Most amusing football chants?

[danbreen]

To 'winter wonderland'.

Theres only one Arsene Wenger, theres only one Arsene Wenger,

With a packet of sweets and a cheeky smile, Wenger is a fucking paedophile...

 

[StanSmith]

i always thought that was a Sammy Lee song tbh.

phil thompson's got a big nose,
you've got our car stereos...

would normally raise a smile...

Well I suppose every player that carried a couple of extra pounds has had it thrown at them

 

[Paulie Tandoori]

hilariius......fuck me, is it moron's free b4 midnight 2 nite or summit....

 

[mhwfc]

Plymouth after Ian Holloway left them for Leicester, to the tune of Nellie the Elephant

"Ian Holloway packed his trunk
And said goodbye to the Argyle
Off he went with a cheque in his hand
C***! C***! C***!"

 

[strung out]

i wont spoil by telling you what they sing...

i did actually watch this by the way but only after coming on this thread to post the exact same video very good

 

[terrynutkin]

"Said maybe...
You're gunna be the one that saves me...
and after all...
You're my Martin Paul".

 

[ymu]

Whispered as much as chanted, by premiership-size crowds at a long-time struggling Man City:

We are not, we're not really here...
We are not, we're not really here...
We are the invisible man...
We're not really here.

 

[chieftain]

Osama ooohhh,
Osama ooohhh
He comes from the Taliban
He is an Arsenal fan

 

[1927]

And all the runs Kinkladze makes are winding, and all the goals Kinkladze scores are blinding.

 

[starfish]

Found this on the Tartan Army site.

We hate Coca-Cola
We hate Fanta too
We're the Tartan Army
and we love Irn Bru

 

[mhwfc]

There's only one Stevie Palmer
And he smokes marijuana
Walking along
Smoking a bong
Walking in a Palmer wonderland

Ooh aah Stevie Palmer
Ooh aah marijuana

 

[Paulie Tandoori]

There's only one Stevie Palmer
And he smokes marijuana
Walking along
Smoking a bong
Walking in a Palmer wonderland

Ooh aah Stevie Palmer
Ooh aah marijuana

top

 

[purplex]

What a friend we have in Jesus............he`s a saviour from afar
What a friend we have in Jesus.........and his name is Cantona....
Ooh Aah Cantona,Ooh Aah Cantona
Ooh Aah, Ooh Aah, Ooh Aah Cantona....
Ooh Aah Cantona.......

 

[purplex]

Anderson-son-son
He's better than Kleberson;
Anderson-son-son
He's our midfield magician;
To the left, to the right
Do the samba dance tonight;
He is class, with the brass
and he shits on Fabregas

 

[purplex]

They've got the tallest floodlights in the Football League...
They've got the tallest floodlights in the Football League...
They've got the tallest floodlights in the Football League...
Oh! city are a massive club!

Other verses:

They've got the widest pitch in the land
They've got 54 players and they're no fucking good
They've got Curly Watts as a celebrity fan
They play at Gresty Road and Edgerly Park
They go to Wrexham and Cardiff on Euro-aways
They had the future England Captain, but his cruciate went
They won the Shamrock Trophy in 92
They've got 3 stars on their new club badge
They've got exec boxes with a balcony
They've had seventeen managers in twenty years
They take 25,000 to every away
You can see Old Trafford from the Kippax Stand
They've got the best goalie the world has ever seen
They're the second-best team in Division Two
They have a civic reception when they've won fuck all
They had a continental Laser Blue Kappa Kit
They're going to turn Manchester into Milan
They signed Spencer Prior on deadline day
They've got the Gallagher brothers in the Guvernors
They took a quarter of a million to Ewood Park
They've got 3007 in a temporary stand
They've got the tallest corner flags in the world
They invade their pitch when they win 3 points
They won the Shamrock Trophy in '92
They had Ryan Giggs on schoolboy forms
They've got a farmyard animal and they play him up front
They've got three million fans in Manchester
It's been 27(28..29..) years and they've won fuck all
They've got a dirty old slapper with a rusty bell
They'll stay up for 3 seasons - autumn, winter and spring
They empty Stockport when they play at home
They've got four different stands from a Meccano kit
They're the only team that come from Manchester
All their fans live 10 minutes from Maine Road
They've got the biggest bananas in the land
They've got a centre forward with grooves in his head
Their managers got a papier mache head
They'll be relegated by bonfire night
They've got salt and pepper on their hot dog stands
They've got greenalls bitter in the kippax stand
They've got the greenest grass in the whole of the world
They hounded Swales' mam into an early grave
They've got a gypsy curse on their massive pitch
Their best player ever played for Ajax reserves
They had a derby match with Macclesfield
They had Colin Bell who was better than Best(!)
They've been relegated ten times
They had a chairman and a manager that wore a wig
They bought Steve Daly for a million quid
They tried to sign Geoff Thomas and he turned 'em down
They've got Bernard Manning as their fattest fan
They used to be little, but now they're large
They sing racist chants, coz they've got no class

 

[purplex]

United, United, rah, rah, rah
City, City, ha, ha, ha,
Leeds, Leeds, baa, baa, baa,
Scousers, Scousers, lock your car!

 

[Clint Iguana]

Sung on the way to the FA cup final in 2008, to the tune of walking in a winter wonderland.

"Oh Engerlaaand are you listening?
Keep that cup a glistening,
we coming again,
to take it away
walking in a Cardiff wonderland"

 

[Balbi]

Sung on the way to the FA cup final in 2008, to the tune of walking in a winter wonderland.

"Oh Engerlaaand are you listening?
Keep that cup a glistening,
we coming again,
to take it away
walking in a Cardiff wonderland"

That's especially hilarious considering the result

 

[scalyboy]

Sung at Craven Cottage, at the time Fayed was applying for a UK passport
(to the tune of 'Volare'):

"Al Fayed (woa-oo-oh)
Al Fayed (woa-oo-oh)
He wants to be a Brit
And QPR are shit"

Not the greatest, but the non sequitur of the 3rd and 4th lines used to make me smile.

 

[scalyboy]

Has anyone mentioned the Arsenal chants when the squirrel came on the pitch a few years ago (Champions League quarter final IIRC):

"There's only one squirrel"

"Squirrrrrrrrreeeellll"

etc

 

[chieftain]

I do like it when Spurs sing "Cant smile without you".

 

[Gromit]

That's especially hilarious considering the result

I preferred it when we sang it on the way to the semi-final:

a) cause we won that one
b) it snowed that day

 

[purplex]

to the tune of ring of fire

der der der der der der der der
Michael Shields got 10 more years
now hes getting bummed by queers
10 more years with no parole
now hes got a sore arsehole
der der der der der der der der

 

[Threshers_Flail]

to the tune of ring of fire

der der der der der der der der
Michael Shields got 10 more years
now hes getting bummed by queers
10 more years with no parole
now hes got a sore arsehole
der der der der der der der der

Thought about posting that one up.

 

[rosa]

i like the lyrical about-turn man city have done - last season:

his neck scars said its not his head Tevez, Tevez
he sleeps alone in a single bed Tevez , Tevez
the ugly twat, the argie cunt, they sewed his head on back to front
Carlos Tevez herman munsters head

to be replaced this season by:

They couldn't afford his transfer fee Tevez Tevez
Now he plays for Man City Tevez Tevez
We're sorry for the hateful words,
We're sure you've snogged loads of birds
Carlos Tevez is fitter than Cheryl Cole!

 

[ITFCDAVE]

He's just a poor little canary, his face was all battered and torn, he made me feel sick so I hit him with a brick and now he won't sing no more

 

[el-ahrairah]

He's just a poor little canary, his face was all battered and torn, he made me feel sick so I hit him with a brick and now he won't sing no more

i think you've mistaken the words 'amusing' and 'boring'.

 

[Pants Man]

last week at st mary's against sunderland

We Pay Your Benefits... Your On F*cking Holiday

When I was just a little Boy
I asked my mother 'What should I be?'
Should I be Pompey, Should I be Saints,
Here's what she said to me,
'Wash your mouth out son,
Go get your Fathers gun
And shoot the Pompey Scum
And support the Saints'
We Hate Pompey.. We Hate Pompey..!

 

[JTG]

Nice line in homophobia and hatred of the poor in some of these. Lovely.

 

[editor]

"Dulwich Hamlet, uber alles" (after the Dead Kennedys song)