Urban75 Home About Offline BrixtonBuzz Contact

Legalities Of Getting An Ex-Partner To Leave Your Property

Why? Why did you say tomorrow? Aaargh. Sorry but you're doing my head in now. I have also had to kick people out. I've had to call a flatmate's family to take them away. She then went to stay with another friend who ended up chucking her bags out on the street. It's not you, it's her. She doesn't give a shit about you or your relationship. Stop being such a bloody narcissist. Very apt tagline.

And I know I'm being a bit hard but jesus wept.
 
The more often you do this, the more it reinforces her behaviour, because it rewards her behaviour.

In her mind, what happened tonight was, you said you wanted her gone, she made a scene, and by doing so she 'won'. You backed down.
Tomorrow she will do exactly the same again, but with more tenacity.
And the following day the same again, with more tenacity.
She's already about as tenacious as it's possible to get without becoming actively deranged. Do you really want to take yourself into the situation which continuing this pattern leads to?

You clearly have major willpower issues so, as the others said, get a mate or two to come round and help you stand up for yourself. There is never a good time to draw that line in the sand, but the longer you keep putting it off, the worse you are making it for yourself.

Edit: And also, I don't want to be rude but there's something very self-indulgent about your continual posting on here. It's almost as though posting yet another thread has become a substitute for real action - a way of blowing off steam and indulging yourself with lots of attention. I'm rather wondering whether you'd be more likely to take action if nobody replied to your threads.
 
temper_tantrum said:
The more often you do this, the more it reinforces her behaviour, because it rewards her behaviour.

In her mind, what happened tonight was, you said you wanted her gone, she made a scene, and by doing so she 'won'. You backed down.
Tomorrow she will do exactly the same again, but with more tenacity.
And the following day the same again, with more tenacity.
She's already about as tenacious as it's possible to get without becoming actively deranged. Do you really want to take yourself into the situation which continuing this pattern leads to?

You clearly have major willpower issues so, as the others said, get a mate or two to come round and help you stand up for yourself. There is never a good time to draw that line in the sand, but the longer you keep putting it off, the worse you are making it for yourself.
Click to expand...

tribal_princess said:
'tomorrow' never comes
Click to expand...

^^^ that
 
Yelkub, if she's gone by this time next week I'll give you the money meself :D

Figure of speech you understand, I don't actually have any money
 
madzone said:
Yelkub, if she's gone by this time next week I'll give you the money meself :D

Figure of speech you understand, I don't actually have any money
Click to expand...

Lol! :D :D

Yelcub, put her in a taxi tonight sweetie, otherwise it's going to be exactly the same tomorrow. :(
 
You don't even have to throw her stuff out on the street - you can take them to her brother's house, or have someone else take them there.
 
scifisam said:
You don't even have to throw her stuff out on the street - you can take them to her brother's house, or have someone else take them there.
Click to expand...
Yes. I was going to suggest that myself. Her stuff is gone and you're still the good guy - win win.
 
what time does she finish work tomorrow?

you should take the afternoon off, pack her stuff up and have it stacked outside the door
 
You mentioned a brother or something that she could go and live with - what's his take on all of this? Can he help at all?
 
stupid dogbot said:
No more suggestions.

Either you'll get her out of your life tonight, or you won't.

But whatever, it's up to you.
Click to expand...

^^^^ This.

Yelkclub I find YOUR excuses not to see this through to the end concerning tbh.

You are talking the talk but not walking the walk. NOBODY likes a scene or wants to feel like a bad guy, however you are bottling it and I am not surprised she doesn't take you seriously.

You want her to respect your boundaries but don't have any.

Call a friend to be there with you for moral support, call the police, sit and wait for them. It's her call not yours.

It seems you have great difficulty in letting her take responsibility for herself.
 
If you are really scared of the confrontation, and I can understand why you might be, then why can't you just pack up her stuff and put it in storage and change the locks while she is out?

Then you don't have to have the confrontation. You can ask a friend to hand over the storage key thing to her along with a brief note explaining that if she tries to enter the property you will call the police, and the locks have been changed.

It's not a very good ending, but at least it is an ending and if you have become completely phobic about the final face to face showdown, it might be the only way you can break through your horror of whatever it is about ending with her.
 
Yelkcub said:
Knowing she's not in a state to react rationally and will get herself in trouble she's never been in. Can' imagine it will look good for her teacher training either
Click to expand...

who cares if it looks good for her teacher training? if she cares about her teacher training then she has the choice not to act in a way that jepordises it can't she? and if she can't then maybe an irrational manipulative nutter shouldn't be going into teaching?
 
Hang on a minute. I'm not happy with this woman being called things like nutter etc. She's behaving according to a pattern that's been estasblished by BOTH of them.
 
I haven't followed the ins and outs of this but the scenario strikes me as indulgent parent and tantrum throwing child.

You know those families that appear on Super Nanny despairing at their little darling's out of control behaviour when everyone can see it's because the parents have failed to establish and enforce the appropriate boundaries?

It's like when a child refuses to go to bed or refuses to eat their veg or throws a hissy fit in a shop because they want some sweets or a toy.

As other people have said, this is similarly learned behaviour on her part and you are enabling it/her by crying wolf over and over. If you demand that she moves out, if you threaten to call the police but then don't this reinforces her belief that there are no consequences from her just sitting tight and sitting out your occasional 'determined efforts' (but not very determined really) to get her to leave.

Yes, she's out of order but you also have to take some responsibility for your own actions, for allowing this situation to persist. You maybe can't change her, but you can change you. You can stop being so soft and just threatening and threatening like a parent telling their child it's bedtime and you have to go to bed *now* cue tantrum, oh okay you can in after this film has finished and then after the next programme...
 
madzone said:
Hang on a minute. I'm not happy with this woman being called things like nutter etc. She's behaving according to a pattern that's been estasblished by BOTH of them.
Click to expand...

I agree madzone.

I am however beginning to wonder about her mental health. Her behaviour is far from rational/healthy.:hmm:
 
Rutita1 said:
I agree madzone.

I am however beginning to wonder about her mental health. Her behaviour is far from rational/healthy.:hmm:
Click to expand...
And Yelkub's is? Sorry to be harsh but this has been going on forever and he still hasn't followed up on it. She's doing what works. It may be irrational but we can all be a bit mad when it comes to matters of the heart can't we? Sounds like they'd BOTH be better off without each other.
 
I agree, so why can't Yelkub end the pattern by packing up her stuff for her and putting it in a safe place (like storage) and changing the locks?

Then he won't have to do what he seems to fear most which is the face-to-face rolling on the floor doubled up kicking her legs illness tantrum thing? Re-reading the whole saga it seems that this is what he can't bear to see. So if he removes the possessions and stuff, and he changes the locks, he won't have to have to witness it, and it will be OVER.

Yes, she can roll about in the street outside for a bit, and scream, and howl and cry. You, or her, or a passer-by can call an ambulance, or the police. She can call a taxi or a friend, she can book into a hotel or whatever she chooses to do but Yelkub will have made the pattern stop by changing his behaviour and protecting himself and his property.

I don't think Yelkub giving her endless chances and supporting her behaviour is remotely helping her. It's the opposite of rescuing her. It's colluding in her self-destruction.
 
This is fantastic stuff :cool: I don't watch soap operas anymore and this is 169tn times better than that Eastenders with Den and Ange and cancer/divorce papers.

Take her back!
 
You've mentioned both her mother and her brother so presumably either one or both of live live relatively nearby. Have you spoken with them, tried asking them to talk some sense into her?

Tell then that you've repeatedly asked her to leave and that you're on the verge of involving the police but you're reluctant - at the moment - to do that because of her teacher training. Tell them they've got 24 hours to talk some sense into her and get her out before you call the police and ask them to come and stand by and supervise you chucking her out because you're anticipating she'll flip.

If you do that, you will *have* to follow through and do exactly that otherwise you'll just be crying wolf again and no one will ever believe you mean what you say.
 
madzone said:
And Yelkub's is? Sorry to be harsh but this has been going on forever and he still hasn't followed up on it. She's doing what works. It may be irrational but we can all be a bit mad when it comes to matters of the heart can't we? Sounds like they'd BOTH be better off without each other.
Click to expand...

I have also been frank with what yelkclub is doing. I think he has some issues to address too.

He however is not throwing hissyfits, getting ill and refusing to leave someone else's house.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Y
Tell Me A Friend Hasn't Decided To Leave Me Out
2
Replies
37
Views
1K
Yossarian
Yossarian
Y
A Soppy Git Writes: A Letter To My Son
2
Replies
31
Views
821
ShiftyBagLady
ShiftyBagLady
Y
Getting the detail of allegations made to the Police....
Replies
6
Views
325
equationgirl
equationgirl
Y
Reasons To Go To A Funeral
2
Replies
41
Views
990
Yelkcub
Y
Y
Remembering Your Past
2
Replies
35
Views
823
Cheesypoof
Cheesypoof
Back
Top Bottom