Mugged again

[hendo]

If anyone's failed its surely the parents of the people who attacked your son.

You've got to take the long view here.

Your son will have values of decency and respect for other people that these types will probably never possess. In the long run he'll live a productive life, probably have a good job, decent relationships.

Where are these guys going?

Planet Loser.

 

[zoltan]

If anyone's failed its surely the parents of the people who attacked your son.

You've got to take the long view here.

Your son will have values of decency and respect for other people that these types will probably never possess. In the long run he'll live a productive life, probably have a good job, decent relationships.

Where are these guys going?

Planet Loser.

Deja Vu!

 

[hendo]

Deja Vu!

oSorry Zoltan, quite right, you said it first and better.

 

[William of Walworth]

If anyone's failed its surely the parents of the people who attacked your son.

You've got to take the long view here.

Your son will have values of decency and respect for other people that these types will probably never possess. In the long run he'll live a productive life, probably have a good job, decent relationships.

Where are these guys going?

Planet Loser.

This is all very true, but it's the short term outlook that aurora, and especially her son, are currently facing.

I don't have an answer to how best she can help her son see the longer view more clearly, either ...

 

[ViolentPanda]

It seems a bit defeatist though doesn't it? Counter act violence with violence?

That's not it at all, you learn self-possession, how to judge situations, and how to exit a situation with the minimum necessary physical action.

Also, sometimes violence is necessary to stop escalation, sad as that may be.

 

[citydreams]

you learn how to exit a situation with the minimum necessary physical action....

..of that specific martial art. Martial art first of all teaches you to be offensive as a defense - from how you stand, to how you think. Your first insitinct is fight or flight. A non martial artist is more likely to flight. A martial artist is more likely to fight.
That's all I'm saying.

I agree sometimes physical violence is the only option, but IMO, not when you're a 15 year old kid.

 

[ViolentPanda]

This will probably attract some bilious responses , but try to get in in perspective.

The shite who do this type of thing lead appalling ,sad, wasted, pitiful & usually short lives. They will probabaly never experience true happiness, love, affection & respect ( in the non street sense of the word ) from those around them.They are unhappy & distressed & probabaly have nothing in their lives to look forward to - no travel, no new experiences, no fulfillment.They will never be comfortble with themselves ( not financially ! )

Your son on the other hand obviously has a caring family & is sensitive enought to work out what is going on . In a few years he will be older & better informed to take a direction in life of his own choosing. In 10 years, he could be doing whatever he wants, whilst his attackers will still be wasting their days & lives with the same old wankers, taliking the same old shit, hanging with the same old shitbags in the same piss smelling pubs & eking out a pitiful and worthless existance.

IN the big scheme of things, this is a minor incident, however bad it seems at the minute.

Im sorry if this sounds smug or patronising, but I am a working class male for a rough part of the North East. I know what is like - I escaped & went travelling as soona s I was able * never really returned - I had seen too much.

I go back some 20 years later & for the shitbags, nothing has really changed in their lives, expect they are older.

* awaits onslaught of abuse *

I'm not going to abuse you ( ), but I disagree with a few things. Firstly, most kids who do this sort of shit thankfully grow out of it the first time they get caught. Mind you, the ones that don't grow out of it do usually follow the trajectory you outlined, and many deserve to.
To my thinking, if you indulge in behaviour like that, are given chances and still don't mend your ways then you need punishment, but I believe in at least trying to rehabilitate before writing someone off.

I reckon my older brother (once a working class teenage scumbag, now a pillar of his middle class community) would disagree about the "sitting in pubs smelling of piss" bit, but then he took the opportunity to get assistance to rehabilitate himself, some of his mates didn't.

 

[ViolentPanda]

..of that specific martial art. Martial art first of all teaches you to be offensive as a defense - from how you stand, to how you think. Your first insitinct is fight or flight. A non martial artist is more likely to flight. A martial artist is more likely to fight.
That's all I'm saying.

I agree sometimes physical violence is the only option, but IMO, not when you're a 15 year old kid.

I don't know which specific martial art you're talking about, but the two unarmed combat styles I learned as a teen (judo and aiki-jitsu) were both taught as defensive arts, with the emphasis on turning your opponent's offensive moves against them with the minimum necessary use (if any) of offensive engagement on the part of the defender.

As for flight or fight, you'll find 90% of martial arts instructors emphasising that running away is the best way to avoid conflict, the 10% that don't are usually macho loons who don't retain their students.

 

[citydreams]

I don't know which specific martial art you're talking about,

I was trained in Judo by a gold medalist. I've also trained in Aikido, Karate, Kick boxing and WuShu Kwan. My childhood friend went on to be the UK under18 kickboxing champion.

In all that I learnt, yes, of course the instructors want you to run away before you get too involved (if you're not close enough to rip their ear off). But the stances themselves are designed to hold ground, not to turn around and run.

 

[Pieface]

As for flight or fight, you'll find 90% of martial arts instructors emphasising that running away is the best way to avoid conflict, the 10% that don't are usually macho loons who don't retain their students.

I've never had a teacher that advocated staying and fighting - including the one that had a fondness for teaching us "Jailhouse Rock" - how to fight in prison

Fucking weirdo - funny, but a weirdo

Especially as a woman - you'd be a fool to think you are ever as strong as a bloke, whether or not they are trained.

Aurora - don't give yourself hell over it. You always sound like a very loving mother who does her best to address your kids' problems head on. And you sound like you're bringing up level kids. He's not out there beating others up is he? I guess that's the other side of the fence - you haven't failed him.

 

[zoltan]

"I'm not going to abuse you ( ), but I disagree with a few things. Firstly, most kids who do this sort of shit thankfully grow out of it the first time they get caught. Mind you, the ones that don't grow out of it do usually follow the trajectory you outlined, and many deserve to.
To my thinking, if you indulge in behaviour like that, are given chances and still don't mend your ways then you need punishment, but I believe in at least trying to rehabilitate before writing someone off.

I reckon my older brother (once a working class teenage scumbag, now a pillar of his middle class community) would disagree about the "sitting in pubs smelling of piss" bit, but then he took the opportunity to get assistance to rehabilitate himself, some of his mates didn't."

Sorry mate, maybe I was a bit vitriolic on my post - I know what its like in some S London Estates - live in SE15 - You are of course correct, not all follow the same path, but many do - maybe I shouldnt use such broad brush strokes, but ........sometimes the emotion of reading through a poigniant post gets to you.

 

[zoltan]

And NO.

You havent failed your kid, otherwise he would be out there with the other feral, fucked up, teenagers

 

[William of Walworth]

And NO.

You havent failed your kid, otherwise he would be out there with the other feral, fucked up, teenagers

Spot on .....

 

[han]

Shit, just read this Aurora.

I totally agree with what others are saying, you haven't failed your son at all, you are clearly a loving mother who wants the best for her kids. We can never know how life will work out but as long as love is behind all we do for our family then we can know we've done our best. It is definitely NOT your fault!

And itsn't it pretty common for young people to hate the area they grow up in? It could've been like this wherever you lived so I wouldn't beat yourself up over that. His feelings will change, over time.

But now, I reckon peeps' suggestions of martial arts classes, or anythhing that will make him feel physically confident would be a good idea.

Good luck with it all, I hope he feels better about it soon and can do what feels right for him to make himself feel happier/safer to walk the streets.

 

[toggle]

In all that I learnt, yes, of course the instructors want you to run away before you get too involved (if you're not close enough to rip their ear off). But the stances themselves are designed to hold ground, not to turn around and run.

They are designed to give you balence and distance against an opponent should you need to fight. Whether you choose to hold ground or run is nothing to do with the physical training, it is more to do with your attitude.

Actually, one of the best thing about the stances is that you can start to recognise them, to see someone going into fight mode, you can learn to notice the way they watch you. This will give you a bit more warning of something happening.

And my teacher taught me some fabulous moves. Things like:

1. give the bastard with the knife your bag, idiot

2. give yourself a chance to run by throwing your bag into a garden, or into the road.

 

[pennimania]

Shit, just read this Aurora.

I totally agree with what others are saying, you haven't failed your son at all, you are clearly a loving mother who wants the best for her kids. We can never know how life will work out but as long as love is behind all we do for our family then we can know we've done our best. It is definitely NOT your fault!

And itsn't it pretty common for young people to hate the area they grow up in? It could've been like this wherever you lived so I wouldn't beat yourself up over that. His feelings will change, over time.

But now, I reckon peeps' suggestions of martial arts classes, or anythhing that will make him feel physically confident would be a good idea.

Good luck with it all, I hope he feels better about it soon and can do what feels right for him to make himself feel happier/safer to walk the streets.

Totally agree.

I don't know you aurora but have often noticed your posts and thought you were lovely Your kids are lucky to have you as a mum.

My kids would like to live in Brixton rather than boring old north west Skye (where you can still get bullied if not mugged) - oh and there was a racially motivated attack in Portree very recently.

You are doing a good job - the hardest one in the world.

 

[Bob]

Sorry to hear this.

Something practical you can ask the school for so he takes his coat - a lot of schools are now introducing cloakrooms because of all the problems that lockers or lack of them cause (loads).

 

[aurora green]

Just wanted to say thanks to all the people who have left kind messages here.
It does help.

 

[treefrog]

Sorry to hear about this too aurora- hope he's OK.