I don't think it would take much convincing.
Legalities Of Getting An Ex-Partner To Leave Your Property
- Thread starter Yelkcub
- Start date
I don't think it would take much convincing.
What more do you want from us?
Short of convincing an Urbanite to come round go your place and throw this woman out for you, there is nothing more to be gained from posting about this on here, so step away from the keyboard and fucking do it already.
I'm sorry - I've never had had to beg someone to get out of my life before. I've never had to consider gettting the police involved in the end of a relationship before. It's completely beyond my experience to have someone refuse to leave my home.
Yeah, I should have realised she was a nutter before (and I wouldn't have called that before but yes, she is) but I've no experience to recognise it and I got sucked in.
fractionMan
Custom Title
you're not her keeper dude. And I very much doubt it'd affect her teacher training at all. They'll arrest her at the very worst then let her off at her house. the end.
I've fled to a pub with wifi.
Go back, see what's happening. Tell her what you're doing and stay calm. If she doesn't co-operate, get onto the rozzers. Do this now. IME of crazy women, she'll magically compose herself when the police arrive, but if she gets arrested that's her problem, not yours.
I've fled to a pub with wifi.
fuck THAT, go back to your home and call the fucking police, man up and grow a pair.
fractionMan
Custom Title
I've fled to a pub with wifi.
My sister had to phone the police to get her last bloke removed cos he wouldn't leave. They turned up, he left. end of story.
She's a mentalikst and how she behaves is up to her.
I've had emotional blackmailing/controlling gfs in the past and my best advice is to just get it over with. You want out, you know you want out so do it and move on. Block her phone calls and end it. If you don't it just drags on doesn't get any better until you actually just stop responding. She won't act in a reasonable manner so stop spending all your energy trying to reason with her.
fractionMan
Custom Title
I'd say "man the fuck up" myself but I've been there and I know how hard it can be. It's not about growing a pair, it's about realising what's best for you and doing it regardless of the harping banshe that's chewing your ear off and your heart out.
fixed it.
magneze
🎧
What if she's changed the locks?!I've fled to a pub with wifi.
You really need to get this sorted IMHO.
This is where you need boundaries!
It's not about begging. Begging is inviting someone to breach your boundaries, wander across them, shit on them liberally, then wander all over them, shitting some more.
It's about quietly, firmly, emphatically, consistently telling them. "No, this is not ok." "No, no more." "I am packing for you, if you do not begin packing now."
Quietly, firmly, consistently.
Engaging with dialogue / insults / tears is already going too far. No pauses. No negotiation. Just begin quietly, calmly packing if she won't do it herself. And hell yes, call the police if she gets physically violent with you.
I've fled to a pub with wifi.
Question: Going by your somewhat extensive past experience, is it likely to get easier tomorrow?
This is a boundary issue. Fucking your boundaries around some more and waiting for another day hoping she'll change (she won't) isn't doing either of you any favours. The longer you let her know it's ok to behave like this, the longer she'll behave like this. And the harder she'll find believing you actually mean it.
Why?
Because your behaviours are telling her you don't mean it. You're giving her a very loud, clear and consistent message "you do what you want, I'll adapt myself around you. I'll leave. I'll get away from you. You can carry on doing what you want."
And - boy - that's sounding like exactly the message she's hoping to hear.
Keep on giving it, she'll keep on doing it.
Stop giving it, and she's out of options.
spirals
Something uber witty here.
I was in a similar situation, couldn't get an ex to leave, we ended up welded together in a self destructing spiral which lasted for nearly 2 yrs and most certainly contributed to me developing M.E. and I'm still physically and mentally fecked up becasue of it and that was several years ago. Get shot and do it tonight. Go back and phone the police and her brother and get rid of her tonight.
Geri
wasn't born to follow
You have to be cruel to be kind - there is no nice way of doing it.
I've had to do it twice. With a lodger, we just shut her out and wouldn't let her back in - after half an hour of ranting and raving about me in the street, she went over to a neighbour's house (who she was going out with) and stayed there until she sorted a place out of her own.
With my ex husband, a male friend had to come over and persuade him he had to leave.
It is difficult, of course it is, but if someone won't listen to reason, there is no other way.
I've had to do it twice. With a lodger, we just shut her out and wouldn't let her back in - after half an hour of ranting and raving about me in the street, she went over to a neighbour's house (who she was going out with) and stayed there until she sorted a place out of her own.
With my ex husband, a male friend had to come over and persuade him he had to leave.
It is difficult, of course it is, but if someone won't listen to reason, there is no other way.
fractionMan
Custom Title
I'm going down the pub myself. She better be fucked off out of there or down the cells by the time I get back. Do her the world of fucking good imo.
Change the locks, delete her phone number, block her calls. She's history and bad fucking history at that.
I've gone back and forth in the same situation man, and I can tell you it's not fucking worth it. It'll be a relief, a breath of fresh air, a new start to your life. When you feel like dating again you'll be amazed by all the lovely wonderful women out there who you're missing out on too. One's that aren't mentailst emotionally abusive wrecks. You fucking deserve better and you know it.
Change the locks, delete her phone number, block her calls. She's history and bad fucking history at that.
I've gone back and forth in the same situation man, and I can tell you it's not fucking worth it. It'll be a relief, a breath of fresh air, a new start to your life. When you feel like dating again you'll be amazed by all the lovely wonderful women out there who you're missing out on too. One's that aren't mentailst emotionally abusive wrecks. You fucking deserve better and you know it.
spirals
Something uber witty here.
You'll have to go through a much bigger and better performance with her all over again tomorrow now, you know that right?
DotCommunist
So many particulars. So many questions.
affect. The effect usage would suggest your actions would facilitate her teachers training.
/pointless aside
fractionMan
Custom Title
She won't be gone and you know it. And what about you? You've kicked yourself out of your own home for what exactly?
Because what tonight tells her, is that doing the same again will work. And if you don't buy into it, Yelkclub, then what she needs to do is some more of the same. Only maybe more extreme and more persistently. Why? Because you're telling her loud and clear that it works...
That's not how I would have done it, but it's better than nothing.
What about tonight? Will there be wailing and begging and all kinds of other fuckery? I wouldn't stay somewhere else because I'm too stubborn, but maybe that's an idea? I'd try and avoid any conversation and contact with her tonight too.
What about tonight? Will there be wailing and begging and all kinds of other fuckery? I wouldn't stay somewhere else because I'm too stubborn, but maybe that's an idea? I'd try and avoid any conversation and contact with her tonight too.
The Groke
hot hail/Paging Dr. Beat
But it isn't about the technicalities of getting her to leave is it?
You have spoken with the police, you know your rights, you know how to get her out if you need to.
Don't be daft - how could you know?
You do know now though.
Your kind of situation isn't uncommon mate - a very close friend of mine had similar issues with a woman in his life. I am not saying the details were identical, but the end result was that he had this ruinous, parasitic, unstable human being leeching away his happiness, his life, his wealth and his sanity under the guise of "love".
It took him 10 years to come to the same conclusion you have come to.
He made many attempts to end the relationship during this time.
He eventually found the strength and the determination to do what he needed to do and rode out the storm he knew he had to face in order to get his life back.
There were murder threats and suicide threats. There were false accusations. There were violent outbursts. Seduction and apologies and desperate, tearful pleading.
Eventually she was sectioned and *poof* - like that, he was a changed man living a changed life.
He still shakes his head when questioned on events and can't believe it took so long; can't understand quite why he allowed this person to make him miserable for so much of his life.
Most of all he can't believe how and why he managed to convince himself he was happy and that the situation was normal, acceptable, desirable even.
FWIW he is now the happiest I have seen him since I first met him some 20-odd years ago and very much in love with his new beau.
You don't owe this woman anything. You are ruining both of your lives by allowing this to continue.
Do it. Don't look back.
Why are you even sat here reading these words? Step away from the fucking computer and do it now.
Jackobi
swallows anything
Is there a third-party who could help you? Arrange for them to be there when she is, her brother, mother or similar, and have transport arranged to move her stuff.
Perhaps she will be more reasonable with a known third-party present rather than a police officer.
I wouldn't advise throwing her stuff out as you have a [reasonable] duty of care to ensure that it is not stolen.
Perhaps she will be more reasonable with a known third-party present rather than a police officer.
I wouldn't advise throwing her stuff out as you have a [reasonable] duty of care to ensure that it is not stolen.
