My Veggie Argument

[equationgirl]

Some people are good at numbers, some people are good at cooking, some are good at handweaving and spinning wool.

Tis the way of the world - we can't all be good at everything

 

[scifisam]

No, they're not

I've tried really hard to like gnocchi but they're just tasteless little lumps of stodge. Which is strange because I love tofu

Are we thinking of the same food? Italian potato dumplings, filled with various things - which can nclude meat. Nothing to do with tofu.

I reckon there are better things to be doing with your time than cooking two meals every day, especially if it means you end up cooking substandard veggie dishes for yourself because of the time you're taking.

 

[_angel_]

Can't he/ she just open a tin of something?

 

[madzone]

Are we thinking of the same food? Italian potato dumplings, filled with various things - which can nclude meat. Nothing to do with tofu.

I know gnocchi is nothing to do with tofu

My point is that tofu is pretty tasteless but I love it whereas I cannot abide gnocchi

 

[madzone]

Some people are good at numbers, some people are good at cooking, some are good at handweaving and spinning wool.

Tis the way of the world - we can't all be good at everything

Very true

 

[scifisam]

I know gnocchi is nothing to do with tofu

My point is that tofu is pretty tasteless but I love it whereas I cannot abide gnocchi

The gnocchi I've had have been pretty strongly-flavoured, hence my confusion.

 

[Funky_monks]

If you still want to eat meat, but would like it to be ethical, may I draw your attention to the cheaper cuts of 'quality' animals.

I have never been especially wealthy and thus will practice as much 'meat thrift' as possible.

You can get a nice shank (although it seems to be expensive all of a sudden), neck or scrag end of lamb for cheap, shin, tail or skirt of beef and offal, nice lambs liver, kidneys, ox tongue or heart.

You'll be eating a lot of stew, but then, I like stew.

If you push the boat out and have a chicken, you can eke it out thus:
Day 1: Roast, Day 2: Stew or soup with what you can pick of the carcass and Day 3: Boil the bones and any remaining meat up for stock (more soup).

You may also be lucky enough to have a good game dealers near you. If you can pick them up in the feather, pheasants used to be about £3 a brace, (when I actually bought such things), rabbits in the fur shouldn't cost you more than a quid, equally pigeons are cheap (although I have seen both rabbits and pigeons for silly money on farmers' markets).

And finally: mutton seems to be coming back, I bought a hoofing great leg of mutton for about £6 at a Farmers' market recently, I cut into about three bits, but by itself, I reckon you could have fed a family of 6 on it, and had enough left to re-cook as hot pot or something.

I eat plenty of vege food too, mind.

 

[Ms T]

No, from my meagre wages I buy all the shopping, run the car and pay a loan back for the deposit on the house. He pays the mortgage, childcare and bills. But we don't have a joint account because he is careful and doesn't trust me. With good reason, i might add

And yes, he has no experience of cooking and no enjoyment of it either, which is fine really, because I do.

Yes, but buying the food is just your contribution to the household expenses, yes? The mortgage, bills and childcare are probably way more expensive.

I don't think it's reasonable to refuse to buy meat for him, I'm afraid.

 

[geminisnake]

but at the basic level making food hot is not rocket science.

Yet I know a guy who can fuck up virtually anything. He can cook on a camp/open fire but not on a cooker or in a microwave.

Like equationgirl says we can't all be good at everything.

 

[equationgirl]

The guy who lived in my flat before I did obviously couldn't cook.

The oven had never been used, and I suspect he lived totally off microwave food.

My dad can't cook, my mum does all the food shopping and cooking at home. I remember when my mum was ill and we were too young to help cook dinner, he'd try and cook and it would be awful.

 

[equationgirl]

Besides, I've got two degrees in engineering and one in maths and anything electrical still confuddles me

 

[mr steev]

My mate's mum can't cook... everything she makes is a ready meal dinged in the microwave.

I remember staying round there a few years ago and my mate appologised and said (with me being a veggie) I doubt there's anything you can eat. I told him I'm sure I can knock something up and looked in the kitchen. Sure enough I couldn't find a thing (and all the cupboards and freezer were rammed). The only potatoes I could find were part of a roast beef meal for one, or ontop of a shepherds pie. In the end I went out and bought some beans and bread. They didn't even have a toaster so I was the first person ever to use the grill on the cooker!

 

[AnnaKarpik]

Poot, Why don't you tell him how much cheaper it is to be vegetarian? That should appeal to his miserly..ooops, er...careful instincts

 

[story]

I don't understand.

Is this a quarrel about food? or money? or cooking? or about who does what in the house? Or whether people are pulling their weight and doing their share? or is it about vegetarianism?

 

[Poot]

I don't understand.

Is this a quarrel about food? or money? or cooking? or about who does what in the house? Or whether people are pulling their weight and doing their share? or is it about vegetarianism?

It's mainly about whether I, as a non-meat-eater should be buying and cooking meat for my husband, but there are lots of other factors, too, like the fact that I don't mind cooking it as long as it's not shite meat, but as I'm the one with the shopping money, I resent spending huge amounts on good quality meat.

Then we went down all sorts of other avenues but that was nice and I learnt something.

So far opinions are divided but i'm beginning to think I may be being unreasonable since I am in total control due to having more time on my hands, and should therefore bow to his long hours and love of skanky meat.

 

[madzone]

So far opinions are divided but i'm beginning to think I may be being unreasonable since I am in total control due to having more time on my hands, and should therefore bow to his long hours and love of skanky meat.

I think it's more to do with expectations of each others' roles. Were you veggie when you got together, did you agree to cook, did you agree to cook meat......

Of course none of those things should be set in stone but it may feel to him as if you're just changing the goalposts because you're veggie and do all the cooking.

It does seem to come accross that you feel like you should have control of the food because you pay for the shopping but wouldn't that be like him saying you can only use certain rooms in the house because he pays the mortgage? It doesn't come accross as teamwork in all honesty.

 

[Poot]

I think it's more to do with expectations of each others' roles. Were you veggie when you got together, did you agree to cook, did you agree to cook meat......

Of course none of those things should be set in stone but it may feel to him as if you're just changing the goalposts because you're veggie and do all the cooking.

It does seem to come accross that you feel like you should have control of the food because you pay for the shopping but wouldn't that be like him saying you can only use certain rooms in the house because he pays the mortgage? It doesn't come accross as teamwork in all honesty.

I was veggie for 10 years (well before I met him), then about 3 years ago I started eating meat (we wanted to start a family and I'm prone to anaemia) About a year ago I went back to not eating meat.

Mind you, when he met me he thought I was a natural redhead

I don't think I ever agreed anything. Do other people? We've just kind of ended up this way.

His attitude to money is very different to mine. I'll share whatever I've got whereas he will remind me constantly that things are his because he paid for them (the tv being a case in point). Maybe subconsciously that has something to do with my veggie argument. Hmmmm.... *dons amateur psychiatrist hat*

 

[madzone]

he will remind me constantly that things are his because he paid for them (the tv being a case in point).

Oh god, me and Mr Madz compete with each about who feels most shit when they wake up

 

[Poot]

Oh god, me and Mr Madz compete with each about who feels most shit when they wake up

And these are the things that a marriage is made of...

 

[story]

You're in total control?

So he has no option? Really?

You do not allow him to cook, or eat as he pleases... Hmmm.... :skeptical smiley:

I don't think you're being unreasonable. In our house, the one who does the cooking is the one who makes kitchen/food choices.

I buy the groceries. Very occasionally, my Beloved will buy things that I would never think of buying, and have no intention of buying. These are things I don't eat, would never think of cooking or serving. It seems perfectly sensible to me that I would not be expected to buy or cook things that I would never choose to buy, cook or eat.

Once in a while, I will buy something that I think my Beloved might want to eat. I do it out of love, not out of obligation.

I do most of the cooking. Occasionally, I'll cook something that I don't really fancy myself, because my Beloved likes it. Again, it's not out of obligation, or because it's somehow expected of me.

Of the two of us, I am out of the house more often, more busy in terms of hours that are obliged elsewhere. My Beloved is at home far more than me, but it's still me who comes home and cooks.

The division of cooking and grocery buying came about because I'm a better cook: we both prefer my cooking.

Neither of us eat meat, we have the same basic philosophies about food and how it is produced. I wonder if this is the crux of the matter - the difference of opinion between you and your bloke is (partially at least) an ethical one that goes beyond your own kitchen.





I have to say that this bothers me enormously:

he will remind me constantly that things are his because he paid for them

 

[story]

Far from you having "total control", it sounds to me as if he has the lion's share of control, and is going after the small area where you have autonomy (perhaps you are asserting yourself in a new way?) , namely the kitchen and cooking.

 

[Poot]

Far from you having "total control", it sounds to me as if he has the lion's share of control, and is going after the small area where you have autonomy (perhaps you are asserting yourself in a new way?) , namely the kitchen and cooking.

"Control" in a relationship is a whole can of worms, innit? I feel very in control because I am the one who cooks and shops and I'm also the only one in the house who can drive. I speak languages, so when we're abroad I do all the talking and he can't understand what I'm saying. So I would say that on the whole, other than money, and if you believe that such a thing exists in a relationship, I think I do have most of the control.

But that's a whole other thread!

I was just interested to see people's opinions about veggies cooking meat for their partners. To be honest, i'm quite surprised at the whole spectrum of opinions. People have said they'd never ever cook meat. For anyone. And others have said i'm being quite unreasonable.

 

[story]

I take your point about control.....


Well if he says that the television belongs to him because he paid for it, he's settled the argument about the food, hasn't he: you pay for it, it belongs to you, you want it to be meat free. QED

 

[WouldBe]

People have said they'd never ever cook meat. For anyone. And others have said i'm being quite unreasonable.

Cook veggie meals that could have meat in and tell him there is.

 

[Ms T]

I think the vegetarians think you're being reasonable, and the meat-eaters disagree.

 

[Thora]

I think the vegetarians think you're being reasonable, and the meat-eaters disagree.

Nope, I'm a meat-eater!

I wouldn't expect to have someone else cook for me AND to tell them what to cook (especially if they then have to cook something different for themselves!).

 

[story]

Nope, I'm a meat-eater!

I wouldn't expect to have someone else cook for me AND to tell them what to cook (especially if they then have to cook something different for themselves!).

Exactly! That seems absurdly unreasonable to me.

 

[geminisnake]

I think the vegetarians think you're being reasonable, and the meat-eaters disagree.

Nope, I eat meat but if someone else was doing the cooking I'd eat what they cook. Tis manners imo.

I'm a bit about the TV thing too Poot. I'd not be impressed if hubby said that(not that he would coz he doesn't 'do' money)

 

[AnnO'Neemus]

Nope, I eat meat but if someone else was doing the cooking I'd eat what they cook. Tis manners imo.

Agreed.

Mr Poot should eat what the rest of the family eats. He's behaving like a petulant child. Can you imagine an episode of Supernanny where one of the children was laying down the law about having a separate meal cooked for them? Even though Mr Poot believes he's 'earned' his right to dictate the menu, Supernanny would make short shrift of that kind of behaviour.

And while it may seem like a silly point, because Mr Poot isn't a child, and maybe being a grown up means you can lay down the law and do what he wants (in theory), the reality is that it's going to affect the little Poots. Again, going back to Supernanny, the problems that arise in the children's behaviours usually turn out to be a manifestation of the behaviour of the parents.

You can hardly say to your children reasonable stuff like: "Eat what's put in front of you, you'll eat what everyone else is eating", if their father is a fussy eater.

And while some people argue that if Mr Poot pays for xyz, and you pay for abc, then abc should include Mr Poot's meat, because he doesn't turn round to you and say which rooms you can or can't use on the basis of who pays for what, I do think that the cost is an issue. If you're responsible for abc and your income is less than Mr Poot's, then you're obviously more limited, you're trying to be sensible and stick to a budget, whereas again he's being a petulant child and stamping his feet and saying I don't care how much it costs and how much of the budget that eats up, I want it. It's clear that cost is the major factor, and if he can't appreciate that you have a limited budget and if you can't afford it, he shouldn't complain or else he comes across as behaving like a spoilt child.

I'm a bit about the TV thing too Poot. I'd not be impressed if hubby said that(not that he would coz he doesn't 'do' money)

Me too. I find that shocking. Tbh, he does seem a bit self-centred and in need of a reality check.

I had an ex who was a bit like that. What was mine was 'ours' and what was his was his. Mr Poot sounds similar. I don't know what the solution is though, as in my case the chap concerned is now an ex, so I don't know how you get a person to open their eyes as to how selfish they're being and get them to address it and change their behaviour.

 

[madzone]

You can hardly say to your children reasonable stuff like: "Eat what's put in front of you, you'll eat what everyone else is eating", if their father is a fussy eater.

Not being happy at being told you're being a vegetarian at home, like it or lump it is hardly being a fussy eater is it?

To be honest I think Poot is being more reasonable and open minded about this than some of the people responding