Shittest Holiday you have been on

[Mattym]

Glad to see someone else mention Malta.

Humidity so bad that rain would have felt dryer.

Rubbish thrown out of windows onto the streets like in medieval times.

Maltese barmen with cockney accents because they hear the London accent more than their own. There was probably only three people in the hotel who weren't from London.

Blue Lagoon beauty spot full of floating rubbish and human waste.

The smell from the sewage works that's quite close to town. Well everything is close to town. The whole island is the size of Cardiff.

Tiny over crowded beaches.

Cockroaches scurrying around the room. That only paused slightly when you stamped on them then kept going.

A room overlooking a roof with an aircon unit on it that sounded like a Boeing 747. Not that we had any aircon.

We had to argue like hell to switch rooms.

Malta wasn't the worst holiday I've been on because I was young and made the best of it. But it's probably the worst location I've been to.

I'm glad you've said that, because we once went for 2 weeks to mainland & Gozo & it was just a massive dustbowl, but everybody else I know who's been goes on about how great it is. Some people just have no standards.

 

[DaveCinzano]

My worst holiday was when I was fourteen, on a flotilla sailing holiday in Greece with my dad and my step-mum. I'd not long got out of hospital after number of suicide attempts and in retrospect I'm not sure why they even took me. But I wasn't very cheery, what with being suicidally depressed, and my step-mum took exception to that. She used to wait until my dad was at the other end of the boat, and then sidle up and criticize me and tell me to stop ruining her holiday. To be fair, I only wanted to sit in the shade and read, and listen to my discman. I'm sure I was playing something morbid like Silverchair on repeat, and being a real downer, so I do see that I probably wasn't a pleasant holiday companion. Anyway, one day we were moored in a harbour with the rest of the flotilla, when she sidled up and started dripping poison in my ear. One thing she suggested was that I should cut myself, as it might make me better company if I gave into my self destructive urges. I snapped at this point, and stood up and called loudly across the boat to my dad, "If you don't shut this bitch up, she's going overboard!". My step-mum was yelling "Oh god! She's threatening me! She's mental!"

So my step-mum packed up all her stuff and left the flotilla, leaving me and my dad to sail the boat on our own for the rest of the week. So bad.

TBF whatever the faults of the teen Yu_Gi_Oh, she (step mum) sounds a right dick

 

[Gromit]

I'm glad you've said that, because we once went for 2 weeks to mainland & Gozo & it was just a massive dustbowl, but everybody else I know who's been goes on about how great it is. Some people just have no standards.

I forgot to mention no prices on anything so that the merchants can quiz you on where you are from before setting a price.

Locals lowest price
British are pretty well liked because of the war n stuff so next low price (or so we were led to believe)
Americans high price (at least double tourist price, they can afford it)
Germans highest price (at least triple tourist price, cause of the war)

People may not have realised this was going on but I chat to people and get let into confidences.

You think I shouldn't complain about this because as British we were doing ok out of the pricing but I still felt abitary pricing based on prejudice very exposed something unflattering about a people and economy that depends heavily on tourism.

 

[chilango]

Yeah, Malta.

Fortunately it wasn't a holiday. It was a conference, got put up in a swanky hotel with all expenses paid. So I can't complain. Wouldn't holiday there though.

 

[Gromit]

Yeah, Malta.

Fortunately it wasn't a holiday. It was a conference, got put up in a swanky hotel with all expenses paid. So I can't complain. Wouldn't holiday there though.

What was really crazy was I met two couples who went there every year.
Had never been anywhere else.
Loved it.

I tried my best to explain that in the whole wide world there were places they'd like even more... but they weren't hearing it. They knew what they liked and despite having never been anywhere else Malta was it.

Crazy.

 

[chilango]

The highlight of my trip (aside from free hotel and food etc.) was that was an M&S food hall in town. I was living in Italy at the time. It was an unexpected bonus to be able to pick up jars of mincemeat in time for Christmas.

Yep. Malta was that exciting.

 

[DotCommunist]

Maltas not that bad, I found a porno mag there once and explored a castle. These things were great to a young lad. Admittedly a wankmag and a dusty old castle might be a harder sell these days but theres still beaches

 

[Voley]

Going on holiday during the death throes of a relationship is always a winner. Is it possible to turn an idyllic week of blazing sunshine in The Isles Of Scilly into an ordeal of utter fucking torture? Oh God yes, it most definitely is. We did have the good sense to jack it in after three days, thankfully. And never see each other ever again.

 

[SpookyFrank]

Going on holiday during the death throes of a relationship is always a winner. Is it possible to turn an idyllic week of blazing sunshine in The Isles Of Scilly into an ordeal of utter fucking torture? Oh God yes, it most definitely is. We did have the good sense to jack it in after three days, thankfully. And never see each other ever again.

Went on a week's holiday once with someone I'd broken up acrimoniously with about a fortnight earlier. I'd paid for the fucking tickets already and I was determined to go, even if only to ruin her holiday. Had a pretty nice time in the end. Only one blazing row.

 

[krtek a houby]

Probably a trip with the family to Menorca in '82 & '84. Nothing wrong with the island (and have been back since with the better half) but the first time I was miserable because we were dragged to some entertainment evening where us kids were encouraged to dance at the kids disco. I was a painfully shy kid with big spectacles being forced to "dance" to The Birdy Song. Which was followed by a bunch of English kids taunting me and bullying. Happily, they were told to do one by an elder who said he used to be like me (glasses, shy etc).

The second time we went to the island, we were not forced to dance to any pop ditties. This is because my parents were too busy arguing to enjoy themselves or explore other avenues of entertainment. There's a moment (captured forever on photograph) where my sister and I are standing with my Mom in the Cova D'en Xoiroi. The smiles on our faces aren't convincing, as the parents had just been arguing and we were upset. "Smile, you bastards" was my Mom's winning advice to us as Dad duly took the pic.

 

[chemn]

Caribbean holiday with (now ex) gf over xmas with family she rarely sees. She was a fucking bitch. Still enjoyed a sunny xmas and warm sea water but the whole experience was thoroughly tainted in a variety of ways.

 

[coley]

Of course I am forgetting when I was 17. My mate's family invited me to go to Pontins in Prestatyn. Me and my mate had our own Chalet and were able to procure large amounts of booze, enough to keep two 17 year olds wasted for a week or so.

Large parties happened at our place most nights and on one particular night security rocked up and threatened to kick us out becasue the music was that loud.

Wind on three weeks I got a visit from Ormskirk CID. Apparently the bloke in the next door chalet had taken our loud party as a cover to allegedly murder his wife and dump her in a cesspit. He got off on a technicality by all accounts and it made a full page in the Sun.

I was trying to find it recently but it seems to be a fairly regular occurrence there as demonstrated by:

"A holidaymaker who killed a mother-of-12 at a popular North Wales camp site has been jailed for life after being found guilty of murder.

Kathleen McDonald was found by police in bed alongside her attacker Howard Jenkinson, who had gone back to sleep, Chester Crown Court was told."​

BBC News | WALES | Chalet killer jailed for life

It was not the shittiest holiday I have had but....

Passed by thon holiday camp many years as ago and thought it was a prison, the first Mrs C assured me the watchtower and Barbed wire were there as a precaution against the scooter and bike gangs who has previously used the site as a battlefield

 

[coley]

The highlight of my trip (aside from free hotel and food etc.) was that was an M&S food hall in town. I was living in Italy at the time. It was an unexpected bonus to be able to pick up jars of mincemeat in time for Christmas.

Yep. Malta was that exciting.

Didn't want to go, but Swimming in the main resort beach and finding I am swimming with fresh turds was a tad offsetting.
The final decision never to go there again was the ((openly hostile) gangs of early morning shotgunners avidly waiting to shoot anything flying,mainly migrating birds from Europe.
Gozo was lovely, but those sinister gangs of early morning shotgunners was just too much, it's weird visiting an island with no Seagulls.

 

[lizzieloo]

Folk weekend at Butlins

 

[salem]

Bollocks I'm off to Malta next week. Not my usual sort of place but tickets were super cheap.

 

[Celyn]

Folk weekend at Butlins

That sounds intriguing. I can't associate Butlins with folk music, somehow, although I've only ever been to Butlins for a day and it was ages ago. Surely it would be unwise for anyone to start the "good morning, happy campers"* stuff at a crowd of folkies still full of the beer and whisky and smokes of the night before?

Not sure if I've ever had a really shit holiday, really. Obviously there have been occasions of bad tents and even badder weather, but nothing compared to the horrible stuff in this thread. I'm surprised to learn all the bad things about Malta, really. I would have imagined it to be a lovely place to go. Now I know better.

*OK, I don't know if they really do that - stole it from that old telly comedy series about a holiday camp.

 

[hash tag]

Bollocks I'm off to Malta next week. Not my usual sort of place but tickets were super cheap.

No real problems with Malta, I went there last autumn. Weather hot, people friendly, crime free, little graffiti even, food good.

When I was a kid on about my third or fourth skiing holiday with the school to Northern Italy, I broke both bones in my leg clean through, just above my ankle, on the first day of a forthnights holiday. I had plaster from toe to groin for the two or three months. I spent the two weeks of the holiday listening to music and reading.

 

[Virtual Blue]

Shit holidays?
Probably Tunisia (2004) and Egypt (last year).
I hate those places with a passion...

 

[DotCommunist]

Bollocks I'm off to Malta next week. Not my usual sort of place but tickets were super cheap.

wankmag and castle and beaches m8. Better than nothing

 

[hash tag]

I really liked Valetta. Not the greatest City I have visited, none the less, it was certainly a great place.

 

[Gromit]

Bollocks I'm off to Malta next week. Not my usual sort of place but tickets were super cheap.

Don't take any of these with you...

They find the cultural appropriation so insulting that it's a criminal offense to be caught carrying them let alone eating them.

Something this size is worse:

You're talking 20 years for intent to supply.

 

[chilango]

Don't take any of these with you...

They find the cultural appropriation so insulting that it's a criminal offense to be caught carrying them let alone eating them.

Something this size is worse:

You're talking 20 years for intent to supply.

So that's how you make a Maltese cross...

 

[Idris2002]

Oh I remember another shit one when we were 18. Me and my mate (who had just passed his driving test) and two ladies we fancied took off to Hunstanton in Norfolk. We got there about 4pm and decided to hit the campsite bar and got absolutely shredded and tried to put the tent up in the dark. It took ages before we realised we had forgotten one of the poles so it ended up at sort of pyramid thing.

Later in the evening we made a fire too close to the tent and the whole thing went ablaze and burned/melted. The girls were unimpressed with our outdoor survival skills and fucked us off and got a hotel in town and a train home the next morning. We went on the piss again and slept in the car for three days.

That sounds great - how is that a shit holiday?

 

[dessiato]

The worst holiday I remember was when I was very young. We were camping in Norfolk. While there our family was on TV due to the police looking for us. I remember being in the car and my father being taken away by a police officer. My grandmother had been killed.

Eta: in a car crash.

 

[dessiato]

When I went on one of my first holidays as a student I got drunk for about a week. The tent got damaged, and it rained every night. I had to sleep in my mates car, the only clothes I had that were dry were the ones I was wearing. It was a white suit. It was the holiday immediately before my RAF officer selection, I arrived at it very hungover and 24 hours late. I failed.

 

[Lazy Llama]

1997 - first time snowboarding* - went to Whistler in Canada for two weeks with a mate from work (BT).
Fucked up my knee on the second day. Spent the rest of the time going to physio sessions.
Wasn't awful, just a long way to go to drink expensive hot chocolate and be tortured by a PE teacher.

* - and last as my knee is still iffy.

 

[Saul Goodman]

28 days in Risley in 1992 for refusing to pay the poll tax.

 

[ringo]

1997 - first time snowboarding* - went to Whistler in Canada for two weeks with a mate from work (BT).
Fucked up my knee on the second day. Spent the rest of the time going to physio sessions.
Wasn't awful, just a long way to go to drink expensive hot chocolate and be tortured by a PE teacher.

* - and last as my knee is still iffy.

Oh that just reminded me of one. I had a great time but I'd convinced a few old skater mates to join me in my annual trip to Chamonix to try snowboarding. Four of them had a room together and two of them had kept it quiet that they had newly debilitating addictions, one smack, the other speed. They managed one day on the mountain each, then collapsed into pools of sweating, shaking horror. After two days I couldn't even go into the death room, it was like a lower level of hell.

Definitely their worst holiday. Fortunately both got cleaned up but they've never been on a mountain since.

 

[Mia]

Magaluf on a hen long weekend, all that stands out is lots of tears, sick and pain, a huge drunken man fell on me outside a bar on our last night and broke my arm

 

[discokermit]

Reading these has reminded me of two other shit holidays. In my youth I fancied myself as some kind of revolutionary in training so went with a mate to an SWP summer weekend at the Miners holiday camp in Skegness. I did actually enjoy the lectures and so on but the baths had a layer of grey scum on them which nothing would shift. Now I would critique the accommodation but in comparison to my own living quarters at the time it was ok. The worst thing was the fact that we were asked to put money into a collection for the students in the group because they were considered to be poorer than the rest. I chipped in like a good comrade only to realise that, in fact, the students were more affluent than I was as a single parent. They went to the off licence and bought tons of booze whilst we had to settle for tap water. Come the bloody revolution you bastards I thought. We got given a can of larger at some point which my mate used as an improvised ash tray and then I drank out of it. Most of the meals consisted of watery canned tomatoes, egg and spam. If you were a vegetarian they would remove the spam by hand and offer it to someone else.

i loved skegness! vegetarian meals were available but you were better off doing what you did as the veggie option was revolting. i learned this lesson in blackpool guesthouses of the seventies.
anyway, you moaner, there was a chip shop. what more do you want?