Summarise an author's work (offensively)

[Jon-of-arc]

Andy McNab - Chris Ryan for imbeciles

 

[Santino]

Kafka - cockroach lol

 

[ricbake]

Chaucer - Loade of olde cynte

Iain McEwan - such hard work and so depressing

 

[Clint Iguana]

Mark Radcliffe: even better at writing than talking between records

edit... erm... only just realised i was supposed to be offensive

 

[Clint Iguana]

From the moment I picked your book up until the moment I put it down I could not stop laughing. Someday I hope to read it.

~ Groucho Marx (to Leo Rosten)

not mine, but my favourite book quote

 

[llion]

Haruki Murakami - not another fucking well/talking cat

 

[Maurice Picarda]

Andy McNab - Chris Ryan for imbeciles

So is Chris Ryan, though.

 

[camouflage]

Peter F. Hamilton, blah blah blah blaah.

 

[jayeola]

Chaucer - Loade of olde cynte

Bollocks! the tales are really funny and i enjoyed reading them at school

 

[AnnO'Neemus]

Dan Brown - Dear Mr Tax Inspector, please write off my expenses against my tax bill for my holidays in France, because they were *essential* research, as you can see from the tedious details I went into describing those tiny towns and old buildings that were just a distraction that served no useful purpose in terms of plot device.

 

[AnnO'Neemus]

Martin Amis - I'm dead clever me.

 

[AnnO'Neemus]

Salman Rushdie - pretentious? moi? why use a perfectly adequate word of one syllable when you can use one that has five and make sentences really long and impenetrable?

 

[Pingu]

L Ron Hubbard - just how much acid did i really take?


matthew, mark, luke, john - no seriously do you reckon we can get this published or what?

 

[ericjarvis]

Dorothy L Sayers - the butler definitely didn't do it.

 

[DaveCinzano]

James Herbert:

The sexy handsome but underappreciated teacher heroically saves the day from implausible menace and simultaneously crushes the resistance of the sexy gorgeous but underdomesticated woman to his sexy handsome charms, whilst an ugly queer who lives with his mother and/or a slutty housewife suffer horrendous gory bloody genital mutilation with multiple drafted-in-hurry errors of both a grammaticle, typ0graphical and speling nature.

 

[Jeff Robinson]

Slavoj Žižek - Liberals: suck my big fat communist cock.

 

[rich!]

Fritz Leiber - drunk thugs murder, loot and pillage before homo-erotic double-dating.

 

[rich!]

Douglas Adams - ha ha, I'm from Islington! Islington!!! ha ha!

 

[rich!]

late period Michael Moorcock - Of course, we had more fun in the sixties and seventies than anyone else could ever have, because we were just such better people. Except that guy who employed people - he was a fat cunt.

 

[rich!]

Robert Anton Wilson - sex and drugs are so much better when the Freemasons are doing it with TImothy Leary.

 

[revol68]

Slavoj Žižek - Liberals: suck my big fat communist cock.

 

[cliche guevara]

Haruki Murakami - not another fucking well/talking cat

I was gonna do:

Haruki Murakami - Nothing much happens.

 

[upsidedownwalrus]

Douglas Adams - ha ha, I'm from Islington! Islington!!! ha ha!

 

[dodgepot]

James Herbert:

The sexy handsome but underappreciated teacher heroically saves the day from implausible menace and simultaneously crushes the resistance of the sexy gorgeous but underdomesticated woman to his sexy handsome charms, whilst an ugly queer who lives with his mother and/or a slutty housewife suffer horrendous gory bloody genital mutilation with multiple drafted-in-hurry errors of both a grammaticle, typ0graphical and speling nature.

heh. spot on every single gay character in every one of his novels that i've read lives a sad life and meets a nasty end.

 

[breasticles]

charles bukowski: drank some booze. fucked a whore. did a shit. you're all cunts. rinse, repeat.


(i actually quite like bukowski.)

 

[gsv]

Douglas Adams - ha ha, I'm from Islington! Islington!!! ha ha!

Stephen King - maybe I can make Maine scary this time

GS(v)

 

[temper_tantrum]

Trollope (Anthony): After the Government Of India Act survived its third reading in the Upper House, the Duke met his erstwhile opponent at Lady Glencora's tea party ...

 

[temper_tantrum]

Trollope (Joanna): After a delightful and illicit afternoon between the sheets with Chloe, James bumped into his former rival Jonathan at Lucinda's cocktail party ...

 

[DotCommunist]

Stephen King - maybe I can make Maine scary this time

GS(v)

Similarly


Dean Koontz: I am so totally Stephen Kings poor relation

 

[Pie 1]

Umberto Eco - "Do you mind if I leave aside any kind of readable narrative & just intellectually masturbate over obscure literary references for the next 300 odd pages?"