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Newcastle United 2017-18 : Power drinkers and league winners

Discussion in 'football' started by not-bono-ever, Jul 6, 2017.

  1. Badgers likes this.
  2. Limejuice

    Limejuice Well-Known Member

    Or not.

    Badgers likes this.
  3. Rafa OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!eleven!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111
    Limejuice and Badgers like this.
  4. we are fucking shit and masters of our own downfall I have concluded. I am hearing Rafa to West fucking Ham. FFS
  5. freddy shepherd is brown dead.

  6. Limejuice

    Limejuice Well-Known Member

    He probably heard how much Ashley was currently asking for the club and his envy gland exploded.


    Sorry, respect for the deceased, RIP, etc.

  7. Its difficult to post up much positive atm - we didn't get beat by a shit Pool- so that's half decent.

    Oh and Amanda Staveley was in the crowd at fortress Sid James, Big changes ahead I think. for the better
    Limejuice likes this.
  8. Limejuice

    Limejuice Well-Known Member

    Voley likes this.
  9. and we are off- club up for sale...lolz
  10. krink

    krink I'll do it this afternoon

    Is the club sale related to the financial investigation in some way? I'm just trying to figure why he's selling up all of a sudden
  11. LiamO

    LiamO Share the love

    For the same reason he bought it in the first place. Cos he's a money-grabbing cunt. HTH.
    krink likes this.
  12. Limejuice

    Limejuice Well-Known Member

    Mr Ashley bought the club sight-unseen, and without doing due diligence. It cost him much more than he expected. Primarily it was a platform for promoting his cheap sportswear empire.

    The club has been tacitly on the market ever since Mr Ashley realised his compound errors: the purchase price came with debts; that fans are not 'mere customers' like a mailing list; that changing the sacred name of St James' Park to Cheap Tat Direct Stadium was a non-starter; that players cost money - even the rubbish ones; than Dennis Fucking Wise wasn't the Director of Football Messiah; that a former casino manager wouldn't make a very good CEO; that a former training ground tea boy wouldn't make a very good CEO; that talented managers who ignite the passion in the supporters do not automatically form a vacuum seal between their lips and his pasty pucker; that low-rent managers from the far end of the realm had no empathy for the local 'religion'...

    The club has been on and off Gumtree from the moment Mr Ashley saw his tat-empire's northern bauble was going to be relegated to whatever the second division is called these days, and dropping the value by £150m to £250m. He stuck with his investment to avoid losing money on his punt, and promotion came courtesy of Saint Christopher Of Hughton (blessings be upon his head and family). Naturally he fired the manager that earned promotion back to the top flight first go.

    The club has never been a good fit for Mr Ashley. Having the ambition to win leagues and cups takes investment in players with uncertain financial returns. So he ran the club to be mid-table - no ambition, but no fiscal vicissitudes. Keep the Premier League telly money. Buy players on the cheap from France; sell them at a profit whether or not the manager was planning his squad around them. Whoops! Relegated again.

    Promotion back to the Premiership for the second time under his, um, stewardship has probably given him the value boost he wants to emerge without losing too much money. And he's getting out while the going is good - that is before he starves the club of cash again and lets the club get relegated a third time.

    Financial investigations? This is a man who has one of the biggest zero-hour operations in the UK; who was too busy to appear before a parliamentary committee; whose financial shenanigans are more slippery than any football agent in the Western hemisphere; who as a sideline has fucked up Rangers - for fun...

    Mr Ashley has no concerns for regulations, legal infraction or moral codes.

    He is what he has always been, a loud-mouth chancer. If he pulls off a sale before Christmas, as he plans, that would be a nice present for all concerned. He's even said he'll be flexible on the payment terms. "Half-a-crown down and two shillings every Thursday." This suggests he's finally serious about jettisoning the distant prickly bauble that he never knew how to manage in the first place.

    Sometimes the devil you don't know has a magical allure. Fingers crossed.

    sealion, sunnysidedown, krink and 3 others like this.
  13. LiamO

    LiamO Share the love

    That was quite beautifully put Limejuice
  14. LiamO

    LiamO Share the love

    Ah well, even a complete cunt like the fat cockerney has some redeeming features :)
    Limejuice likes this.
  15. krink

    krink I'll do it this afternoon

    Are you going to come to the 3rd division relegation party like you did last time in 86/87??

    Wow 30 years :eek: was it really that long ago??
  16. Limejuice

    Limejuice Well-Known Member

    I am reliably informed by the serf I employ to scan the red-tops for me that one Dennis Wise will be appearing in a televisual production set in Australia called I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.

    I further understand that the telecom companies have upgraded, reinforced and extended their capacity in Leeds and Newcastle Upon Tyne. For some reason they are expecting an increase in traffic to the trillionth power during said TV programme, with said gurning wanker being voted repeatedly to perform some rather unsavoury challenges.

    My correspondents are forecasting that, based on telephone traffic from the two aforementioned cities alone, Dennis Wise will be on a steady diet of kangeroo cock and nipple-deep in a tank of spiders for the next month or two.

    Let's make this happen!

    LiamO and sealion like this.
  17. Limejuice

    Limejuice Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Beelzebub!

    The human sacrifices will continue even after the sale goes through, I promise.

    not-bono-ever likes this.

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