"Ive taken the rubbish out FOR YOU..."

[Miss-Shelf]

what about getting teenagers to do anything in the house without being screamed at?

any advice?

 

[Mrs Magpie]

Hendo claims he doesn't know how to work the washing machine or dishwasher, despite having been shown several times.

Strange that, considering he can work very complicated blokey-gadgets...(I'm paraphrasing Blind Lemon's comments having been read this thread).

 

[Superape]

what about getting teenagers to do anything in the house without being screamed at?

any advice?

Well, the main thing there is to get them to take responsibility for their own stuff. If they want their clothes washing, they need to migrate from the cesspit that is their room to the washing machine. This first step can be followed by actually getting them to put it in the machine & setting it running. If they want their clothes ironed, show them where the iron is & explain the functions of things like plug sockets & control dials.

Remember you have control of the purse strings - if they want those strings relaxed, their apron strings need to go on. Conflict avoidance by giving in to avoid a shouty session is the quickest way to subservience.


@Invisibleplanet - don't worry, when she returns the place will be shiny. I will, after all, be wanting sexytime.

 

[AnnaKarpik]

what about getting teenagers to do anything in the house without being screamed at?

any advice?

Nagging plus gradual withdrawal of service. Eg, for six months it's a 'put your washing in the machine' reminder twice a week and do your own washing if their's isn't around. There will be tears, there will be recriminations, there will be teenagers clad in stinky rags but you will explain that they are old enough now to take responsibility for themselves. In the next phase of course you don;'t issue reminders - a short conversation about who is washing what colour tonight will suffice. Imperceptibly you stop doing their washing at all; they are doing yours, haha!

As regards cleaning their own rooms, don't do it; tell them you respect their privacy. After about six months, if there has been no request for instruction in the use of furniture polish or vacuum cleaner despite gentle hints that cleaning a not-too-filthy space is much easier than cleaning a pit you have to change tactics. Stopping pocket money to pay for indutrial cleaners every so often is reasonable; occasional forays into the pit to collect plates, cups etc will be necessary to give a good reason for a lecture on domestic hygiene. It helps if they are afraid of creeping things or mice.

Food; the only response to 'what can I eat?' should be 'nothing; I'm too tired to cook/we need the money for the industrial cleaner/we spent everything on drugs'. No point being overly responsible, they only take advantage

 

[invisibleplanet]

@Invisibleplanet - don't worry, when she returns the place will be shiny. I will, after all, be wanting sexytime.

We at the Ministry for Disgruntled Houseworkers do not agree with the withdrawal of sexytime as a bargaining tool in relation to the division of household labour

 

[Superape]

We at the Ministry for Disgruntled Houseworkers do not agree with the withdrawal of sexytime as a bargaining tool in relation to the division of household labour

Where do I sign?

 

[invisibleplanet]

Not our department, mate. You need the Ministry of Love to represent you for that

 

[invisibleplanet]

Where do I sign?

But seriously Superape, I've been made aware, over the years, through being privy to the troubles that couples I know have experienced, that disagreements over household labour can spill over into the bedroom causing withdrawal of sexytime as resentment builds through lack of resolution.

This is why the Ministry for Disgruntled Houseworkers recommends strike action and a set of clear demands in order to achieve a workable division of labour without withdrawing sexytime

Withdrawing sexytime can actually make the situation worse - who wants to live in a striking household with dirty dishes, piles of laundry, filthy worksurfaces, and no sexytime?!

We say - keep sexytime, keep good-natured/friendly humour and keep the focus on the root problem - division of household labour with transferring the problem to another department (i.e. sexytime).

There are some bigger 'weapons' that can be brought out without withdrawing sexytime, especially if it looks as though the strike isn't going to work, or worse, causes a counter-strike. However, these are 'militant tricks' and shouldn't be used lightly ....

 

[aqua]

Hendo claims he doesn't know how to work the washing machine or dishwasher, despite having been shown several times.

that doesn't wash (excuse the pub ) in my house I'm afraid, I leave simple instructions (stick on top right 40degrees etc) that he can follow

I do separate the washing though, but then I'm the one who has "funny stuff" that needs different washes

(((((bees)))))

 

[aqua]

I've long campaigned for the pile of crap next to where bees sits on the sofa is put somewhere else - he moaned

then when we decorated our living room, and there was no crap in there at all he said "fuck me, it looks really nice when there isn't clutter everywhere doesn't it"

he tried harder now

 

[invisibleplanet]

Militant tricks
Conditions: To be used only in the case of an attempt to break the strike by the offending party by refusal to negotiate to offended party's reasonable demands.
(In reverse order of application, and to be used only after the first strike has ended without resolution)

1) Top of the list is, of course, inviting his entire family to visit during the strike (I said these were dirty)

2) Gain the solidarity of all the tidy partners from the couples in your social group through a co-ordinated mass-household strike;
a) ensure that a copy of the demands are given by one group to an assembly of prime culprits;
b) a party is the ideal time to spring this militant trick - at first they will think it's a joke, but when one of the stewards hands out the statement/list of demands to each of the untidy/shirking partners, they'll take notice alright
c) be aware, this can backfire as mass stubborness breaks out from the untidy-side.

 

[invisibleplanet]

I've long campaigned for the pile of crap next to where bees sits on the sofa is put somewhere else - he moaned

then when we decorated our living room, and there was no crap in there at all he said "fuck me, it looks really nice when there isn't clutter everywhere doesn't it"

he tried harder now

I have alot of baskets to contain my stuff (project 'bins'), and at least three 'chaos' bowls, where 'stuff that seems to have no home' can be placed and retrieved. Other people's mess and your own mess looks so much better when contained

 

[madamv]

See, now that's an attitude that will foster a happy household. It's all about balance. Mrs wife does indeed give more of a toss about cleanliness standards than I do, particularly, shall we say periodically, but I tend to do more of the washing of the clothing, anything that involves heavy lifting & extreme dirt (she has never ever emptied a litter tray) and anything remotely DIY normally falls to me. The routine of who does what has balanced out over the years & it all works very nicely.

There are occasional disagreements - for example I have this theory that surfaces are for putting things on, so I am happy to deposit things on eg the sideboard, where as she will tend to tut and put them somewhere else even if I wish to keep things where I can find them. The circle of crap within a precisely defined radius of my sofa (ie within an arm's length of the cushion nearest my head) also irritates from time to time, but again, my theory is that it's my house too and if I wish to leave things there I jolly well can.

But overall, share the tasks - doesn't really matter who does what as long as the overall workload is divided fairly, remember that a home is to be lived in, not to keep pristine & spotless in case some government cleanliness inspector turns up, and that a home is shared & the other person living there is allowed to use stuff as well. Their feelings about whether it should be allowed to degenerate into a shit tip or not naturally need to be respected

Next up: world peace, ending poverty, and finding out where all the socks go.

yup

 

[Termite Man]

To be fair if it's something that bothers you but not him he has done it for you .

 

[zoooo]

What annoys me is when one of the parents of a child refers to looking after that child on their own as 'babysitting'.

It's not babysitting if its your own fecking kid!

 

[mrs quoad]

Perhaps you could say, with a smile on your face, a cheeky grin, or whatever you can muster right now: "Surely that should be 'You've taken the rubbish out FOR US'", raise an eyebrow, then laugh, maybe add a tut?

Say this whilst holding a large knife

 

[wiskey]

i have to confess that after a year i still dont know which setting the oven should be on to make food hot

but apart from that we're pretty even.

 

[invisibleplanet]

Say this whilst holding a large knife

No

 

[mrs quoad]

No

Whilst holding a very, very large vibrator and a tub of Swarfega, then

 

[scifisam]

I've also found that taking a different attitude towards cleaning and cooking helps. Yes, I do the majority of the cleaning, but that's because I care about it more. I'm doing it for me, not him. Thinking of it that way, I don't mind so much.

That's not to say that Alex B does nothing, he does more of the washing up than me. But then, I do most of the cooking.

That's my attitude too - I do more because I care more.

However, I do get annoyed by the level of mess, and the bizarre things, like never bothering to close a drawer after getting a pair of socks out and the sofa being covered in packaging because that's where she was when she opened her parcels. It's hardly a lot of effort to close a drawer and put rubbish in the bin.

I might try the 'kitchen or bathroom' thing. Though I suspect she might respond with 'or I could play around on the internet.'

Still, she makes it for it totally in other ways - she's pretty wonderful, really. Having lived with an anally tidy person and had an anally tidy GF, I much prefer this end of the scale.

 

[geminisnake]

what about getting teenagers to do anything in the house without being screamed at?

any advice?

Say DO IT and mean it Or at least have them think you mean it, works for me.

There is also the remove EVERY electrical item from their room, or simply the controller or mouse option.

 

[butterfly child]

To be fair if it's something that bothers you but not him he has done it for you .

Yeah, but you live with Shells..!

"He" hasn't done it for "her", "he" has done it because someone needs to do it, and surely it's not too much to ask of someone who does bugger all else?

There is no need to add "for you".

 

[Melinda]

Melinda - are you my wife?

Oh darling, you make me

 

[Termite Man]

Yeah, but you live with Shells..!

"He" hasn't done it for "her", "he" has done it because someone needs to do it, and surely it's not too much to ask of someone who does bugger all else?

There is no need to add "for you".

If he's done it before he thinks it needs doing then he didn't think it needed doing so he's recognised that Melinda would think it needed doing and did it . That means he did it for her .

 

[Melinda]

If he's done it before he thinks it needs doing then he didn't think it needed doing so he's recognised that Melinda would think it needed doing and did it . That means he did it for her .

Hey, I understood that! He did not do it 'for me!' He lives here too, so surely he did it for 'us!'


@ Marius - cheers for the doom laden relationship predictions!

 

[girasol]

I used to live with someone like that: everything he did was amazing and needed applause, yet everything I did was was taken for granted and never got any recognition at all.

sexist, lazy pig he was

 

[Miss-Shelf]

Say DO IT and mean it Or at least have them think you mean it, works for me.

There is also the remove EVERY electrical item from their room, or simply the controller or mouse option.

the wireless router gets removed quite a lot in my flat.

i did once cut the plug off the tv because i had said i would do it and she said ok then, so I did.

and then i thought if i keep doing this i'll end up with a very short flex so i began to take the fuse out instead

she is currently bribed with the new fancy mobile i got on my house insurance claim - i made her sign a contract about keeping in touch with me/keeping to her jobs etc in order for her to keep the phone......three days and she is using it to keep in touch.....

 

[Kidda]

you dont live with my housemate do you?

He has a nasty habit he picked up from a student house he lived in last year.
We have a kitchen bin in a cupboard, he put a carrier bag of rubbish/food scrapings on the back of the door that the bin was.

When i asked him why he'd done that when we have a bin he said

''the bin was full''

''why didnt you empty it then''

''it's not my rubbish''

jesus wept

The same thing happened with the shit loads of washing up that suddenly appeared from his bedroom and was left on the side

''none of that was mine, ive been at work''

ah so it would be the fucking fairys washing up.

why are people such messy cunts?

 

[JTG]

don't understand that sort of thing. I may not always do the washing up straight away but when I do I just wash up everything that's there, regardless of who created it.

I can't stand filth either. I'm untidy but can't stand proper filth.

 

[wiskey]

i dont need the washing up done immediately but i like it to be next to the sink by the end of the day. it can sit there until theres enough to make it worthwhile doing but i hate it being scattered around the house.