sub this...

[laptop]

OK, Leon works (or should be snapped up) by a local weekly; AnnO'Neemus ditto the council's "information" (read PR) sheet and gets three times as much.

I just binned it

As for whether press release writers pay any attention to the lessons of what appears in print... nope. The art of good subbing is to do a total rewrite in such a way that the writer congratulates you for not changing a thing.

But if anyone's writing a press release for a local paper about a campaign or something, note: write it in the style of the paper (like Leon's), with one sacrificial paragraph (often placed next-to-last) and they'll probably paste it into Quark.

 

[Guineveretoo]

OK, Leon works (or should be snapped up) by a local weekly; AnnO'Neemus ditto the council's "information" (read PR) sheet and gets three times as much.

I just binned it

As for whether press release writers pay any attention to the lessons of what appears in print... nope. The art of good subbing is to do a total rewrite in such a way that the writer congratulates you for not changing a thing.

But if anyone's writing a press release for a local paper about a campaign or something, note: write it in the style of the paper (like Leon's), with one sacrificial paragraph (often placed next-to-last) and they'll probably paste it into Quark.

This is good advice. I used to do a lot of press releases for the local rags, and I usually found that, so long as I wrote in their style, they would literally cut and paste it. I had, of course, been on lots of training courses by then, run by my union, on how to deal with the media, which helped. I also have a degree in English, which is probably a hindrance when trying to write for the crappy local newsrags!

 

[DaveCinzano]

write it in the style of the paper (like Leon's), with one sacrificial paragraph (often placed next-to-last) and they'll probably paste it into Quark

ain't that the truth

 

[belboid]

OK, Leon works (or should be snapped up) by a local weekly;

would a local really cut out (almost) all the peoples' names in that way? ime, unless it's a pretty big locality they like to throw as many names in as possible if they are of local people - proving their localness and all that.

 

[Leon]

Yes we would - too many names make a story read badly.

 

[belboid]

agreed, but there are none in there, other than the contacts at the end. A name for the quoted person would be best of course, but that isn't given anywhere. I'd deffo name the 'organisers'.

 

[Leon]

Nah, fuck 'em - they can't write, they probably can't read. What's the point?


Although I would be tempted to put in the name Max Power - just for the sake of it.

 

[belboid]

its actually Max who wrote it, I'd feel a little bad about making everyone else suffer for his...deficiencies.

Also, the mag is very local - one council ward, so it seemes good to include the names of 'Leo' and 'Sadhya' as they would be more recognised by people than Max or Shanaz - tho that's obviously something that you wouldn't be able to tell without knowing already, iyswim.

 

[Random]

I'm not sub-editing any story about blood sports

(OK, maybe later. I promise I've not read anyone else's version).

 

[foggypane]

Derbyfield Industrial Hamlet on 21st August at 10am was the site for a joint venture between the Environment Agency and SHEBEEN.

It was part of National Fishing Week- but what was different about this event is that it was the first time a water-based blood sport has been actively sold to Black and Ethnic Minorities. The group - 'Young Adults Action Forum (YAAF)' was from the Lord Marshal Youth Centre co-ordinated by Leo Laine and Sadhya Hussain. It had five girls and three boys,and eight coaches from the Environment Agency.
Interviewed after the event this was what they said: “We obviously found this a new and exciting experience, the only disappointment is that we cannot take the fish home to eat”. The group enjoyed it, and are looking forward to a follow-up. EA official Phil Taylor promised a fly fishing event next time at the Thrybergh [?] reservior, Rotherham. On the day, any fish lucky enough to be caught can be barbequed.
Any BME youth group interested in a fishing expedition should contact Max Power and Shanaz Hussain at SHEBEEN on 555 2345 or email squiggle_AThotmail.com.

Don't forget, you may be an Ethnic, but the EA can help you join in! Come and be Cruel in the countryside!

 

[belboid]

- I'd be very tempted to submit that one as well!

 

[Guineveretoo]

- I'd be very tempted to submit that one as well!

Hey! I thought you said you were going to submit your own! Just because some of us (okay, not me, but it is fishing we are talking about here) have managed to make the article sound vaguely interesting!

 

[belboid]

mmm - fair play...but its at work now! mine was very similar to yours - and probably for similar reasons!

 

[Guineveretoo]

mmm - fair play...but its at work now! mine was very similar to yours - and probably for similar reasons!

Great minds think alike, perhaps?

 

[Jazzz]

Right - I did this without looking at anyone else's. I thought I had mauled it!

edited to add - not nearly as good as other ones already posted, I fear... interesting exercise!

Fishing with SHEBEEN

Out of the activities to mark National Fishing Week, what was particularly of note about the event taking place at Derbyfield Industrial Hamlet on the morning of 21st August was that it was the first to be aimed at creating awareness of the sport for Black and Ethnic Minorities. Casting the lines were five girls and three boys from the Lord Marshal Youth Centre, co-ordinated by Leo Laine and Sadya Hussain, and assisted by eight coaches organised by the Environment agency.

"The only disappointment is that we cannot take the fish home to eat," the group remarked. Having found it a new and exciting experience, they are looking forward to the next one. Good news is that a fly fishing event at Thrybergh Reservoir, Rotherham, is assurred by Phil Taylor of the Environment Agency. There, fish caught may be barbecued.

Any BME youth group interested in fishing should contact Max Power or Shanaz Hussain at SHEBEEN on 555 2345 or email squiggle_AThotmail.com

 

[foggypane]

Last Thursday the green fields of the Midlands saw something new and special - seal culling for Blacks!

The League for Rural Callousness gathered a dozen or so inner-city types with turbans, and put them in a field. Also there, to make an extra exciting event, was a container load of rare pup seals flown in from Greenland.

Organizer Peter Fforbes-Hyphen told the Rutland Times:

'Now that fox hunting is gone, we rich people here in the countryside get very little entertainment besides incest and bestiality. To fill the empty hours as our largely irrelevent way of life slowly decays around us we thought of this. All the people from the village came to watch as a bus load of coloured chaps beat the pup seals to death with axes and spades. We took bets on who could kill the most, and had a seal barbecue afterwards. It was such a success we are hoping to get twenty-odd Chinese in with flame throwers, and a herd of marmosets for next year.'

For the Times, ace reporter Harold Spasm asked if the Ethnic chappies had enjoyed themselves. Fforbes - Hyphen replied that they put on a good show of enthusiasm when instructed to do so and threatened with the hounds, and had very decently made themselves scarce before the barbecue so as not to lower the property values.

'Perhaps one year we could even cull the redundant working class coves from the Hunt - unless the Government bans that too!' Quipped Fforbes-Hyphen.

 

[belboid]

Hey! I thought you said you were going to submit your own! Just because some of us (okay, not me, but it is fishing we are talking about here) have managed to make the article sound vaguely interesting!

ok - here was my version.

On 21st August, as part of National Fishing Week, SHEBEEN (Sheffield Black & Ethnic Minority Environmental Network) and Leeds Environment Agency held a joint initiative at the Derbyyfield Industrial Hamlet – the first water-based sport activity aimed at Black and Ethnic Minorities in Sheffield!

Five girls and three boys from the Young Adults Action Forum, based at Lord Marshall Youth Centre, attended, thanks to help from Leo Laine and Sadya Hussain, assisted by eight coaches organised by the Environment Agency.
The event was a great success, one participant saying:
“This was a new and exciting experience; the only disappointment is that we cannot take the fish home to eat”.
The group are looking forward to a follow-up event, which has been promised by Phil taylor, of the Environment Agency - a fly fishing event at Thrybergh reservoir in Rotherham. Fish caught at Thrybergh can be barbequed on site!
Any BME youth group interested in fishing should contact Max Power or Shanaz Hussain at SHEBEEN on 555 2345 or email squiggle_AThotmail.com
171 words


After due consultation Ann O'Neemus' was consided the most entertaining version, and has been included. Ann gets free online subscription to the magazine as a result!*

*well, gets a link to where the pdf of the mag is up online anyway)

 

[Leon]

Dude,

You've made spelling errors, punctuation errors, your quote style is wrong and you failed to cap up a bloke's name.

I'd correct them before it goes in the mag.

 

[belboid]

the errors are only in their cos of changing the 'correct' names etc to the fake ones I;'ve used to stick it up here. Quote style is as used in the mag (so blame them!) - tho the punctuation (the semi-colon in the quote?), you are entirely right about! I do rather overlike my exclamation marks as well tho.....