Life's What You Make It - Pt 2

[fela fan]

you haven't, because fela fan is utterly wrong. and is perfectly demonstrating my initial distaste for this expression on the other thread. it's just arrogant bollocks.

Pah, i've not read the other thread, but i'm not 'utterly wrong'. And when anyone uses such words as 'utterly' you just know they've no argument.

You're confusing the past with the present. I'd agree you can't change the past. But you can most certainly use it to control the present. To make choices, to make life what you want it to be.

Stop being such a pathetic baby and take control of yourself lad. Stop allowing your past to dictate your today and tomorrow. Anyone can make the break, just do it.

Arrogant bollocks eh?? Nah mate, that'd be you dismissing others.

 

[mentalchik]

Sometimes life is harsh mc!! No, of course i'd agree you weren't able to control being made redundant.

But you can control your reactions to it.

Can't control others, can control oneself. If one makes the choice...

But thats assuming i'm in a position where i can control my mental reaction and that one incident outside of one's control does'nt have a knock on effect regarding other areas of your life ?

You kinda sound like someone who tells people to "pull their socks up" when finding life difficult ! (apologies if you're not)

 

[jæd]

But thats assuming i'm in a position where i can control my mental reaction and that one incident outside of one's control does'nt have a knock on effect regarding other areas of your life ?

You kinda sound like someone who tells people to "pull their socks up" when finding life difficult ! (apologies if you're not)

One of the keys to a good life is knowing how to control mental reactions and emotions. If you're going to be ruled by your emotions for the rest of the life then its goinf to be a rollercoaster. Learn to control & deal with them and life will be more relaxed.

Me, if shit happens to me I deal with it as I can, and if I can't, then I move on.

I'm firm believer in life is what you make it. If you sit and whinge about how shit your life is then it will be. People who suceed are people who get out in the world and do shit.

 

[Agent Sparrow]

Stop being such a pathetic baby and take control of yourself lad. Stop allowing your past to dictate your today and tomorrow. Anyone can make the break, just do it.

Do you not think that trauma, especially at early ages, effects coping strategies? And that negative experiences cause baggage which are a little complicated to "make the break" as you say, least not with years of therapy (which might not even help)

Do you think an abused child who experiences trust and other difficulties (e.g. sexual) as an adult should be able to just "get over" themselves?

 

[bluestreak]

Do you not think? QUOTE]

would kind of fit better.

 

[kyser_soze]

life is like a box of chocolates..

if you read the handy guide provided then you'll know exactly what is on offer and can choose accordingly.

Yeah, and you can avoid the coffee centres and give them to someone else...

There is some kind of deep meaning in there, and I'd appreciate it if someone could find it for me...

 

[Dubversion]

Pah, i've not read the other thread, but i'm not 'utterly wrong'. And when anyone uses such words as 'utterly' you just know they've no argument.

You're confusing the past with the present. I'd agree you can't change the past. But you can most certainly use it to control the present. To make choices, to make life what you want it to be.

bollocks, fela.

your choices are always limited by what went before. you cannot always control the present, there are far too many circumstantial and contextual elements that can work against you or serve to limit the extent of your control.

Stop being such a pathetic baby and take control of yourself lad. Stop allowing your past to dictate your today and tomorrow. Anyone can make the break, just do it.

i wasn't talking personally you doofus, i was talking generally.

 

[Dubversion]

What you can choose is your present. If you don't know how to, then learn man. It will benefit you.

again with the arrogance.

you categorically cannot 'choose' your present, not to the degree you're implying. think about the logical conclusion to what you're claiming and get back to me, eh?

 

[Agent Sparrow]

You kinda sound like someone who tells people to "pull their socks up" when finding life difficult ! (apologies if you're not)

Essentially, cognitive behavioural therapy which is teaching everyday emotional management is a gentle way of telling someone to pull their socks up, while showing them ways to do that. But its caring and empathic at the same time so it doesn't come across like that.

So essentially, getting over something does involve a degree of sock pulling up, but it certainly can't happen overnight for some of us and ongoing support is helpful. It is much harder for some people than others though, as my post to FF I guess suggests.

 

[tastebud]

Yeah, and you can avoid the coffee centres and give them to someone else...

There is some kind of deep meaning in there, and I'd appreciate it if someone could find it for me...

people that go through life biting the chocolate from round the edges make me sick, tbh!







sorry

 

[kyser_soze]

people that go through life biting the chocolate from round the edges make me sick, tbh!







sorry

What, so you never avoid the coffee creme centred choccies in Milk Tray/Quality Street/Xmas barrel of chocs?

And eating the choccy off a bounty first before scoffing the coconut is an artform...

 

[tastebud]

What, so you never avoid the coffee creme centred choccies in Milk Tray/Quality Street/Xmas barrel of chocs?

And eating the choccy off a bounty first before scoffing the coconut is an artform...

i don't really enjoy the coffee ones admittedly, but i don't leave them for someone else...
as for the bounty i love the taste of the chocolate and the coconut!
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!
<vixen wants a bounty...>
yum!

 

[Poi E]

People who suceed are people who get out in the world and do shit.

Hmm, the same sorts of people who bring so much misery to the world.

 

[Pickman's model]

i don't really enjoy the coffee ones admittedly, but i don't leave them for someone else...
as for the bounty i love the taste of the chocolate and the coconut!
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!
<vixen wants a bounty...>
yum!

 

[sleaterkinney]

People who suceed are people who get out in the world and do shit.

And here's me going to the bathroom every time.

As me ould gran used to say "There isn't a long road but there's a bend on it" and some people take the bends easier than others - it's pretty f**king stupid to say everyone has a level playing field and expect everyone to have the same levels of resilience.

 

[tastebud]

@ pm: yeah yeah

 

[MysteryGuest]

if you read the handy guide provided then you'll know exactly what is on offer and can choose accordionly.

Like this lovely lady, I presume:

 

[jæd]

Hmm, the same sorts of people who bring so much misery to the world.

As opposed to those who are just miserable...? You have the option to be a sad-sack and complain all the time. Or you can get on with your life.

 

[jæd]

And here's me going to the bathroom every time.

As me ould gran used to say "There isn't a long road but there's a bend on it" and some people take the bends easier than others - it's pretty f**king stupid to say everyone has a level playing field and expect everyone to have the same levels of resilience.

Nope, but you can learn to level the playing field. If you really try you can give yourself advantages. And learn resilience.

Basically down to learning. If you don't learn how to learn your life will be crap.

 

[Poi E]

As opposed to those who are just miserable...? You have the option to be a sad-sack and complain all the time. Or you can get on with your life.

Not sure I follow you.

 

[kyser_soze]

As opposed to those who are just miserable...? You have the option to be a sad-sack and complain all the time. Or you can get on with your life.

Two thumbs WAY WAY UP. Top post.

 

[mentalchik]

As opposed to those who are just miserable...? You have the option to be a sad-sack and complain all the time. Or you can get on with your life.

I would like to think that i'm not a 'sad sack' or 'just miserable'.........if i only had resposibilty to myself then things would probably be a lot easier.........


in general i can deal with and sort stuff out but at this moment in time i have a lot of stuff, all in one go and my resiliance is low........


As i said some of my problems are of my own making but a lot of them are'nt, not everyone has the cabablility to deal with the shit in life all of the time,sometimes things just get a bit much !

everyone has their own limits to what they can deal with.

 

[Agent Sparrow]

Nope, but you can learn to level the playing field. If you really try you can give yourself advantages. And learn resilience.

Basically down to learning. If you don't learn how to learn your life will be crap.

Yes, and no. There are some people who are so damaged its a lot harder for them to perceive that they might even be able to give themselves advantages.

 

[bluestreak]

everyone hs their own limits to what they can deal with.

yup.

intelligence shown here.

why be so judgemental those who are of the pull-your-socks-up mentality.

sometimes you just get caught up and it becomes too much. pray it never happens to you.

 

[fela fan]

again with the arrogance.

you categorically cannot 'choose' your present, not to the degree you're implying. think about the logical conclusion to what you're claiming and get back to me, eh?

I will think further mate in case i've missed something, but in effect i see no logical conclusion. That would indicate finality. And i reckon life is a series of todays, forever the present if you like. Sure, the past shapes how we tackle the todays, but humans were born with choices, and however hard they may be, we have the choice to choose, should we so choose to...

Perhaps what we need to zero in on is our reactions to stimuli. For example i have taught myself to wherever possible not react negatively to things or people. If they have the capacity to bring negativity to me, then either i get them out of my consciousness, or i watch that negativity as if it belongs to someone else. Become an observer so to speak.

More when i think about it, and when i scroll down.

 

[fela fan]

bollocks, fela.

your choices are always limited by what went before. you cannot always control the present, there are far too many circumstantial and contextual elements that can work against you or serve to limit the extent of your control.




i wasn't talking personally you doofus, i was talking generally.

Last point, fair enough.

Second paragraph: yep, as you say mate, bollocks! We can be free as birds if we choose to be. Just a question of discovering our egos and how we can control them. If we had a shitty upbringing, abuse, whatever, then okay granted, i need to think about that more. But i know there are plenty of people who had a bad time as a kid, but learnt when adults how to react or not react in life. The mind and the soul have infinite capacity that we merely need to tap into.

 

[Masseuse]

Yes, and no. There are some people who are so damaged its a lot harder for them to perceive that they might even be able to give themselves advantages.

Ain't that right.

Some "choices" seem about as feasible as flying to the moon at times.

 

[fela fan]

Essentially, cognitive behavioural therapy which is teaching everyday emotional management is a gentle way of telling someone to pull their socks up, while showing them ways to do that. But its caring and empathic at the same time so it doesn't come across like that.

So essentially, getting over something does involve a degree of sock pulling up, but it certainly can't happen overnight for some of us and ongoing support is helpful. It is much harder for some people than others though, as my post to FF I guess suggests.

I've all the time in the world for empathy and caring AS. There's just not enough of it going round unfortunately.

Can i just ask you to read my comments in the context of the thread title? I'm not advocating how easy it might be, nor how quickly we might achieve it, but just that we do have these choices.

For me personally it needed a move out of my country into a new culture and society, one where i no longer felt the unspoken demands to conform to society, to say the right thing, to do the right thing. I know the choices i make now, the freedoms i have, did not exist for me before this move. Maybe it was the move, maybe just getting older.

In a rush as i type this, may need to add...

 

[Purdie]

The mind and the soul have infinite capacity that we merely need to tap into.

Yes and no ...

What does "life's what you make it" mean to you

Being a nice person ultimately gets you nowhere

 

[Purdie]

life is like a box of chocolates..

if you read the handy guide provided then you'll know exactly what is on offer and can choose accordingly.

I reckon someone spiked mine before they nicked the handy guide