Local Newspaper Headlines!

Discussion in 'UK politics, current affairs and news' started by Onslow, Aug 10, 2006.

  1. Onslow

    Onslow More Ghetto than Netto

    Sometimes news days in local areas can be slow. With the nationals getting the big news stories, war, celebrities, political scandels, its up the little guys to mop up the rest of the days, ahem, "news".

    More often than not along the lines of "MAN LOSES HAT".

    Whats the big news in your town today?

    Mine, quite frankly, is rather amusing.


    "AN Oswaldtwistle firefighter is to be questioned about a stunt which involved an on-duty fireman being filmed whilst spinning in a tumble dryer"

    You can watch it happen here :

  2. Mr_Nice

    Mr_Nice A Weekend Warrior

    Thats been all over the press, it was big news :confused:
  3. Hocus Eye.

    Hocus Eye. Snap, crop, scrap crap R.I.P.

    I am rather horrified to see that your local newspaper cannot spell 'LOSES' properly.

  4. DarthSydodyas

    DarthSydodyas rusting

    Ours is usually about a granny getting mugged.
  5. Crispy

    Crispy The following psytrance is baṉned: All

    It could have been a wild hat beeing loosed back to its natural habitat after years of captivity...
  6. spoone

    spoone club sandwiches not seals

    our one is about the newbury bypass saving 9 minutes on journey time.

    the cunts.
  7. Onslow

    Onslow More Ghetto than Netto

    :eek: I cant get my head round the fact that it made my local rag, nevermind it being big news :confused:

    It probably can, but i cant.
    I got the english prize at college aswell.
  8. Ground Elder

    Ground Elder Well-Known Member

    Resident's Anger Over Large Puddle screamed the front page of a local Bristol paper of a dozen years ago. The headline was not misleading - the resident was very angry about a large puddle that "has been there for several weeks now." No one else had reported a problem, but if if it didn't dry up before Autumn "someone could slip on fallen leaves and get wet".
    Mation likes this.
  9. Reno

    Reno The In Kraut

    Living in Camden it's usually some granny getting killed for a couple of quid. :(
  10. Onslow

    Onslow More Ghetto than Netto

    Is it really?:eek:
  11. Onket

    Onket Je suis [CONTENT REMOVED]

    I really want one of those blue fireman jackets.
  12. Reno

    Reno The In Kraut

    This weeks headline is about a grandmother of 90 getting killed for £30 and generally it's someone getting stabbed or beaten to death. There really is no more depressing read than the local paper in Camden.

    No headlines about kittens getting stuck on top of trees here. The only story involving cute animals in this weeks Camden New Journal was the one about several bunnies, ducks and guinea pigs in a childrens zoo getting decapitated by yobs. :(
  13. Onslow

    Onslow More Ghetto than Netto

    sounds like absoloute hell.:eek:
  14. Wookey

    Wookey Muppet is not a slur

    My mate gets his local paper sent down from his little Scottish village every week, and we have a good laugh at 'Clothes stolen from Main Street washing line' and 'Milk robbed from doorstep' headlines.

    His sister is regularly in there, last time for ripping a loo off a cell wall down at the Sheriff's office.:D
  15. Nine Bob Note

    Nine Bob Note Wry Observor of Humanoid Folly

    "Jeans stolen from washing line"

    I jest ye not :rolleyes:

    "Married man's sex shame with boy"

    Local rag attempts at tabloid sensalionalism never go well.
  16. madzone

    madzone Physically unfavourable

    I haven't read todays local rag. Am I in it? ;)

    *you'll be pleased and hugely relieved to know that I've sent Mr Rhurmund an ethereal apology as his full review was published in the WMN :D
  17. Kenny Vermouth

    Kenny Vermouth Wankers

    The Thanet Times, a paper which covers Margate and Ramsgate, used to come out with very funny ones.

    I used to buy the paper and read it on the train up to London and regularly cry with laughter.

    "Bachelor of charts" about a story that a college was teaching a popular music course.

    "Piddler on the roof" man weeing off multi-storey.

    "Peeing, drug-taking drunk was out celebrating birth of third child" says it all really.

    "Elephant ate my pigeon"
  18. Kenny Vermouth

    Kenny Vermouth Wankers

    I forgot there was that one in some village in Yorkshire:

    "Bus route stays the same" - front page, that was.
    Casually Red likes this.
  19. Onslow

    Onslow More Ghetto than Netto

    :D Bollox!!
  20. Onket

    Onket Je suis [CONTENT REMOVED]


  21. Ground Elder

    Ground Elder Well-Known Member

    Crucifixion to be Held in Causewayhead will always be my favourite Chipwrapper headline ;)
  22. Ground Elder

    Ground Elder Well-Known Member

    That reminds me of a top local story No Problem with Bus Shelter
  23. H.Dot

    H.Dot Banned Banned

    from Tuesday's SLP:


    makes a change from the usual stories about stabbings & shootings. :)
  24. T & P

    T & P |-o-| (-o-) |-o-|

    The only part of FHM that I ever enjoyed was the 'Little Eye on the Provinces' page in which that kind of headlines were reproduced and the newspaper in question laughed at.

    Often there were furious letters from the editors of such newspapers and eventually the section was dropped from the magazine- damned shame.

    "PENSIONER FIGHTS OFF BEES" was one of my favourites. :D
  25. Mungy

    Mungy i haz boobz

    i saw one in Peterborough in 1999/2000 that said something like "Fridge Stolen From Outside House" or something like that.
  26. Ground Elder

    Ground Elder Well-Known Member

    I read a story recently about a man who put his old washing machine in the box his new one came in and left it in the garden for someone to steal, thus saving a trip to the tip.
  27. Matt S

    Matt S Well-Known Member

    Today's Oxford Mail is "Woman Fears £933 Parking Ticket"

  28. DJ Squelch

    DJ Squelch King Of Insides

    My favourite front page for the local newspaper was "FAT SLAGS GIVEN A GOOD SEEING TO!"


    Usually its "Window pane in local phonebox cracked"
  29. Onket

    Onket Je suis [CONTENT REMOVED]

  30. floof

    floof New Member

    I love the pictures of inbred freaks in 'may queen' costumes or something equally trite. Only in local papers will they ever make front page.

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