"Ive taken the rubbish out FOR YOU..."

[Jazzz]

What does a person say to that?

"er....thank you?"
or
"You did it for me? Erm... do you LIVE HERE TOO?!"

How about I respond in kind?

'Thank you darling for taking the 3 day old rubbish out. Well today I:

• cooked you a heathy breakfast and freshly pressed you some fruit juice,
• did your packed lunch- healthy grilled chicken wraps with salad and mango chutney
• ironed you a shirt,
• hoovered for you,
• cleaned the bathroom for you to use, picking up your wet towels from the floor again,
• carried home 5 HUGE back breaking shopping bags of fruit veg and meat because I cook every thing from scratch for you. Can I have some applause too now?'

Why do some people need validation for every small act they do? Meanwhile they dont see the rest of the hundreds of unseen things a day you do to make the household work for everyone!

This isnt a 'bash men' thread, its a thoughtless partner thread.

Fully understand where you are coming from, but I think you should adopt a different frame. You can choose the 'battle frame', and guess what you'll get - a battle, and he'll resent the fact that when he made a bit of effort to do something (i.e. take out the rubbish) he was made to feel silly about it.

Or you can choose the 'I am the master of the household' frame and reward the effort of the subordinate with a comment such as 'well done'.

Which one do you think is going to get better results?

 

[Melinda]

You are right, I probably need to think about my approach- currently I dont have one! Im usually light and jokey about things like washing up and rubbish right up until the point Im not and then I just switch.

Im quite mellow and dont often say when I want things doing, I expect him to notice something needs doing, the same way I do.

Its not fair on him, especially as he does work so hard, but I can resent him sometimes for relying on the fact that he KNOWS *I'll do it.*

 

[Mrs Miggins]

 

[Melinda]

OMG!

There has NEVER been a more perfect illustration of any thread. Ever!

*stands to applaud*

 

[Mrs Miggins]

*takes bow*

 

[wtfftw]

more fleming...
dirty laundry
where_is_my_dinner.gif
washing_up.gif

 

[Wolveryeti]

What does a person say to that?

"er....thank you?"
or
"You did it for me? Erm... do you LIVE HERE TOO?!"

How about I respond in kind?

'Thank you darling for taking the 3 day old rubbish out. Well today I:

• cooked you a heathy breakfast and freshly pressed you some fruit juice,
• did your packed lunch- healthy grilled chicken wraps with salad and mango chutney
• ironed you a shirt,
• hoovered for you,
• cleaned the bathroom for you to use, picking up your wet towels from the floor again,
• carried home 5 HUGE back breaking shopping bags of fruit veg and meat because I cook every thing from scratch for you. Can I have some applause too now?'

Why do some people need validation for every small act they do? Meanwhile they dont see the rest of the hundreds of unseen things a day you do to make the household work for everyone!

This isnt a 'bash men' thread, its a thoughtless partner thread.

What are you doing posting on here?

Those dishes won't do themselves you know...

 

[invisibleplanet]

Whilst holding a very, very large vibrator and a tub of Swarfega, then

Ahmmmmm . . . no.

 

[Edie]

OMFG I am so with you on this Melinda!

First rant: Why is it than some people (desperately resists urge to say men) are able to sit on the sofa quietly drinking their coffee whilst the other person is desperately running around finding lost socks, making the packed lunches, doing the washing up and loading the washing machine at the same time. How can they do it? And do it comfortably, without any sense of unease! It's an art form, I tells ya.

Second rant: Why is it, when these same individuals, eventually do start on a once-a-year task after much nagging (FOR YOU, of course) they are able to perform said task to such an incredibly higher standard than you ever could.

After spending a fantastic amount of time hoovering the living room, you pop your head round the door and there they are wiping the fucking skirting boards behind the sofa (!) grumbling under their breaths about someone giving the house a good clean for once. Cos obviously you are some kind of slovenly person who for some unknown reason doesn't get round to hauling the fridge out, scrubbing the underside of the dining chairs and polishing the cat every single week

Rant over. As you were.

 

[Spion]

and polishing the cat every single week

Only once a week, you filthy trollope?! I'm not surprised your gentleman gets peeved

Seriously tho, blokes who act like that are pretty much conditioned into it by their daft mothers, IME

 

[moomoo]

Second rant: Why is it, when these same individuals, eventually do start on a once-a-year task after much nagging (FOR YOU, of course) they are able to perform said task to such an incredibly higher standard than you ever could.

After spending a fantastic amount of time hoovering the living room, you pop your head round the door and there they are wiping the fucking skirting boards behind the sofa (!) grumbling under their breaths about someone giving the house a good clean for once. Cos obviously you are some kind of slovenly person who for some unknown reason doesn't get round to hauling the fridge out, scrubbing the underside of the dining chairs and polishing the cat every single week

Did you once live with my husband?

 

[Edie]

Did you once live with my husband?

I think it's the (often endearing) male trait of everything having to be a huge project based event rather than a quick whip round.

 

[mrsfran]

I think I might be a bit male in my cleaning habits. I tend to leave stuff and leave stuff... and then do an unnecessarily thorough job. Wiping the sideboards, bleaching the light pull, cleaning the tops of cupboard doors

And when I do the washing up, I do ALL of it. Unlike some people, who do half and don't set it on the draining board correctly, so there's not enough room to dry the rest. It's all about being economical with space

 

[quimcunx]

what about getting teenagers to do anything in the house without being screamed at?

any advice?

You should have started on them when they were about 2...

Show them what to do, include them in tidying up. then from the age of about 4 they tidy their own toys up or you throw them out. and really do throw them out.

 

[TopCat]

Who does the diy and the driving and the killing of insects and rodents and home "defence"?

 

[Mrs Miggins]

Who does the diy and the driving and the killing of insects and rodents and home "defence"?

Me mostly
On top of all the housework