We do spend an inordinate amount of time discussing how to bump her off.
This is my current plan:
Every morning after she leaves for work I sneak into her house and remove the food she's put down for her beloved dog (who also shags her, we reckon). Slowly her dog starves, but she doesn't give him food from her plate because she's a greedy bloater. One day we plant a bottle of perfume, which she's fond of "taking home" from work, near her desk. This isn't ordinary perfume though - it's perfume laced with... MEAT JUICE!
She sprays on this meaty perfume and goes home to her waiting, starving dog. The dog thinks she smells delicious and devours her.
She doesn't turn up for work so we call the police, who break in and find a big pile of gnawed bones. The coroner's report states there was no evidence of foul play, just a big greedy cow who didn't feed her dog because she was too much of a big greedy cow and ate pedigree chum all day herself.
