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Most amusing football chants?

When I was just a little lad I asked my Mother what will I be?

Will I be CITY will I be TOWN?

Heres what she said to me,

Go grab your Father's gun,

Go shoot up some Ipswich Scum,

You're City for me my son Qe Cera Cera!

^ Norwich vs. Ipswich derby
 
My non-league team had a podgy right-back and we played AFC Wimbledon in an important midweek cup game - biggest crowd for years. Lovely covered stand along one side echoing to the cry of 1500 'Shouldn't you be playing darts' - he lifted up his shirt and rubbed his tum for a bit - it was funny at the time. Kind of very non-league.
 
(tune of the Adams family)

Your sister loves your brother
Your uncle loves your mother
You all love one another
You're an Ipswich family


TBF that gets sung to Norwich as well

Cool, my wee thing wasn't a song I just made it up but next time I'm in Norwich (which is every other week haha NOT) I will sing that.
 
This gets sung to the canaries :( ( re. Delia)

You can stick your fucking saucepans up your arse,
You can stick your fucking saucepans up your arse,
You can stick your fucking saucepans,
stick your fucking saucepans,
stick your fucking saucepans up your arse... SIDEWAYS!

You can stick your fucking cookbooks up your arse,
You can stick your fucking cookbooks up your arse,
You can stick your fucking cookbooks,
stick your fucking cookbooks,
stick your fucking cookbooks up your arse... SIDEWAYS!

:mad:
 
The Adams family one and the tractor one I have known for years, I grew up in Norwich.

the only one I googled was qe Sera sera because I couldn't remember the words:p
 
oldies but goodies

The famous [insert club/player here] went to Rome to see the Pope
The famous [insert club/player here] went to Rome to see the Pope
The famous [insert club/player here] went to Rome to see the Pope
And this is what he said
FUCK OFF! Who the fuck are....? [insert club/player here]

also

Sing a song of sixpence, a pocket full of rye
Four and twenty blackbirds, baked in a pie
When the pie was opened, the birds began to siiiiiiiiiiing...

'We hate West Ham, we hate West Ham, we hate West Ham, we hate West Ham....'

etc.
 
My old man said 'Be a Tottenham fan',
I Said 'Fuck off, bollocks, you're a cunt'

Poetry. :D

MY OLD MANNNNNNN
said be a city fan
and i said bollocks your a cunt (your a cunt)
we hate the blues and they fucking know it
we hate the blues and were gonna show it
with spinksy and birchy..alan macenally
there the boys thats gonna do us fine
you support the blues your a blue nose basterd and you aint no friend of mine
ALL TOGETHER NOW.......
 
I was very amused when i heard about the West Ham to Liverpool chant:

"We’ve got DiCanio, you’ve got our stereo"
 
I also used to enjoy:

Who needs Cantona?
When we've got Stantona.

Phil Stant at Cardiff many years ago.
 
West Ham fans to Eggert Magnusson:

If you've made a lot of money from your biscuits
Buy our club.







I think you have to be over a certain age to get that:
 
West Ham fans to Eggert Magnusson:

If you've made a lot of money from your biscuits
Buy our club.


I think you have to be over a certain age to get that:


Slightly more aggresive version at Cardiff...

"If you like a lot of fighting at your football
join our club!
 
MY OLD MANNNNNNN
said be a city fan
and i said bollocks your a cunt (your a cunt)
we hate the blues and they fucking know it
we hate the blues and were gonna show it
with spinksy and birchy..alan macenally
there the boys thats gonna do us fine
you support the blues your a blue nose basterd and you aint no friend of mine
ALL TOGETHER NOW.......

Think you got the fourth and fifth lines transposed there, Holtey, but good call.

I sang that to my wife about six months after I met her when I was extremely drunk. She didn't speak to me for 24 hours afterwards. :D
 
My favourite Villa song is the one for big John ....

(to "Que Sera")

John Carew, Carew
He's bigger than me or you
He's gonna score one or two
John Carew, Carew

John Carew, Carew
He likes a lapdance or two
He might even pay for you
Oh, John Carew

.... or for Emile ....

(to "Winter Wonderland")

There's only one Emile Heskey
One Emile Heskey
He used to play for the shite
But now he's alright
We're walking in a Heskey wonderland
 
Wolves fans singing to W**t B**m arsehole Lee Hughes many moons ago....

Lee Hughes is a wanker he plays for albion
His misses is a prostitute and she comes from Birmingham
She dances on the tables with her tits and arse on show
and if you want to shag her its 50 pence a go!!!


Another old Wolves song aimed at Alan Sugar's new "lickspittle" Karen Brady

Have you seen the tits on Karen Brady?
She likes to take em' out and have a play
And if you ask her very, very nicely
For a fiver she'll go all the way!
 
to anyone with a shit ground - to the tune of when the saints go marching in:

my garden shed (my garden shed)
is bigger than this (is bigger then this)
my garden shed is bigger than this
it's got a door and a window
my garden shed is bigger than this


to w**ford fans:

he's only a poor little hornet
his face is all tattered and torn
he made me feel sick
so i hit him with a brick
and now he dont sing anymore

to former manager lennie lawrence, when we were doing really badly (to the tune of "brimful of asher")

lennie lawrence get your P45
lennie lawrence get your P45

to the kidderminster goalie whose wife had left him 3 days previously:

where's your wife gone
where's your wife gone!

he then proceeded to let in 4 goals:

you're dropped
and you know you are
you're dropped
and you know you are!

to the police at all away games:

get your riot gear
luton town are here

and the worst one i've ever heard at a football match, to mohammed al fayed at fulham about 10 years ago:

he's fat
he's round
his son is in the ground
al fayed, al fayed

:(
 
When city play in yellow away kit

"Its like watching brazil"

then when the old bill come along

"its like watching The Bill"
 
A real old one that used to get song at Molineux, bits and pieces used to get added on or removed from time to time but this is the base of it......


Everywhere that we go
The people want to know
Where the hell are you from
Say I’m from Wolverhamperton
Big Black Wolverhamperton
Lovely Wolverhamperton
Colourful Wolverhamperton
Sunny Wolverhamperton
I come from Wolverhamperton

You gotta buy a corner shop now
A selling cheaper lager
You got Tennants Extra
At 52 p a can
You got Banksssssssss’ Miiilllllllllllllllllld
At 44 p a can
You got Tennants Super
At 68 p a can

You gotta buy a take away shop
A selling cheaper poppadoms
You got chicken ragoon
At one pound 40 p
You got chicken madras
At one pound 20 p
You got curry sauce
At 45 p a time

You gotta buy a taxi rank now
With a Ford Cortina
And the furry dice

You gotta buy a football club now
And call it Wolverhamperton
You gotta get promotion
Now in the first season
You gotta get relegated
And SACK THE BHATTIS
Find some new Directors
And Wolves are back in business

And we’re the famous South Bank

THE SOUTH BANK!
THE SOUTH BANK!
 
Most of the chants on this thread aren't amusing.

82421-004-21842B2B.jpg
 
Most of the chants on this thread aren't amusing.

82421-004-21842B2B.jpg


I remember the South Bank sing to Micky Quinn:

He's fat
He's shit
His kit doesn't fit
Mickeeeey Quinn
Mickeeeey Quinn.

and the equally comical:

He's fat
He's round
He rolls around the ground
Mickeeeey Quinn
Mickeeeey Quinn.


I dont recall why he got singled out especially as the equally rotund Mark McGhee was playing upfront with him.
 
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