Teachers! Things your learners say...

[Mation]

If you work in a pan-educational context (early years through to mature students) typing out "pupils and students" or "children, young people and adult learners" or whatever quickly becomes tedious and makes all your publications unnecessarily wordy.

Yup, that makes sense. And I also think of students as being people who are learning about a subject, rather than actively learning to do it.

 

[dessiato]

One I got written in reply to a question using continuous and simple tenses:

I was wanking in the lounge when my mother baked a cake.

 

[Gaia]

Would you call a toddler in nursery, or a 6 year old in primary a student?

'Student' to me - and likely to you - is GCSE or higher, I've always hated the term 'student' for primary or lower secondary, it's an Americanism. I'd also dispute that kids in nursery* are 'toddlers' given they are 3½, rising 4, a toddler is a child who has yet to start school of any description (i.e. 1-3).

*Or are you using 'nursery' as a euphemism for 'playgroup', rather than pre-Reception…? (I don't even like the word 'preschool' much).

 

[existentialist]

I settled on "pupils" for kids in school; and "students" for people in college as my personal preference.

The college I teach at calls them all "learners", and it really grinds my gears - they're a bit more than that. When we put them out on placement, we call them "trainees".

And when I'm doing CPD or personal development training, I call them "participants".

 

[Saffy]

At uni we were told to call FS1 and 2 - children, KS1 and 2 - pupils and secondary and older - students.

 

[skyscraper101]

I don't see the problem with the term students.

The thing with Americanisms is sometimes it's just easier to go with, and sometimes it just makes more literal sense anyway when trying to be understood internationally. 'Pupils' always to me seemed like a weird British word that needed unnecessary explaining to any non-Brits. More so because it also means something else entirely too.

School 'proms' can GTF though.

 

[JuanTwoThree]

Vermin.

 

[scifisam]

"I wouldn't like to live in a tower block because of all the semen." (Cement)

"We were just disgusting in the corridor." (Discussing)

On the interests section of a CV: "To lie on the grass." (No translation; that was what she liked to do)

On a diagram of a human body where the instruction was to name the body parts, the students wrote in Dave, John, Maria, etc. I particularly liked the head being Keith

And I really confused people in Germany when I referred to a male friend as my Freund, because that actually means boyfriend. For friend you have to say ein Freund von mir.

 

[Mation]

"I passed, Miss! First time I passed. Ever! I will study [for] 10 years. I started [the] next one. I did [this and that and the other thing that he wouldn't have had the confidence even to try a few months ago]."

I'm not his only teacher for his subject, but it made my day to see him so delighted with his progress (he started from knowing very little about it), and so keen to continue learning, and that he wanted to tell me.

 

[Mation]

Task: Change the sentences from singular to plural.

Worksheet question 1: The man likes his picture.

Learners: ???

Teacher [trying to elicit the word 'men']: One man. Yes?

Learner: yes.

Teacher: Ok, good. So, one man. Two..?

Learner: Women.

Teacher: ( )

 

[Mation]

Sub-category: things your teachers say

Learner: How do i ...
Me: Let's have a look...
Me: Hmm. May I grab the mouse? I don't do this often enough for my mouth to remember, but my hand knows what to do."
Learner: ...

 

[Mation]

In response to me trying to cheer him with a reminder that the days were soon to get longer: "But how is that possible?!"

And then, after I'd said something about the tilt of the earth's axis: "Will there still be 24 hours in a day?"

My fault, entirely. I did say 'the days' and not 'the daylight'.

 

[sptme]

"In my home town, my house, there is a mountain up my backside"

"I'm going to the bitch to go swimming."

"On my bed there is a pillow, a shit and a blanket.

 

[extra dry]

I can ride...a house, I love riding my house...

 

[extra dry]

Why is red red and blue blue?

 

[MrCurry]

I like a big breastfuck

On Sundays I streetwalk with my mother and my aunt

I don't live with my parents, I live in my own piss

Enough of your life story - we want to know if you’ve heard anything amusing from students.

While attending basic Swedish lessons another student got cock and cook mixed up. Unsurprising since cook in Swedish is “kock” (pronounced as written) and cock in Swedish is “kuk” (pronounced “cook”)

He informed the whole class he’d done nothing all weekend apart from cocking with his girlfriend.

 

[petee]

One I got written in reply to a question using continuous and simple tenses:

I was wanking in the lounge when my mother baked a cake.

i teach that distiction and for hw i have them write any three sentences they want, as long as they use different verbs in each. fortunately i have not yet received back a sentence like that one.

 

[Shippou-Sensei]

"In my home town, my house, there is a mountain up my backside"

"I'm going to the bitch to go swimming."

"On my bed there is a pillow, a shit and a blanket.

 

[weltweit]

My late dad had a pleasant Mexican woman to stay whose English was a bit limited.

One morning she complained of pain in her teets which confused him a bit.

After some exclamation it turned out she had toothache.

 

[Dandred]

Can I have a D please.

The student had full attendance and did their course work poorly, bombed both tests...... No chance.

 

[Mation]

During the music round of a quiz:

10-second excerpt plays from a tune no one can immediately identify

Young learner to older learner: "You've got this on CD "

 

[petee]

Home to Harvard University and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), this city is known for its dedication to intellectual pursuits. That dedication, however, is being tested by East Middle School’s Mrs. Clark’s 7th grade Social Studies class.

The children voted anonymously to place The Satanic Temple’s 7 Tenets up on the walls for everyone to see.

”The students ran an Oxford-style debate against the 10 Commandments and the Tenets,” explains Mrs. Clark. “Satan won.”

Nonreligious Questions

Whether you’ve been turned off by religion in the past or have a question about one of the world’s religions, check out what Patheos has to offer.

www.patheos.com

 

[Sasaferrato]

I like a big breastfuck

On Sundays I streetwalk with my mother and my aunt

I don't live with my parents, I live in my own piss

Genuine LOL! Thank you. It is needed today.

 

[Sasaferrato]

Would you call a toddler in nursery, or a 6 year old in primary a student?

Yes.

 

[Baronage-Phase]

One of the kids in my class was telling me how her labrador was having pups. She had 10 two years ago and the girl was wondering how many her dog might have this time.
"Hopefully she will have 11 ... but mum says she might have an undercarriage with one or two puppies. So we dont really know."

I didnt correct her... Just wished her labrador well and I'm hoping I'm not going to have to deal with a puppy coming to school to come live with me.