I've told the school I'm taking my son out until they can guarantee his safety

[madzone]

I work in the drugs field and have taught children and vulnerable adults and I have a conviction for intent to supply a class A substance, so it can be done, it's just a bit more difficult.

And I was in mental health (and other vulnerable groups) and I have a criminal record for violence. I think as long as you're upfront about it they're fine.

 

[twisted_angel]

It is always at the employers discretion and as she would have the opportunity with the application to state any extra info she can say what happened there. Of course it's another hurdle for a job but I'm sure she'll find a school where she can get her foot on the ladder.

I work in the drugs field and have taught children and vulnerable adults and I have a conviction for intent to supply a class A substance, so it can be done, it's just a bit more difficult.

The school she did her work experience with wouldnt take her even for voluntary hours when she told them, it really put her of so now shes doing a college course in hairdressing and has a job in car sales... not exactly what she had her heart set on

 

[twisted_angel]

And I was in mental health (and other vulnerable groups) and I have a criminal record for violence. I think as long as you're upfront about it they're fine.

Its nice to know she stands a chance....she got such a negative response when applied at the primary school for a few hours it put her of.
But like i said i do hope that you go to the police, this is assault and this bully shouldnt get away with it.

 

[ViolentPanda]

Not when its assault against a minor apparently

That's mad!

My juvenile conviction was for a more serious crime (of which I was innocent, but still got convicted!) and it's counted as "spent".

 

[madzone]

The headmistress phoned and has backed me keeping him out of school tomorrow. She seemed surprised even though I pointed out that I'd been to see her about the very same thing less than 6 months ago. In retrospect, judging by the reactions of the teachers and classroom assistants who were there earlier it sounds like they're fed up with this kids behaviour. The head is going to ring me tomorrow afternoon to say what she's doing about the other kid. We'll see. I've trusted them so often only to find that in reality they've done fuck all so I'm not holding my breath.

 

[madzone]

The school she did her work experience with wouldnt take her even for voluntary hours when she told them, it really put her of so now shes doing a college course in hairdressing and has a job in car sales... not exactly what she had her heart set on

Probably because it's relatively recent. When she's older it won't matter so much.

 

[twisted_angel]

The headmistress phoned and has backed me keeping him out of school tomorrow. She seemed surprised even though I pointed out that I'd been to see her about the very same thing less than 6 months ago. In retrospect, judging by the reactions of the teachers and classroom assistants who were there earlier it sounds like they're fed up with this kids behaviour. The head is going to ring me tomorrow afternoon to say what she's doing about the other kid. We'll see. I've trusted them so often only to find that in reality they've done fuck all so I'm not holding my breath.

Push it, tell them you are considering police action, they need to exclude this boy, your son shouldnt be the one missing school...good luck

 

[twisted_angel]

That's mad!

My juvenile conviction was for a more serious crime (of which I was innocent, but still got convicted!) and it's counted as "spent".

When it went to court her solicitor said they were trying to change the law, i signed a petition, kids who hit kids shouldnt be graded the same as a paedophile its not right.

 

[Johnny Canuck3]

I went to pick up the two youngest from school today and I was standing there wondering what was taking them so long. My youngest came running out shouting that my middle boy was 'getting pulverised' so I ran back into the school with him. My middle boy was just coming out the back door crying his eyes out so I took him back in to find out what had happened. The other kid had fucked off home. One of the other mums told me that this kid who has been picking on my boy for fucking years had just gone up to him and kicked him in the back as he was kneeling down getting his lunchbox. After he'd kicked him he started laying into him with punches etc. Now, if this was a one off I'd be a bit more forgiving but this has been happening for fucking years and I'm fed up with it. I was absolutely livid. I've been into the school on so many occasions and I've always been told they're really anti bullying and that they'd sort it out. Have they fuck. This kid and his two cohorts have been dragging my boy round the playground and calling him names on a daily basis for years. My son doesn't like to talk about it but my youngest tells me all about it. When my middle boy tells anyone about they just say 'Oh, stay away from them' and carry on gassing over their cup of tea. I lost the plot slightly in the school today and I've told them that I'm taking him out of school until they can guarantee his safety. I also told them that I feel stupid for trusting the school to sort this out because they patently haven't. They've denied all knowledge of me going in and talking to them about it (despite me going in countless fucking times!)
This kid is developing real problems - his mother and stepdad are out working until 9 and 10pm so he's on his own until then - he's 11. My son has had to stop going to the park because this kid is always waiting for him. I'm really fed up with it and don't quite know what to do. The head was out at the time and is supposed to be ringing me later - she'll be well pissed off becasue she's only been in the job for 6 months. I feel for her but I can't have this happening to my kid any more

Depriving your kid of his education just penalizes him for the behaviour of others.

Go to the cops; and see a lawyer about what sort of action can be brought against the school or school board for failing to provide a safe environment for the kids. Look into having the kid's parents charged for failing to properly control or supervise their kid.

 

[dessiato]

Fuck the attitude of the Head, this is so very bad! Do everything you can to protect your child!

 

[madzone]

Depriving your kid of his education just penalizes him for the behaviour of others.

Go to the cops; and see a lawyer about what sort of action can be brought against the school or school board for failing to provide a safe environment for the kids. Look into having the kid's parents charged for failing to properly control or supervise their kid.

I think the head is going to use it as a way of letting the other boys parents know the seriousness of what he's done, i.e my kid can't go to school because of their kid's behaviour. It's only a day and he's a high acheiver so it won't make much difference to his long term education. She also said that if anything happens in the playground he's to go straight to her and tell her and not bother with the lunchtime supervisors. I'll see what her response is tomorrow afternoon and then I'll think about the police. I've told my boy to start writing down everythung that happens because today the teacher was trying to suggest that some of it was just boyish rough and tumble - don't know how I managed not to tell her to fuck off.

 

[ViolentPanda]

When it went to court her solicitor said they were trying to change the law, i signed a petition, kids who hit kids shouldnt be graded the same as a paedophile its not right.

Bloody right they shouldn't, or you'll have every no-mark parent who thinks the sun shines out of their bullying little brat's rectum getting on the phone to the bill whenever a victim hits back.

Fuck me, this has reinforced why I reckon someone should seal up Parliament and burn everyone inside to a crisp. What sort of dim twat passes legislation that can criminalise kids who have a scrap?

 

[geminisnake]

today the teacher was trying to suggest that some of it was just boyish rough and tumble - don't know how I managed not to tell her to fuck off.

God, that brings back memories MY son's head getting smacked off a brick wall was playful wrestling

Hope you get this sorted to YOUR satisfaction asap madz.

 

[moomoo]

I think the head is going to use it as a way of letting the other boys parents know the seriousness of what he's done, i.e my kid can't go to school because of their kid's behaviour. It's only a day and he's a high acheiver so it won't make much difference to his long term education. She also said that if anything happens in the playground he's to go straight to her and tell her and not bother with the lunchtime supervisors. I'll see what her response is tomorrow afternoon and then I'll think about the police. I've told my boy to start writing down everythung that happens because today the teacher was trying to suggest that some of it was just boyish rough and tumble - don't know how I managed not to tell her to fuck off.

Well done for being so restrained

 

[AnnaKarpik]

madzone, why don't you go to the police anyway? Make a complaint, get the assault on record, find out what your options are - maybe the police would be happy to go round to the bully's home and have a chat about the possible consequences with the child and his parents. AFAIK you don't have to insist on charges being brought to make a complaint to the police and it can rule out a lot of shit in the future if your peace-loving kid finally loses it.

Don't rely on the school - they follow their procedure, they're covered. The results - or non-results - of their procedure are irrelevant.

 

[treefrog]

at this thread

Good for you madz, have started another thread as I don't want to derail about bullying...

 

[pogofish]

All the advice on this thread about teaching him how to 'handle his self' is bollocks imo. The child at school shouldn't be hitting him and the school should be looking after him. Telling the kid that he should learn how to handle himself just puts this back on him.

I agree. Indeed, from professional & bitter personal experience, the first time he stands-up for himself against the bully, the school will come down on him like the proverbial ton of bricks & use this to shift the whole "problem" & blame for the situation back on to him/you.

You will then have to work many times harder to get anywhere with them.

Instead, remember that generally, schools dislike dealing with bullying because the child responsable often has a series of problems all its own, or its parents might have their own set of problems that open-up a whole new can of worms when stirred. None of which matters one jot to you of course, as they have exactly the same responsability to your lad.

Instead, it will be up to you to make yourself even more of a problem & sinply not go away until they give your boy the justice/safety he deserves. Politely but firmly of course. Lose your rag & they will marginalise you completely.

I'd suggest you involve the school, education authority, police & your MP/councillor. IME, governors are a waste of time in this & only interested in keeping-up the school's "good name" but I'm aware things are a bit different south of the border. Also be aware that the police will almost certainly try to bounce it back to the school in the first instance so you will need to stress that this is a long-standing problem that the school have completely failed to deal with. Also get all dealings with the school minuted/on paper & copied to you in writing for your agreement before it goes on file - Especially an explanation about their apparent amnesia over the earlier incidents. Diarise as much as he/you can remember, even the truly trivial stuff - it all mounts-up.

I know money is very tight for you but legal advice would also be very advisable - indeed in my childhood, what stopped them from remaindering me to a special school as a violent little retard was my uncle, with a solicitor in tow. Amazing how quick they found an adequate solution then!

Good luck!

 

[madzone]

Thanks They must be really pissed off that this has happened now as he's only got just over 4 weeks left at the school. I want something put in place before he goes up to big school though. They've agreed that he shouldn't be in the same class as the kids who are picking on him so that's a start at least.

 

[Bob_the_lost]

Why are you only "considering" going to the police? You want him to be safe but you're not using what's going to be the most effective method of the lot at stopping it.

Moving him, deliberately keeping him away from the bullies is just going to prolong things and send the wrong message. The bully does not need to sit in the same class as your son, he'll go at breaks. The bully does not need to go to the same school, he can find him in parks. By removing your son it's a sign that the bully is winning. It's reacting to him, rather ineffectually, rather than stopping him. He doesn't need to be around your son all the time to make his life hell.

1) Ask the head if she has had an in person talk with the kid's parents
2) Report it to the police.
3) Demand CCTV be put in

 

[madzone]

Why are you only "considering" going to the police? You want him to be safe but you're not using what's going to be the most effective method of the lot at stopping it.

Because, right now it's an extreme action that, IMO, might make my position with the school worse. I want to work with them, not against them. This is a small school (one class per year group) and the head has only been there 6 months. She wants everything to be sparkly clean and me taking my son out of school for a day will mean that she has to register this. The school got 'outstanding' for behaviour on their recent ofsted report - she'll not want that tarnished with someone being taken out of school because they can't deal with bullying. It's a very small community I live in and I want to see what the other kids parents reaction is as well. If they take it seriously then fair enough, if not then I'll escalate it. Aside from anything else have you ever tried geting the police involved when it's kids? It's a fucking nightmare. It might also make things worse for my son.

Moving him, deliberately keeping him away from the bullies is just going to prolong things and send the wrong message. The bully does not need to sit in the same class as your son, he'll go at breaks. The bully does not need to go to the same school, he can find him in parks. By removing your son it's a sign that the bully is winning. It's reacting to him, rather ineffectually, rather than stopping him. He doesn't need to be around your son all the time to make his life hell.

Well, seing as you don't actually know the kids involved I think you're making assumptions. Like I've said, it's a very small community and a very middle class school. It might be that this kid crumbles when actually confronted by the head. The school have done fuck all about it so far. I'll wait to see if them actually taking action helps before I write it off.

1) Ask the head if she has had an in person talk with the kid's parents
2) Report it to the police.
3) Demand CCTV be put in

She's calling me this afternoon to say whether she's been able to speak to the parents or not. She appeared to be taking it very seriously when I spoke to her last night. The teachers who saw what happened and witnessed my subsequent plot loss all seemed quite shocked. If there's any signs of this being glossed over I'll definitely push much much harder.

I'll report it to the poice when I feel it's gone far enough to warrant it. With the school being (seemingly) supportive it would feel like a retrograde step. If anything happens out of school I'll be phoning the police in the 1st instance. Thing is, if this kid is being beaten at home etc then getting the police involved won't neccessarily help will it?

CCTV? Are you serious? It's a tiny school - if I suggest that they'll just laugh at me

 

[Bob_the_lost]

Because, right now it's an extreme action that, IMO, might make my position with the school worse. I want to work with them, not against them.

I presume you've got other kids going there then? Otherwise trying to avoid ruffling feathers too much is a complete waste of time. Who said the police were going to get involved either, if the school fails, or if it starts at the new school then you'd have laid some of the groundwork for the next step even if its' just a complaint.

Thing is, if this kid is being beaten at home etc then getting the police involved won't neccessarily help will it?

CCTV? Are you serious? It's a tiny school - if I suggest that they'll just laugh at me

Might not help yours directly, might help him though. But that's nitpicking and rather unlikely to be directly helpful.

Well, seing as you don't actually know the kids involved I think you're making assumptions. Like I've said, it's a very small community and a very middle class school. It might be that this kid crumbles when actually confronted by the head. The school have done fuck all about it so far. I'll wait to see if them actually taking action helps before I write it off.

Read it again, it isn't dependant on the children involved. A large part of it is based upon what you've said FFS.

My son has had to stop going to the park because this kid is always waiting for him.

Are you ignoring the content of that paragraph because it's uncomfortable or because it's not applicable. Is it just a case of bullying at school or has it gone past that? That line above implies it has. Hoping the kid crumbles when confronted is pissing in the wind (imo).

CCTV isn't exactly expensive btw.

 

[madzone]

I presume you've got other kids going there then? Otherwise trying to avoid ruffling feathers too much is a complete waste of time. Who said the police were going to get involved either, if the school fails, or if it starts at the new school then you'd have laid some of the groundwork for the next step even if its' just a complaint.

My 8 yrl old is there as well.

Might not help yours directly, might help him though. But that's nitpicking and rather unlikely to be directly helpful.

Or it could make things worse for him. It might also refelct badly on us as a family. The wider community might think we've over reacted and we;'ll lose any support from other parents when right now they're bcaking us. It's really not that simple when you live in such a small place

Read it again, it isn't dependant on the children involved. A large part of it is based upon what you've said FFS.

I don't really understand what you mean here.

Are you ignoring the content of that paragraph because it's uncomfortable or because it's not applicable. Is it just a case of bullying at school or has it gone past that? That line above implies it has. Hoping the kid crumbles when confronted is pissing in the wind (imo).

It's gone beyond school, clearly but as it's such a small community peer pressure may be more useful than the police. That will depend on the support of the rest of the community and being too heavy handed at this stage will alienate them IMO.

CCTV isn't exactly expensive btw.

It's nothing to dow ith money. There would be an outcry from the rest of the parents if it was suggested, let alone the staff.

 

[Bob_the_lost]

Generally teaching staff like CCTV. Parents perhaps, you'd need to sell it to them intelligently rather than just announcing it.

What i meant was that keeping your son out of the same class as the bully in future education is not going to do anything. You're hoping that this will squash the problem, i hope you're right but i think you're going to be disappointed.

Which is why i'd report it to the police, even if it was to say
"this happened, it'll probably happen again and when it does i want this one on the record so you do something."

 

[madzone]

What i meant was that keeping your son out of the same class as the bully in future education is not going to do anything.

I disagree. It's spurred the school on to actually do something - at least they're talking to the parents now. I'm not dismissing the idea of calling the police, I just don't think that it'll be a particualrly useful action to pursue today - not until I know what the school are intending to do. It also gives the mesage to my son that I have no problem with taking him out of a situation where he isn't safe. He's so relieved to not be going to school today to face what happened yesterday that it's been worth it just for that. I think the kid doing this has problems - he's not just an evil little shite. We'll see what the school say today. I only intend to keep him out today - if it's still going on at secondary school then obviously it's not a long term solution. They remember me at the secondary school from when my eldest was there so they'll know that I won't let things lie

 

[Bob_the_lost]

Taking you son out helped because it may stop the bullying. Agreeing that he shouldn't be in the same class in future won't do much.

FWIW it sounds like you're doing the right thing. Just niggling over the details/timing really.

 

[madzone]

Taking you son out helped because it may stop the bullying.

What I think it will do is hit the school where it hurts - I'm going to push them to record it as an unauthorised absence due to bullying. Also, you can never underestimate the power of the granite grapevine. By lunchtime today it will be all round the school that my son has been kept at home because he was beaten up by another boy. The other parents will all know by the time they come to pick up their kids and it will be embellished out of all proportion by the time they all get home The mother of the bullying little shite will have to face that when she next shows her face at school.

Agreeing that he shouldn't be in the same class in future won't do much.

I agree. The reassuring thing was that it meant they are at least taking the allegation seriously enough to warrant some kind of action. Well, they can't do anythng else now as it was witnessed by so many people. I'm sure they will fnd some way of trying to misrepresent it or play down what's happening and I'm girding my loins for the call from the head later on.

FWIW it sounds like you're doing the right thing. Just niggling over the details/timing really.

Thanks

 

[Fruitloop]

I think the head is going to use it as a way of letting the other boys parents know the seriousness of what he's done, i.e my kid can't go to school because of their kid's behaviour. It's only a day and he's a high acheiver so it won't make much difference to his long term education. She also said that if anything happens in the playground he's to go straight to her and tell her and not bother with the lunchtime supervisors. I'll see what her response is tomorrow afternoon and then I'll think about the police. I've told my boy to start writing down everythung that happens because today the teacher was trying to suggest that some of it was just boyish rough and tumble - don't know how I managed not to tell her to fuck off.

Better to stay at home and miss some school than go through the trauma of bullying day in day out IMO, and I do speak from experience. Most of what they teach you at school is bollocks anyway.

 

[madzone]

Well, I've just had a phonecall to say the boy has been excluded for the rest of the week. He was in tears apparently and his mother is 'devastated'. The head told him and his mother that there was absolutely no justification for what he did and that the only action she could take was to exclude him. She's told him that it will go on his record for when he goes up to secondary school and she's also contacted the big school to tell them what's happened and to make sure they don't get put in the same class. She went into the rest of the class and told them that she knew that there had been taunting and teasing and asked them to admit it if they'd had any part in it. Apparently about 6 boys put their hands up. She told them that if anything like it happens again she will get to hear about it and she will make their last weeks at the school as miserable as she can. They will lose all break times and not be allowed to take part in sports day or the school play. She explained that taunting and teasing is bullying and the she wil not tolerate it in her school.

So, I'm a happy bunny

 

[Pingu]

she sounds ok

hope it works out well

 

[LilMissHissyFit]

wonderful! well done head and well done you!
she does sound reasonable and sensible.