the Bar thread

[Shirl]

Could you put a few olives and rice crackers on the bar chuck. Maybe a few pissed-at-yours nuts as well. ta

 

[joustmaster]

some ones made a right mess in the toilets here. can you get some one in to clean it up?

 

[sojourner]

nice one..
Can we get Big Bro on the Big Screen?

that's a bit fat no

in my bar, we only play quality fucking music

 

[Callie]

fuck off and play outside now

its a drink

 

[sojourner]

Could you put a few olives and rice crackers on the bar chuck. Maybe a few pissed-at-yours nuts as well. ta

all out of olives, and can't be doing with rice crackers. we have a large selection of pickled eggs, and pork scratchings

some ones made a right mess in the toilets here. can you get some one in to clean it up?

nah, that's what we pay the cleaners for

 

[maomao]

Large vodka and tonic (not too much tonic please) with a slice of lime if it's not too much trouble.

 

[sojourner]

its a drink

and how the fuck am i meant to know that? i only opened the bar an hour ago

right

*sigh*

wtf is in it then?

 

[joustmaster]

nah, that's what we pay the cleaners for

it needs sorting out now though. it looks like the end of a bad war in there. some one has tried to shit in the urinal, but its all over the floor and wall.

i'm going to use the ladies.

 

[yardbird]

Can I have a large bourbon and ice with a Chech Budwieser chase please?
I'm gonna alternate between here and 'tother bar, 'cos then they won't know how much I'm drinkin'.
Crafty huh?

 

[AKA pseudonym]

that's a bit fat no

in my bar, we only play quality fucking music

ah well..
throw another Guiness on, since it must be running slow or owt. then please boss..
I'll lash these into me and pay me bonus ball money,and get a quick cab home then so... you got anything on tonight... Im hoping to call back after Big Bro

 

[sojourner]

Large vodka and tonic (not too much tonic please) with a slice of lime if it's not too much trouble.

which vodka would you like?

we have every kind of quality in here

 

[sojourner]

it needs sorting out now though. it looks like the end of a bad war in there. some one has tried to shit in the urinal, but its all over the floor and wall.

i'm going to use the ladies.

you're barred

*orders big dyke bouncers over*

Can I have a large bourbon and ice with a Chech Budwieser chase please?
I'm gonna alternate between here and 'tother bar, 'cos then they won't know how much I'm drinkin'.
Crafty huh?

fuckin hell

*checks stock*

no budweiser mate

 

[maomao]

which vodka would you like?

we have every kind of quality in here

Cheapest and nastiest please. I'm only here for the hangover.

 

[Callie]

orange smartie = tia maria or kahlua with orange juice


please!!

 

[sojourner]

Cheapest and nastiest please. I'm only here for the hangover.

Oo no, I pride myself on having a good range of vodka here, even though I wouldn't touch it with a bargepole myself

have a bit of expensive vodka - quadruple measure

orange smartie = tia maria or kahlua with orange juice


please!!

oh good fucking god

tia maria - and ORANGE?

 

[Callie]

yeah it looks vile but tastes like chocolate orange

am i not allowed?

 

[sojourner]

am i not allowed?

no you're fucking not

that's disgusting

 

[maomao]

no you're fucking not

that's disgusting

This is a bit of a fascist bar if you ask me. I'm going to go poo on the floor in the loo.

 

[yardbird]

you're barred

*orders big dyke bouncers over*
Don't worry mam, I'll take care of this.
Squeegie bucket , mop ?



fuckin hell

*checks stock*

no budweiser mate

Okay, a Becks or Amstel is cool - well in fact anything but Sclitz!

 

[May Kasahara]

have no idea what these are

put it in writing to the management and we'll consider it

TVR = tequila vodka Redbull

I know I don't have to explain about the other part

 

[Callie]

no you're fucking not

that's disgusting

youre very mean to me

what can i have instead then? can you recommend me something fruity?

 

[sojourner]

This is a bit of a fascist bar if you ask me. I'm going to go poo on the floor in the loo.

*sends for massive butch dykes again*

ooo

i'm being texted non stop by the temptress

 

[sojourner]

youre very mean to me

what can i have instead then? can you recommend me something fruity?

you'll be sorry you said that

 

[AKA pseudonym]

feck this... ive waited 20 mins for a feckin pint..
im away...

*headbuts bouncers on the way out*

 

[Callie]

or will i?

 

[sojourner]

feck this... ive waited 20 mins for a feckin pint..
im away...

*headbuts bouncers on the way out*

what was it you wanted?

 

[AKA pseudonym]

*in cab on the way to the gaff, giving out to the taxi driver about the service in and the state of the toilets in the bar*

 

[sojourner]

this thread is not allowed to die

because

a) it's friday night

and

b) its not often you get this pleasure

 

[marty21]

yeah it looks vile but tastes like chocolate orange

am i not allowed?

you're better off with a bailey's and contreau tbf, a lush choc/orange drink

while you're up there, a large JD, with no fucking ice


ta

 

[sojourner]

*in cab on the way to the gaff, giving out to the taxi driver about the service in and the state of the toilets in the bar*

right well you're fucking barred anyway

nah

not really

i'll tek your money