Tell me I'm brilliant and psyche me up to ask for a payrise and the return of my...

[Sadken]

You're going to leave me now, aren't you? Why do I drive away everyone I love?

 

[kabbes]

It'll have to be very large print if you want to avoid having lots of blank space.

 

[kabbes]

Why do I drive away everyone I love?

because you keep forcing them into your car at knifepoint?

 

[Sadken]

I think it might be to do with my innate cuntiness, actually, but cheers, mate.

 

[kabbes]

Mmmm innate cuntiness.

 

[Sadken]

Hey, while I've got you - did you ever see that I like turtles video on youtube? Or Pretty much everywhere, it's gonna be hot?

I know you can't see them at work, but they are well worth an evening look at about 10 seconds each.

 

[kabbes]

I did NOT see the I like turtles video. I will look it out, I promise, unless I forget, which I have every chance of doing, since once I am home, I put all thoughts of my worklife so far from my head that I can't even remember what I do for a living.

 

[Sadken]

I may text you about it later, actualy. They really fill my world with gladness.

"I like turtles" and "pretty much everywhere, it's gonna be hot"

 

[kabbes]

Texts happen about as often in my life as people giving me great globs of money, which is to say from time to time because I am an evil capitalist bloater, but not very often at all because I am just a humble salary slave.

Anyway, the point is that anybody sending me a text definitely gets my attention.

 

[strung out]

does this mean i'll be seeing you saturday?

 

[kabbes]

Only if you have super laser-powered eyes.

 

[strung out]

well done by the way. totally stoked.

 

[Sadken]

does this mean i'll be seeing you saturday?

Yeah, I was just thinking it's now a distinct possibility, actually. I then have to go and see one of my mate's bands play at the 333 in shoreditch, so you're welcome to that if you fancy?

 

[Sadken]

Texts happen about as often in my life as people giving me great globs of money, which is to say from time to time because I am an evil capitalist bloater, but not very often at all because I am just a humble salary slave.

Anyway, the point is that anybody sending me a text definitely gets my attention.

Well then it's motherfudging ON!!!! If I remember myself!!!!

 

[Sadken]

5 pages! I really am fucking amazing, aren't I? I mean....it's no longer even a matter of debate any more, is it? Where's my blue plaque?

 

[kabbes]

It's only because of me, you ungrateful toad.

 

[strung out]

Yeah, I was just thinking it's now a distinct possibility, actually. I then have to go and see one of my mate's bands play at the 333 in shoreditch, so you're welcome to that if you fancy?

will have to let you know about the gig, still not sure whether i have to return to bristol early saturday evening or whether i'm out on the piss in london. i will be in touch.

 

[Sadken]

It's only because of me, you ungrateful toad.

AND me! Crucially, I played a major role in propagating news of my own brilliance! I won't be written out of history on this one, kabbes!!

 

[Sadken]

will have to let you know about the gig, still not sure whether i have to return to bristol early saturday evening or whether i'm out on the piss in london. i will be in touch.

oh fucking WHATEVER, mate!

 

[kabbes]

History is written by the victor, sadken. And Victor is my middle name.



That would work better if Victor actually was my middle name.

 

[Sadken]

I'm gonna change my name to victor right now! Seriously, I can do that!! I've done it before! I nearly changed my mate's name to XXXXXX David Jjan Aage Fjortoft Ryan before now, but he pussied out at the last minute.

 

[kabbes]

Right, I'm in a meeting now. Yadda yadda buy buy sell sell. BORING. Anyway, better pay attention. See you later, Billandted.

 

[Sadken]

I gots to go anyway. Strung out, can you make a load of posts about how great i am all through the night, please? Kthanxbai.

 

[ViolentPanda]

Cos we're gonna celebrate the world's number one jew...

Wow, you're gonna party with the ghost of Sammy Davis Jr.?

 

[kabbes]

Turns out that zombie kid likes turtles.