I've told the school I'm taking my son out until they can guarantee his safety

[zenie]

Well, I've just had a phonecall to say the boy has been excluded for the rest of the week. He was in tears apparently and his mother is 'devastated'. The head told him and his mother that there was absolutely no justification for what he did and that the only action she could take was to exclude him. She's told him that it will go on his record for when he goes up to secondary school and she's also contacted the big school to tell them what's happened and to make sure they don't get put in the same class. She went into the rest of the class and told them that she knew that there had been taunting and teasing and asked them to admit it if they'd had any part in it. Apparently about 6 boys put their hands up. She told them that if anything like it happens again she will get to hear about it and she will make their last weeks at the school as miserable as she can. They will lose all break times and not be allowed to take part in sports day or the school play. She explained that taunting and teasing is bullying and the she wil not tolerate it in her school.

So, I'm a happy bunny

aww thats brilliant news mate

How's your son?

 

[madzone]

She's a far cry from the old one who wouldn't even countenance that they had bullying in the school and was adamant that kids get nits from old people

 

[madzone]

How's your son?

He's I've told him he now has a responsibility to make sure he doesn't blow things out of proportion just to get people into trouble

 

[pogofish]

Absolutely splendid news!

 

[sheothebudworths]

 

[electric.avenue]

You've done absolutely the right thing, madzone. You can't have this bully making your son's life a misery. Bullying really does damage people, and the problem is that it never seems to be taken that seriously.

Can you teach him at home yourself for a while, or does work/commitments, etc make this difficult?

Later - should have read further along the thread - glad things seem to have worked out ok.

 

[radio_atomica]

All the advice on this thread about teaching him how to 'handle his self' is bollocks imo. The child at school shouldn't be hitting him and the school should be looking after him. Telling the kid that he should learn how to handle himself just puts this back on him. I'd be willing to bet that the reason he doesn't talk about it is something to do with 'being hard' and shite like that.

I also wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't feel that he can trust authority and that he's been totally let down. What kind of lesson is an 11 year old child learning if the adults in his life cannot keep him safe?

Keep him out of school madzone and talk to the head in the first instance and if you get no joy there then take it to the board of governers and then local education authority. Keep a diary as well.

As far as your son's concerned I would go to his GP and explain what happened, see if the GP can refer him to someone he can have a chat with about this.

I totally agree with this post. I remember how good it felt at about 14 when I realised that what schools called 'bullying' would be classed as assault or harrassment in the real world. I also remember how bad it felt when the advice from people in a position of authority (teachers, doctors etc) was either 'well if you tried to fit in a bit more they wouldn't see you as a target' or 'why don't you learn self defence'.

While I agree that self defence skills and generally being streetwise are important skills to have in life, they are not any kind of 'solution' to specific and targeted bullying. Being advised to learn a martial art to stop bullies, as you say above, is putting the blame and responsibility back on the victim. It is important for adults to know how to handle themselves, but responsibility comes with the 'power' of knowing how to defend yourself/do harm to someone else, and that is not something that an 11 year old child should be expected to handle on their own. I can't see martial arts as being a safe or sensible outlet for a child who is a victim of bullying, while they are good for a lot of people, any decent martial arts teacher will tell you that you have to be in the right place mentally to really progress and benefit from the positive aspects of that kind of sport - the self esteem side of it is important, but self esteem can be built with any kind of activity from team sports, athletics or even something like gardening or learning a musical instrument.

As far as I'm concerned using activities to help the person deal with their own feelings better and build confidence is worthwhile but is an aside to the actual issue which is that Madzone's son is being assaulted while in the care of the school and they are not doing anything about it.

If it was my child I would have no hesitation about approaching the police regarding the specific incident(s) of assault, and a solicitor for advice on how to proceed with ensuring that the school take the actions that they are obliged to under the law in order to ensure that the child is protected. If the bully is doing it outside of school as well it is worth going to the police as the sort of thing you see on ASBOs is intimidating & harrassing people in specific places, so they just ban them from going to those places and carrying out that kind of behaviour under the ASBO - but if nobody reports it, there won't be a case to stop the kid going to down to the park and making other people's lives a misery.

E2A: Brilliant news about the action the school have taken, hopefully it will be a wakeup call for the bully and his mum and stop it before they get to high school

 

[Voley]

Well, I've just had a phonecall to say the boy has been excluded for the rest of the week. He was in tears apparently and his mother is 'devastated'. The head told him and his mother that there was absolutely no justification for what he did and that the only action she could take was to exclude him. She's told him that it will go on his record for when he goes up to secondary school and she's also contacted the big school to tell them what's happened and to make sure they don't get put in the same class. She went into the rest of the class and told them that she knew that there had been taunting and teasing and asked them to admit it if they'd had any part in it. Apparently about 6 boys put their hands up. She told them that if anything like it happens again she will get to hear about it and she will make their last weeks at the school as miserable as she can. They will lose all break times and not be allowed to take part in sports day or the school play. She explained that taunting and teasing is bullying and the she wil not tolerate it in her school.

So, I'm a happy bunny

Excellent news.

Sounds like the teacher tackled the problem head on, finally.

 

[Badgers]

Judo is good for lads who arent really aggresive.

I did Judo as a lad and loved it
Good for discipline, balance and strength.

Sounds like things are getting sorted for you but if your lads confidence is dented then Judo would help him integrate into a group.

 

[bmd]

Well, I've just had a phonecall to say the boy has been excluded for the rest of the week. He was in tears apparently and his mother is 'devastated'. The head told him and his mother that there was absolutely no justification for what he did and that the only action she could take was to exclude him. She's told him that it will go on his record for when he goes up to secondary school and she's also contacted the big school to tell them what's happened and to make sure they don't get put in the same class. She went into the rest of the class and told them that she knew that there had been taunting and teasing and asked them to admit it if they'd had any part in it. Apparently about 6 boys put their hands up. She told them that if anything like it happens again she will get to hear about it and she will make their last weeks at the school as miserable as she can. They will lose all break times and not be allowed to take part in sports day or the school play. She explained that taunting and teasing is bullying and the she wil not tolerate it in her school.

So, I'm a happy bunny

Great news for you and your family madzone and I think it says loads about you that you showed so much concern for the child who hit your son, I really hope he gets the attention he needs too. And also your attitude towards the welfare of the school as a whole was awesome.

 

[scifisam]

Well, I've just had a phonecall to say the boy has been excluded for the rest of the week. He was in tears apparently and his mother is 'devastated'. The head told him and his mother that there was absolutely no justification for what he did and that the only action she could take was to exclude him. She's told him that it will go on his record for when he goes up to secondary school and she's also contacted the big school to tell them what's happened and to make sure they don't get put in the same class. She went into the rest of the class and told them that she knew that there had been taunting and teasing and asked them to admit it if they'd had any part in it. Apparently about 6 boys put their hands up. She told them that if anything like it happens again she will get to hear about it and she will make their last weeks at the school as miserable as she can. They will lose all break times and not be allowed to take part in sports day or the school play. She explained that taunting and teasing is bullying and the she wil not tolerate it in her school.

So, I'm a happy bunny

Oh, that is fantastic Well done that head!

Well done you, too; kids need their parents to stand up for them.

FWIW, I think martial arts classes are a good idea, not for learning to fight, but for becoming physically confident and comfortable in your own body (which is one of the things that bullying knocks out of you) and, simply, having a new way to make friends.

 

[moomoo]

Well done madzone!

Let's hope that this has been a wake up call for this boy and that he now realises that his behaviour was not acceptable and that he manages to turn things around.

Your son must be so relieved

 

[geminisnake]

Glad to hear it's sorted and fingers crossed it stays that way

 

[AnnT]

I've just come across this thread, so I'm glad to read the result.

Can I suggest, Madzone, you get the head to put the above in writing - if it carries to secondary school it's nice to have something to shove in next schools face.

My son had a very similar experience, I took him out of his primary school just four weeks from the end of the last term, much to the teachers disgust ("but he'll miss all the fun stuff we do") - unfortunately, it was four or five kids in the class that had it in for him, and the rest of the kids were too scared to intervene - I have the "school photo" where you can see the girl next to him moving as far away as was possible. He had just the most horrible time and I felt like a complete cow dropping him off there every morning to face more shit.

The school have a duty of care - remember that phrase, use it as often as you can! You may need to check that they will log your son's absence as a result of bullying, and not as illness - I found out that is what my son's school had done when I contacted the local council schools advisor a month before I made the decision to take him out of school - she knew nothing of the troubles we had experienced which had taken place over almost two years.

I did the full thing, class teachers (one was dreadful, and I blame much of what happened on her, she belittled my son over and over, one was great but too little too late); the head teacher (soft bastard, said all the right things and then hid in his office - the "come and see me at lunchtimes" wouldn't work as he was always too busy and the gits after my son would hang around outside his office to catch my kid). GP (I heart my GP); Governers (never heard from them); Council (got a visit, she was really interested in what I had but it was too late in the term for them to really act on it). For secondary school I sent him out of our (London) borough to another school about two miles away and it has been great. Tough at the beginning, not knowing anyone, but he had a clean slate.

My son had done three years of Karate at the time - you can't make a kid aggressive! He could probably look after himself, but when there are half a dozen kids after you it's some scary stuff to deal with.

On the plus side - he is now 18, has dozens of friends both from school and from a local youth group, and is a black belt in karate. He has zero aggression, and is an absolute honey.

'Ere, shall I send him round to accompany your kid to school?

 

[Corax]

Well done Madz; beautifully handled and it sounds like you've got a good result for your son's welfare whilst also giving the new Head (who sounds worth a punt) a break. I was totally with Bob The Lost, but your reply put the issue into its real world context, and you dealt with it firmly and appropriately. Nice one.

Does your son know there's a bunch of random internet reprobates rooting for him?

 

[thought]

For all you know the police may be trying to put together some kind of ASBO on this kid.. Or he may be causing problems in the community outside school hours. these problems could be far more serious than those happeing in school.

go to the police, and just have a chat (find a quieter police station)

Also go and see your G.P .. you dont even need to take your son with you, if he dosnt want to go.. just to talk to the G.P... get it on record!

I was bullied from 5 - 18. It has done me more harm than i care to admit.. I am still petrifified of nearly anyone who has a loud voice.

Just read end of thread... Glad your new head sounds so good.. but get everything in writing.. and still do above :d

 

[madzone]

Thanks all I'm glad it's sorted as I'm off to Cumbria in a minute and I would have fretted the whole time about what's happening to him in school. At least with the other boy not there and the others scared of losing their privileges (sp?) I feel like he'll be ok until I get back

Just doing some last minute summer holiday packing, like thermals, wellies and wooly hat