Summarise an author's work (offensively)

[jayeola]

Moses : A biography that I wrote in the third person, (even though I play a major part in it).

 

[Structaural]

Peter F. Hamilton, blah blah blah blaah.

...and then God/Aliens fixed it and everyone lived happily ever after...

 

[Structaural]

cormac mcarthy - depressing grim doesnt like punctuation

 

[stupid dogbot]

James Ellroy - Sentences. Don't. Matter.

 

[temper_tantrum]

Virginia Woolf: "Look, just leave me alone, ok?"

 

[ViolentPanda]

Paolo Coelho - "Look, I've written the same book yet again!!"

Iain Banks - "Hmm, lets see, I've done murder, emasculation and incest. What's left?"

Dick Francis - Horses and crime = boredom.

Anais Nin - Boring bourgeois bint fucks boring bourgeois bastards and then writes about it. Badly.

 

[upsidedownwalrus]

Umberto Eco - "Do you mind if I leave aside any kind of readable narrative & just intellectually masturbate over obscure literary references for the next 300 odd pages?"

I quite liked Foucault's Pendulum, although it was ultimately a bit pointless really.

 

[Silva]

Tom Clancy: furiously wanking over military equipment

 

[sojourner]

Jane Austen - "well, I think it's funny "

 

[PandaCola]

George Orwell - Posh twat pretending to be street.

Charles Dickens - Adds shit names to Eastenders scripts.

Irvine Welsh - Grow up

 

[DotCommunist]

Sven Hassel: The SS are evil, everyone is a heroic downtrodden soldier. Buckets of gore.

 

[untethered]

Agatha Christie: The butler did it. Again.

 

[Donna Ferentes]

God: here's some shit I just made up.

 

[Idris2002]

John Dolan - no one will give you a teaching job because you're an ultra-creepy misanthrope.

 

[sojourner]

God: here's some shit I just made up.

but delegated it - just can't get the staff these days

 

[DotCommunist]

Robert Jordan: BDSM subtext and overly detailed.

David Eddings: nothing I can say will be as bad as your books

Anne Mcaffrey: just fuck off.

 

[Stigmata]

Robert Jordan: BDSM subtext and overly detailed.

David Eddings: nothing I can say will be as bad as your books

Anne Mcaffrey: just fuck off.

Terry Goodkind: I know he behaves like a psychopath, but he's the hero ok? Are you some kind of socialist or what?

George RR Martin: [see family tree in appendix a]

Alastair Reynolds: In the future, everybody looks like Edward Scissorhands

 

[slaar]

Cormac Macarthy: The. Plot. Develops. Only. Very. Very Slowly.

 

[sojourner]

Cormac Macarthy: The. Plot. Develops. Only. Very. Very Slowly.

that's not offensive

 

[laptop]

Philip Roth - wanker

Nicholson Baker - second-hand wank

 

[DotCommunist]

Frank Herbert: muzzie lover

 

[laptop]

Terry Pratchett - I'm so knowing, mc.

 

[PandaCola]

Jack Kerouac - The 50s equivalent of filming yourself having a wank and posting it on youtube.

 

[upsidedownwalrus]

Jack Kerouac - The 50s equivalent of filming yourself having a wank and posting it on youtube.

 

[SpookyFrank]

Iain Banks - "Hmm, lets see, I've done murder, emasculation and incest. What's left?"

How about a bloke raping a pig while another bloke shoves a rifle barrel up his arse? Oh wait, no, been there already too...

 

[SpookyFrank]

Philip K Dick: And it was all a dream. Except it wasn't, it was the illusion of a dream in someone else's head while they were on loads of drugs in the future which is also the past and everyone's really dead already except for the people who are time travelling psychic robot ninja drug addicts because they were dead to start with and don't really exist except in the mind of the bloke who thought he was dreaming it all until he realised he was actually a figment of the imagination of a malfunctioning AI coffee pot on the table in the apartment of the bloke it thought it was dreaming about because someone put drugs in the coffee. But it turns out it was the coffee pot that actually killed all the dead robot psychic ninja drug addicts in the first place, and then it fabricated the whole thing as a coping mechanism but it didn't work and now even the coffee pot's delusional alter-ego has gone crazy. And drugs are bad m'kay.

 

[SpookyFrank]

Henry Miller: I've had loads more sex than you and to piss you off I'm going to pretend that it didn't make me happy.

 

[DotCommunist]

Philip K Dick: And it was all a dream. Except it wasn't, it was the illusion of a dream in someone else's head while they were on loads of drugs in the future which is also the past and everyone's really dead already except for the people who are time travelling psychic robot ninja drug addicts because they were dead to start with and don't really exist except in the mind of the bloke who thought he was dreaming it all until he realised he was actually a figment of the imagination of a malfunctioning AI coffee pot on the table in the apartment of the bloke it thought it was dreaming about because someone put drugs in the coffee. But it turns out it was the coffee pot that actually killed all the dead robot psychic ninja drug addicts in the first place, and then it fabricated the whole thing as a coping mechanism but it didn't work and now even the coffee pot's delusional alter-ego has gone crazy. And drugs are bad m'kay.

offensively dude. Not 'make it sound awesome'

 

[littlebabyjesus]

Kurt Vonnegut: Yes, I know it's a cool idea for a book, but Kilgore Trout didn't write shit.

 

[SpookyFrank]

offensively dude. Not 'make it sound awesome'

I can't help it, I love Philip K Dick