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Living off the land 100%

Discussion in 'suburban75' started by Stanley Edwards, Jul 16, 2017.

  1. UnderAnOpenSky

    UnderAnOpenSky baseline neural therapy

    Are you going to try catching any wild life?
    Pickman's model likes this.
  2. cupid_stunt

    cupid_stunt & dyslexic cnut.


  3. shouldnt this thread be renamed " thieving from downtrodden peasant farmers 100%" ?
  4. Pickman's model

    Pickman's model The word of Sin is Restriction

    After the last thing he caught not sure wild life really on the cards
  5. Yuwipi Woman

    Yuwipi Woman Whack-A-Mole Queen

    I'm sure that depends on your definite of "wild life."
    Pickman's model likes this.
  6. The39thStep

    The39thStep Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbour?

    Depends what you want really. Mind you any tourist area prices are 3x higher
    Pickman's model likes this.
  7. cupid_stunt

    cupid_stunt & dyslexic cnut.

    Or is the wildlife going to catch him?
    Pickman's model likes this.
  8. Siouxsie

    Siouxsie Fashionable objector with a uniform fetish

    I think he'll cope well with the wildlife, at least it will be fresh. Remember that dodgy sausage that made his penis go strange, gave him an angry rash on his face and resulted in him passing out in a portaloo, after being caught short....poor man, has no luck :(
  9. kebabking

    kebabking Unfettered ambition

    Can we go back to the grapes?

    The notion of Stanley and his pox-ridden, cheese-dipped cock going on the hunt for 'wild life' freebies is not a nice one.

    Him being woken in a ditch by an irate farmer with a 12 gauge shotgun after a drunken attempt at chicken rustling however, that I find funny...
    A380, tim, dylanredefined and 4 others like this.
  10. Athos

    Athos Well-Known Member

    No map, no compass, no shelter, no means of cooking, inadequate clothing, and the only food being what you can steal.

    Even against some very stiff competition, this sounds like one of your most shit ideas yet, Stan!
  11. spanglechick

    spanglechick High Empress of Dressing Up

    Nah, I think this one's ok. I mean, probably insanely impractical, but he's not asking for money, or talking about fostering vulnerable young people. If Stan wants to go all "king of the road", the fallout is pretty much limited to him.
  12. Athos

    Athos Well-Known Member

    To be honest, I'm not sure he's that far from being a 'vulnerable adult'.
    innit, Yuwipi Woman, xenon and 2 others like this.
  13. Pickman's model

    Pickman's model The word of Sin is Restriction

    He'll find some way to spread the joy more widely
    kebabking likes this.
  14. Fez909

    Fez909 toilet expert

  15. xenon

    xenon Carne Por la Machina

    *snort* :D

    I'd forgotten about the fostering one. Pfft.
  16. Stanley Edwards

    Stanley Edwards 1967 Maserati Mistral. Banned

    You people misjudge me!

    I have hit the coast. Not entirely sure exactly where I am :D

    Deep in the suburbs of Gaia I spotted a distant Decathlon (sports and outdoor leisure retail warehouse sort of places). I bought a camping stove, bottle of gas and a pan and utensil set. It looks shit - went for the smallest/lightest possible option. These retails parks are very strange, alien even, places to walk around. You see all the shit you miss in a car; rats and rubbish plus evidence of casual, illicit affairs. However, even here there are grapes growing and herbs.

    There are loads of derelict houses with abandoned, mature orchards. Apples and pears everywhere. Lots of small allotments maintained and forgotten. Stuff spills from the allotments and grows ferral. Obviously, without water the produce is not going to be good, but plenty of stuff will ripen adequately without care. The wild stuff (figs, grapes, apples, corn etc) is still at least a month from being ready. Plenty of cultivated stuff is ready now. I talked to one old guys Grandson (in English), and they gave me some beans and a couple of onions.

    I have...

    Two onions.
    Two potatoes.
    Wild thyme.

    I bought...
    Olive oil and a garlic.

    Not quite a meal there yet. I want to find some wild beans and catch a fish, but that will have to wait until tomorrow. I plan to walk south for another Two hours and see where I wake in the morning.

    A bottle of chilled Super Bock in a bar that I think was just some old woman's house dropped to 50 Cents.

    Where are you going? they asked. South to the Algarve, I told them. Do you have a map? No - I am just following the sun. They laughed even if you lot don't get it.

    Sunset seems to be about Two hours away - I am still walking. I'll check Google maps to see if I can figure out where I am.
    Mation, scifisam, dessiato and 3 others like this.
  17. dylanredefined

    dylanredefined Not a house elf a tiger

    Z[​IMG] Portugal edition.:D
  18. cupid_stunt

    cupid_stunt & dyslexic cnut.

    Is this guy for real or just taking the piss? :hmm:
    tim and Pickman's model like this.
  19. Stanley Edwards

    Stanley Edwards 1967 Maserati Mistral. Banned

    Right. I reckon I am just 7KM away from the casino resort of Espinho. I'm going to try and make it there by 11PM.
    dessiato likes this.
  20. weltweit

    weltweit Well-Known Member

    Hope you have some decent shoes Stan!
    tim and Pickman's model like this.
  21. Athos

    Athos Well-Known Member

    Flip flops.
    muscovyduck, A380 and Pickman's model like this.
  22. cupid_stunt

    cupid_stunt & dyslexic cnut.

    Well that's chips sorted, just need to find a chicken now.
  23. Stanley Edwards

    Stanley Edwards 1967 Maserati Mistral. Banned

    This is no S.A.S. survival course. It ain't even Ray Mears. It is a very relaxing, therapeutic, gentle hike. I'm not going to do anymore than 25KM a day, and all the resources I need are right here.

    I may run out of cash for beer and tobacco, but even then there are plenty of places I can sketch for a day and collect €100 :) If I have to take a bus to a town for earning money - I will do so.
  24. Stanley Edwards

    Stanley Edwards 1967 Maserati Mistral. Banned

    I'm off. Next WiFi about Two hours away :)
  25. Pickman's model

    Pickman's model The word of Sin is Restriction

    Yeh we've a fair idea why they laughed
    tim and cupid_stunt like this.
  26. existentialist

    existentialist Spartacus? No, never heard of him.

    I. I'm reading it as a Very Clever Pun. ;}
    Pickman's model likes this.
  27. cupid_stunt

    cupid_stunt & dyslexic cnut.

    So, basically, you have no intention of 'living off the land', and every intention of earning money to feed your habits, whilst stealing chickens . :facepalm:
    tim and kebabking like this.
  28. Corax

    Corax Luke 5:16. Acts 4:35.

    You can't eat chlamydia.
    tim, Pickman's model and kebabking like this.
  29. Corax

    Corax Luke 5:16. Acts 4:35.

    Living off the land 100%.
    Casino resort.

    muscovyduck and Pickman's model like this.
  30. weltweit

    weltweit Well-Known Member

    I should imagine about now Stan will be getting his first blister :D :p

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