance this weekend that's london based and is worth a try, although have got to get the application in by tomorrow evening.

    :eek: (although to some extent, I can copypasta bits of previous applications in to the personal statement for this one)
     
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2017 at 9:57 PM
  22. Orang Utan

    Orang Utan Sub-Sub-Librarian

    Just applied for a bunch of seasonal retail roles - the ASDA one has pictures of food and you have to guess which product's going to go off first and what item you should pack last. :D
    All the supermarkets have these multiple choice questionnaires to determine whether you're a nice person who's easy to work with or if you're a psychopath with ocd - or at least that's what they seem to be trying to find out.
    I failed the Tesco one ( :oops: ) but passed the Asda and M&S ones. Go figure!
    Aldi didn't want me either but only cos I couldn't commit for 12 months
     
  23. Orang Utan

    Orang Utan Sub-Sub-Librarian

    Got a supermarket interview on Thursday for part time Xmas work.
    Got another one tomorrow for a mysterious company - the advert was for customer service, but I looked at the company website and have read their 'about us' and I am still in the dark about the hell it is they do. Lot of marketing jargon. They want a commitment of several months, despite them advertising that they were seasonal vacancies, so I'd have to lie to them in the interview. I'm toying with the idea of telling the truth, Liar Liar style, just for the lulz.
     
    friendofdorothy likes this.
  24. Jackobi

    Jackobi swallows anything

    Yeah yeah.
     
  25. Orang Utan

    Orang Utan Sub-Sub-Librarian

    it says so on the site!
     
  26. Orang Utan

    Orang Utan Sub-Sub-Librarian

    Just researched the company I had the interview with on Glassdoor, and it turns out they're a bunch of chancers - it's just door to door sales, 100% commission, pyramid sales style bullshit, no pay for the training and 4 week wait for any cash you might earn. Fuck that. Timewasters.
     

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