My decluttering hell

[Sunspots]

it's fear of change I reckon. Anxiety about moving on, wanting to burrow into my safety coccoon, all that stuff.

I can totally relate to this point.

I'm a terrible procrastinator and self-sabotager, and in recent years I've pretty much purposefully ground my life to a halt in many ways. I think accumulated clutter is a real comfort thing.

The comfort for me is manifold: (1) regarding the past: not sorting through a lot of this old stuff allows me to avoid bringing up painful memories. (2) regarding the present: the current clutter is a convenient excuse not to invite people 'round, which allows me to avoid letting people get too close, unless it's away from my flat and away from me. And (3), regarding the future: de-cluttering becomes this seemingly insurmountable task which needs to be done first, before I can really get on with the rest of my life; this huge convenient barrier.

The anxiety is caused by the guilt I feel about the current state of my flat, and also, as you say, the fear of finally having no excuse left to not shed this current skin, not to let go of the past, and not to move forwards into the unknown.

This sounds crazy to me now, but when I was seriously depressed a few years ago, I used to really worry that if I ever actually managed to get my flat properly de-cluttered and tidy, my subconscious motivation might've been working towards 'putting my affairs in order... everything's now in it's right place... now, time to die...'. Also, one of the things that kept me going back then was the shame of somebody else having to sort through all my clutter! -All rather fucked up, I suppose.

Anyway, lots of de-cluttering tips in this article: http://www.guardian.co.uk/theobserver/2000/jan/23/newyou.life1

It's always difficult to start tackling clutter, but tbh, on the rare occasions that I've had a go, I've usually found that once I've begun, I do actually get really into it with a vengeance. -Work methodically through the various areas of your house/flat, and be ruthless!

In the meantime, I know I've got a book called Dejunk Your Life somewhere in this flat, but honestly, I CAN'T FUCKING FIND IT!!...

Good luck BK, and good luck all.

 

[Badger Kitten]

Thanks for the article sunspot - really good.And great post.

 

[sojourner]

So have you actually done it yet then?

 

[moomoo]

So have you actually done it yet then?

She's too busy reading about it atm................

 

[Badger Kitten]

I am watching rugby with hangover and can't handle any more stress today! I will restart declutterathon tomorrow.

 

[trashpony]

She's asked me to find her another client, actually, but I think that Brum might be a bit too far.

Is Kilburn too far do you think? *hopeful*

Anyway BK - I really sympathise. I have moved a lot in my life (until I was about 20 I had never lived in any building for more than 2 years) so I compensate by hanging onto STUFF. Some of it is useful, a lot isn't. Decluttering gives me palpitations. I find it difficult to chuck stuff but can you sort out what you will need in your next place and will that make you less stressed?
I would pack up a couple of boxes of all the things you want to keep but don't have room for. If you can't afford a storage facility, could you ask a friend to stash them (you can put a couple of boxes in my shed if you're stuck). Go through your kitchen and think about what pans are essential. Stash the rest of them.

For the rest of the house, I've found this advice helpful. It's a weird american housewifey site but the decluttering advice is good:

http://www.flylady.net/pages/FLYingLessons_Declutter.asp

Good luck

 

[story]

My one trick for getting rid of stuff is this:

"Would I buy this if I saw it for sale today? Would I pay full price for it? Would I buy it for someone else? (so then you give it to that person)".

If I wouldn't chose to give money for it today, I get rid of it.

 

[Meltingpot]

Great thread, thanks for all the replies. I need to do some decluttering and soon; trouble is I'm the sort of person who wishes I hadn't thrown away a Q magazine from 1988.

 

[Mogden]

A subject close to my heart. I nipped on for a squiz at what you're all up to and I find this thread. I'm still decluttering and totally unemployed but the clear out is proving very very cleansing and balancing. Unfortunately the cacky council only empty our all manner of crap bin once every two weeks so as soon as it's empty I stuff it and then we have to wait 2 weeks to dump more stuff.

Anyway back to decluttering. I blame my mother in all honesty. She showed me how to cook but because of her exacting standards with housework I was never shown or taught how to tidy, just told to get on with it. So I've been doing massive amounts of reading for a year or so trying to get the decluttering bug and methods, Peter Walsh, Flylady, Kim and Aggie & Anthea, into my thick head. It seems to have worked now. Key points for me:

• I can't do the 4 bag method cos I don't have the space so instead I don't open a drawer or cupboard and think "All of this stuff immediately needs to find the perfect place." Instead I say "All of the real rubbish needs to be removed from this place and put in the bin." I then allow myself to shove all of the other stuff back in for the time being. It thins out what clutter there is so eventually you can really get down to the nitty gritty of what you're keeping.
• Don't tell yourself you have to do masses at once. Do 15 mins at a time. Use a kitchen timer. It flies by.
• eBay is a wonderful tool. It's allowed me to say "I probably can't buy this utterly useless, probably won't ever use it object in the shops now but there's ever chance it'll be on eBay should I find some burning desire to have it again so I'll throw it out/give it to charity."
• I've stopped having guilt about hanging on to bad presents people have given me.
• I've dug out the nice things or bought nice things just for me. My desk here where the computer is is now adorned with some lovely baskets, a proper box of tissues rather than a cat chewed bog roll, Post-its, some good working pens and pencils, a Yankee tart burner in the shape of a food mixer , and a few other comforting features. Someone rang me earlier and I just walked to the desk and jotted a note down. It was so good not having to run round trying to find a chuffing pen and then a bit of paper and then another pen cos that one didn't work...
• I'm a mega procrastinator but I've given it up. I know I don't work well in the mornings so I just don't. I start work on the house in the afternoon and work into the evening instead. I know I could sit and contemplate the filthy back door and cat flap but why when I could consider it with a baby wipe or some homemade eco-friendly spray and a cloth in my hand.
• Nothing has to be perfect first time. I'm also a perfectionist, well recovering perfectionist, so I never started the decluttering here because I didn't think I could perfectly first time. To hell with that. Now I know this will make your teeth itch and it makes me feel more cheesy than the deli counter at Asda but Flylady has a saying which is something like "Imperfect housework still blesses your home." It's true and it's what is keeping me chipping away at it.

Enough from me anyway. Good luck with it. I best get back to it.

 

[Badgers]

Good advice all round...

I have next to no space but am trying hard to declutter.
It is not that I am adding like mad (few bits here and there) but simply the lack of space is making it hard and demotivating.

I normally like 'faffing' stuff about and keeping the place organised but when you empty one area only to find you have filled another it is disheartening. My issue (unlike yours BK) is that I need to get some more storage solutions (shelves/bookecase/etc) and sort the place properly. The challenge is finding the time to sort it all out, arrange delivery/collection, put it all up and THEN start decluttering the place!!

 

[selamlar]

problem is when i do that, i end up de cluttering stuff from one place to another. the crap from the desk goes to the table, goes to the shelves, goes to a storage box, goes to the conservatory, goes under the desk, kiddie gets in it and it goes back on the desk.

This. But without the kid step.

 

[Melinda]

There are no photos on this thread. I want to see evidence of who has it worst!

 

[Mogden]

My pantry/utility room is minging at the moment. Flashy has just done the kitchen in a preliminary fashion, ie tops clean, sink clean, dishwasher loaded. I'd consider taking photos but I don't want to be thought of as a complete filthmonger at possible future u75 meets. I am a changing woman and I aim to have the place spotless in a few weeks.

 

[Vintage Paw]

A subject close to my heart. I nipped on for a squiz at what you're all up to and I find this thread. I'm still decluttering and totally unemployed but the clear out is proving very very cleansing and balancing. Unfortunately the cacky council only empty our all manner of crap bin once every two weeks so as soon as it's empty I stuff it and then we have to wait 2 weeks to dump more stuff.

Anyway back to decluttering. I blame my mother in all honesty. She showed me how to cook but because of her exacting standards with housework I was never shown or taught how to tidy, just told to get on with it. So I've been doing massive amounts of reading for a year or so trying to get the decluttering bug and methods, Peter Walsh, Flylady, Kim and Aggie & Anthea, into my thick head. It seems to have worked now. Key points for me:

• I can't do the 4 bag method cos I don't have the space so instead I don't open a drawer or cupboard and think "All of this stuff immediately needs to find the perfect place." Instead I say "All of the real rubbish needs to be removed from this place and put in the bin." I then allow myself to shove all of the other stuff back in for the time being. It thins out what clutter there is so eventually you can really get down to the nitty gritty of what you're keeping.
• Don't tell yourself you have to do masses at once. Do 15 mins at a time. Use a kitchen timer. It flies by.
• eBay is a wonderful tool. It's allowed me to say "I probably can't buy this utterly useless, probably won't ever use it object in the shops now but there's ever chance it'll be on eBay should I find some burning desire to have it again so I'll throw it out/give it to charity."
• I've stopped having guilt about hanging on to bad presents people have given me.
• I've dug out the nice things or bought nice things just for me. My desk here where the computer is is now adorned with some lovely baskets, a proper box of tissues rather than a cat chewed bog roll, Post-its, some good working pens and pencils, a Yankee tart burner in the shape of a food mixer , and a few other comforting features. Someone rang me earlier and I just walked to the desk and jotted a note down. It was so good not having to run round trying to find a chuffing pen and then a bit of paper and then another pen cos that one didn't work...
• I'm a mega procrastinator but I've given it up. I know I don't work well in the mornings so I just don't. I start work on the house in the afternoon and work into the evening instead. I know I could sit and contemplate the filthy back door and cat flap but why when I could consider it with a baby wipe or some homemade eco-friendly spray and a cloth in my hand.
• Nothing has to be perfect first time. I'm also a perfectionist, well recovering perfectionist, so I never started the decluttering here because I didn't think I could perfectly first time. To hell with that. Now I know this will make your teeth itch and it makes me feel more cheesy than the deli counter at Asda but Flylady has a saying which is something like "Imperfect housework still blesses your home." It's true and it's what is keeping me chipping away at it.

Enough from me anyway. Good luck with it. I best get back to it.

Ok, this post is excellent. Full of really great advice. I think it addresses a lot of the psychological issues I've got with my cluttered hell.

I haven't started de-cluttering yet. I did buy 4 storage boxes last weekend, and they are still sitting, empty, on the kitchen worktop. I get too anxious that what I choose to put in them will be wrong, and I'll end up having to go through them again and use them for something else.

I also have immense guilt in getting rid of presents. we did get rid of a hideous sandwich plate my nana bought us. The only problem was we hated it when she bought it, which was about 4 years ago, but only threw it out last week.

I also have lots of guilt about things going to waste. We don't drive, so getting lots of stuff to the local charity shop is a bind. It's possible, but only the smaller, more manageable stuff, and even then it has to be a little bit at a time, and again we often forget so it sits in the house in bags for months. So we probably throw away more than we should, hence more guilt. That plate could have gone to Shelter, but it didn't. It went in the bin.

I think my first step is to know I'm not going to start de-cluttering until my degree is over in May. Otherwise I'll sit and procrastinate over both my work and the de-cluttering and get even more anxious. If I set myself a date of when to start I'll be able, hopefully, to shut off the worry of clutter from my mind and simply live with it until I have the time to focus on it properly.

 

[Mogden]

I also have lots of guilt about things going to waste. We don't drive, so getting lots of stuff to the local charity shop is a bind. It's possible, but only the smaller, more manageable stuff, and even then it has to be a little bit at a time, and again we often forget so it sits in the house in bags for months. So we probably throw away more than we should, hence more guilt. That plate could have gone to Shelter, but it didn't. It went in the bin.

I think my first step is to know I'm not going to start de-cluttering until my degree is over in May. Otherwise I'll sit and procrastinate over both my work and the de-cluttering and get even more anxious. If I set myself a date of when to start I'll be able, hopefully, to shut off the worry of clutter from my mind and simply live with it until I have the time to focus on it properly.

I've squashed your post to this so I can reply to what I see as the major points. Agree with the charity shop thing. We don't drive either but we're not far from town but it's still a pain in the proverbial to get the stuff to town.

Ditch the guilt VP. I know it's easy to say and hard to do. I'm struggling with chucking my old bras away. I know they're worn but they still look okay and some of them are really quite pretty. I can't give them to charity, they don't fit me now and the likelihood of them fitting me properly is small given that I was wearing the wrong bra size when I was wearing them but they still perfectly serviceable. Most of them are upstairs in a rubbish bag as I told myself yesterday they are no good now and TBH I get the sad feeling when I see them so I'm waving goodbye and looking forward to buying a couple of deliciously girlie bras sometime soon that will make me smile not frown.

I intend to be all holier than thou when this is all done and take stuff to the charity shops regularly but I'm just going to tie myself up in knots if I try and do it now. I have managed to put my shopping trolley by the front door so when I go for a shop I tend to take it, and my reusable bags, with me. It's just a little thing but it makes me feel good.

I'd say start decluttering now. Just an ickle bit. Our computer runs v slowly sometimes, well quite a lot, so I have a stack of paperwork and odds & sods next to the keyboard so when it has a "moment" I can rifle through my bits and pieces and do a bit of sorting until it comes back to life. Or I open a desk drawer and throw a couple of things out. And so what if you have to empty and refill the storage boxes, that's what they're for It's perfectionist tendencies by the sound of it

Flashy gave me a grumpy look earlier for suggesting we shift a chest of drawers back to our room from the spare room He claims we only moved it a few months ago cos I wanted to use it for something else now I've changed my mind cos my idea isn't working.

Don't see it as a massive project it's way too scary like that. Break it down a bit. At the moment my "project" is okay. I'm confronting it room by room. So, for example, the front room is terrible if you look at it as a whole but when I consider what it was like it's pretty good and I keep chipping away at it. I don't tell myself that I must do this on this day I just say that I should do something however big or small. Yesterday I spent most of the day sorting dirty clothes, washing & drying them. Meant I could veg and watch telly most of the day but I still got things done.

Ooo this is a long post. Not working and only sorting my material goods out means I've had a lot of time to think about this stuff!!