Local Newspaper Headlines!

Discussion in 'UK politics, current affairs and news' started by Onslow, Aug 10, 2006.

  1. mikeinworthing

    mikeinworthing New Member

    The worst I ever spotted was:

    MILK STOLEN - from doorsteps, would you believe it:rolleyes:
     
  2. chio

    chio New Member

    The Manchester Evening News today has "Rescuers' two-hour fight to save horse trapped in bog". This is on the front of a big city daily - a story that'd struggle to make my small town weekly!
     
  3. PacificOcean

    PacificOcean Unhinged User

  4. scifisam

    scifisam feck! arse! girls! drink!

  5. Fez909

    Fez909 toilet expert

    That was from Hebden Bridge. They also had:

    "Milltown man creosotes shed"

    Quality :D
     
    May Kasahara likes this.
  6. gnoriac

    gnoriac lowly seer

    For a few years back:
    MAN BREAKS BOTTLES IN STREET
     
  7. maya

    maya timewasting fool (in every universe)

    rather boring/silly stuff, really:

    - Ten year old meat found in shop freezer!

    I killed a computer!

    Luck is a horse

    Warming up for “orgasm day”- local couple discovered in action

    Pet lizard missing

    Cloudspotter gets fatal injury

    :rolleyes:
     
  8. vince noir

    vince noir maximum impact tagline

    This is one of the greatest local newspaper stories of all time, includes the classic line, "Mark loves his crisps, like all men"

    A recent splash in the Neath Guardian read, "A DRUNKEN man took a goat on a joyride in a crime described by a district judge as one of 'immense stupidity'."
     
    May Kasahara likes this.
  9. Kenny Vermouth

    Kenny Vermouth Wankers

    That one about the crisps has to be a wind up. It's very funny though.
     
  10. vince noir

    vince noir maximum impact tagline

    100% genuine...
     
  11. Kenny Vermouth

    Kenny Vermouth Wankers

    I'll take your word for it, the only thing that made me doubt it was that it was written by someone called James Crisp.

    There's a also this comment on the story:

    What a lovely heart warming story! I was so touched I went out and bought some crisps, but there wasn't a SINGLE HEART SHAPED ONE! I'm sad and lonely now.
    Gerald Winterbottom, Tytherington
    15/02/2006 at 14:42
     
  12. cyberfairy

    cyberfairy http://unicycle-emptiness.co.uk/

    The Bath Chronicle once had 'Lost Apple Found' with a picture of a beaming bearded old guy holding an apple aloft for the camera
     
    May Kasahara likes this.
  13. bigbry

    bigbry Well-Known Member R.I.P.

    From a few years ago after a few local residents had reported that their dogs had gone missing

    MISSING DOGS: POLICE SEEK NEW LEADS

    absolutely genuine headline
     
  14. tangerinedream

    tangerinedream Density of Sound

    My favourite story ever in a local paper came from the Chorley Guardian. The headline was RAT SEEN IN SUBWAY?

    On closer inspection, the story was about a man who'd got off the late train and seen something move in the subway, but was more than happy to concede it could well have been litter or something, rather than a rat.

    This was the front page story.
     
  15. Kenny Vermouth

    Kenny Vermouth Wankers

    Fuck me.
     
  16. PacificOcean

    PacificOcean Unhinged User

    Is Chorley to posh to have rats?

    And is the same Chorley as Chorley FM "where the listener comes first" fame?
     
  17. tangerinedream

    tangerinedream Density of Sound

    No, by no means is Chorley posh

    yes it is the same, and chorley fm is actually real.
     
  18. Onslow

    Onslow More Ghetto than Netto

    :D :D @ thread.

    especially, "MAN SMASHES BOTTLE IN STREET":cool:

    Who gives a shit!
     
  19. Klaus Armenia

    Klaus Armenia Active Member

    I just saw "youth activities reaching climax" in a magazine on someones desk
     
  20. mikeinworthing

    mikeinworthing New Member

    This mistake appeared in a local rag in Kent some years ago.

    After the local elections, 2nd headline on page, should have read 'Count at the town hall', but appeared as 'Cunt at the town hall' - never a truer statement:D

    And down in Somerset when the 'Shift workers wanted' ad appeared as 'Shit workers wanted'.:D
     
  21. Bob

    Bob Rusesabagina for a nobel

    In fact this week's SLP is full of brilliant stories. My favorite is about the bus route which has the most emergency buttons pushed in London. The first line of the story was 'Is this the route of all evil?' :)
     
  22. Winkybag

    Winkybag Monkey Magnet

    I've been working in Hull this week, the highlight of which has been taking photos of the local news billboards outside newsagents.

    One of the highlights:

    [​IMG]

    :D
     
  23. Mrs Magpie

    Mrs Magpie On a bit of break...

    While searching for a film with a misleading synopsis for Shirl I came across this (don't ask how I got there, I just did) and it made me glad that local news still thrives. Got any others?

    Policeman injured by flying coffee jar in Poundland, Twickenham
     
    rollinder likes this.
  24. Mrs Magpie

    Mrs Magpie On a bit of break...

  25. Mrs Magpie

    Mrs Magpie On a bit of break...

  26. mrs quoad

    mrs quoad Well-Known Member

  27. I'm not sure local news is still thriving - our local daily has now gone to once a week... the long-term prospects for news papers are not good i.m.o.

    Anyway, my favourite headline comes from the very late '80s when the Dangerous Dogs Act was being discussed:
    "Vets Hopeful After Dog Talks"
     
  28. Mrs Magpie

    Mrs Magpie On a bit of break...

  29. Mrs Magpie

    Mrs Magpie On a bit of break...

    Yes, I've always liked that except I think angry isn't quite the right description. They look disgruntled to me.
     
  30. Mrs Magpie

    Mrs Magpie On a bit of break...

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