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Stoke-on-Trent is shit

chio

New Member
Now, I don't usually slag off places - everywhere has its redeeming features. Brixton, for example, for all its faults it's an exciting multicultural place to be. My small town is full of local yokels, but it's close to the centre of Manchester and a relatively quiet, crime-free place to live.

But I'm really, really struggling to find anything, anything nice to say about Stoke-on-Trent. This half-arsed excuse for a "city" lies half-way between Manchester and Birmingham and enjoys none of the prosperity those two places have earned in recent years. It's been swallowing up ever-increasing chunks of my time, what with me being at its equally half-baked university for much of the year.

A typical morning in Stoke goes like this. You get in your car and cruise along swimmingly until you reach the sign reading "Staffordshire: A creative county". Then you stop. You'll sit, crawling up t'hill and down t'dale in first gear for hour after hour while lazy clayhead workmen smoke fags by the side of the road they've had coned off for well over four years. So you turn on the radio to relieve the mind-numbing, catatonic boredom - none of your fancy pants metropolitan stuff here, no sir - just two equally parochial stations, one of which plays Bon Jovi eighteen times a day while the other features hours of low-rent phone ins, used by no-one apart from Doris from Burslem with her regular Tuesday call moaning about the bins not being emptied properly.

So, eventually, after throwing the head-end of your car radio in the canal out of sheer screeching frustration at hearing "It's My Life" six times in a row, you reach the university car park. It's far too small and is full, with several cars parked on top of other cars. You drive to Kingsway, next to the Civic Centre and pay £3.50 to park. (It's actually £5.50 if you factor in the £2 swallowed by the first machine.) So far, so good.

But everywhere has bad parking, crap radio, the odd traffic jam and stuff that doesn't work properly. So what's so bad about Stoke? Well, it's something I can't quite put my finger on. It could be the buildings - if you're someone who enjoys photographing derelict old industrial estates, the place is your wet dream. There are vast swathes of grey, unused, derelict land where potteries, steelworks and offices once stood and where you can buy an end terrace for about £20. It could be the people - grey, featureless figures wandering aimlessly around stopping only to whimper "ay up duck" at one another as they shuffle past. It could be the roads - it's relentlessly noisy, there've been roadworks on the same stretch of dual carriageway for four years now and it makes for a tiring, depressing experience travelling round.

But I think the main problem is lack of hope. I'm an optimist when it comes to these things - Stoke should be booming, it's close to the M6 and M1, it's on a main railway line, it's mid-way between prosperous Manchester and Birmingham, property is cheap. But no - while the local paper uses its front page to boast of "employment booms" and "master plans to save our city" on an almost daily basis, the only employment making an entry is big companies building vast, grey, minimum-wage-slave warehouses, distribution depots and call centres. The people seem resigned to it and do sod-all about the situation, preferring to phone up radio stations and whinge about Poles and other immigrant groups I won't use the colloquialisms for here. They'll blame anyone but themselves - the lazy clayheads who sit on the dole doing nothing for years on end, wandering the streets of Fenton and Tunstall drinking in Wetherspoons. The only people making any serious cash here are the corrupt council big-wigs, driving Jags and Bentleys paid for by spurious PFI projects.

Anyway, that's my rant for the day. I don't usually say this, but I'd rather jump in front of a bus (driven by a Pole for £2.50 an hour) than have anything more to do with this place. The people here are dragging me down to their level - I quit.

:)
 

Nine Bob Note

The Brexit King You Deserve
Stoke-on-Trent: The only place in Britain where trains are regularly attacked by highway men*












*May not be true :p
 

Belushi

01 811 8055
R.I.P.
Went there once, didnt think much of it.

It's actually more a conglomeration of pottery towns more than a city isnt it?
 

Idris2002

MENSA REJECT
I'll have been in Birmingham two weeks on friday.

Put it this way, I already miss St. Petersburg. In fact, I already miss Co. Mayo.
 

poster342002

PROPER leftwing socialist
chio said:
the lazy clayheads who sit on the dole doing nothing for years on end
Errr - perhaps getting alternative work is difficult? In case you hadn't noticed, the UK establishment is trying to divest itself of it's working classes by making it all redundant with no new work as a replacement. :rolleyes:
 

GarfieldLeChat

fucking awesome but wrong
chio makes bland genraliseations about the world from his closeted viewpoint of general hatred shocker...

you bored love??:confused:
 

astral

author unknown
I lived in Stoke for five years.

I can not think of a single redeeming thing about the place. :(
 

ViolentPanda

Hardly getting over it.
GarfieldLeChat said:
chio makes bland genraliseations about the world from his closeted viewpoint of general hatred shocker...

you bored love??:confused:
He probably did it just to annoy you, garf.

Or not.
 

Andy the Don

Wise men say only fools..
Stoke-on-Trent was featured in Saturday's Guardian Colour supp "Let's all move to.." so must be going up in the world. Apparently there is now a "cultural quarter" in Stoke. Although that could be like the "Streatham Village" all the estate agents go on about.. ie does not exist apart from on an estate agents particulars..
 

chio

New Member
I only posted this cause I got up this morning and thought "Hmm, I've not wound up Garf in a while. I'll post something about, erm, Stoke."

You're in my thoughts every day, Mr LeChat.
 

astral

author unknown
Andy the Don said:
Apparently there is now a "cultural quarter" in Stoke. ..
The cultural quarter is two cobbled streets with a couple of coffee shops next to the Old Vic.
 

H.Dot

Banned
Banned
<devil's advocate>

if towns outside London are all so crap, how come most people don't seem to want to leave? :)
 

zoltan

Transnistria festishist
I did Uni in the area a long long time ago.

Stoke is a glittering metropolis compared to Burslem, Burstall & the horror that is Blurton.

"Blurton" ?:(
 

chio

New Member
H.Dot said:
<devil's advocate>

if towns outside London are all so crap, how come most people don't seem to want to leave? :)
I didn't say towns outside London were crap, I can generally find something good about most places - I said Stoke was crap :D
 

Andy the Don

Wise men say only fools..
Belushi said:
I used to live in Streatham, where the hell is 'Streatham Village'?
As did I, apparently on the borders of Streatham Village & I still do not know where it is or if it even exists (outside estate agents fevered immagination)..?? :confused:
 

nino_savatte

No pasaran!
I've only ever seen it from the train window and I wasn't impressed. I've also heard that the fash is considerably active there.
 

tommers

Not just a little bit of a slag, but a total slag.
I went to Keele university for four years in the early nineties. still, that was in newcastle, which was relatively up market.

stoke is a shit hole. I lived in silverdale for a year. Once, our landlord came back from the football at about midnight, covered in blood. Apparently he'd met a baggies fan in a pub. His parting words were "so I told him, guns, knives, whatever, come back next week and I'll fucking kill yer" as he staggered up to his room. happy days. :D
 

ViolentPanda

Hardly getting over it.
chio said:
I only posted this cause I got up this morning and thought "Hmm, I've not wound up Garf in a while. I'll post something about, erm, Stoke."

You're in my thoughts every day, Mr LeChat.
Hmmmm, just as I suspected! :)
 

zoltan

Transnistria festishist
tommers said:
I went to Keele university for four years in the early nineties. still, that was in newcastle, which was relatively up market.

stoke is a shit hole. I lived in silverdale for a year. Once, our landlord came back from the football at about midnight, covered in blood. Apparently he'd met a baggies fan in a pub. His parting words were "so I told him, guns, knives, whatever, come back next week and I'll fucking kill yer" as he staggered up to his room. happy days. :D
pah I was in Silverdale during the miners strike - now that was grim
 

tommers

Not just a little bit of a slag, but a total slag.
nino_savatte said:
So does Stoke qualify for the title of "Worst Town/City in Britain"?

Fuck me, even Thurso pisses all over Stoke. :D
I think it did win that competition a couple of years ago. :)
 
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