Is it entirely wrong for a boss to ask a member of staff out on a date?

[butterfly child]

Dont' mix work with your private life if you on same level great sometimes' But lots of staff leave the job because of this? boss with workers serious hassle fuc--- the man or woman on the top , who may just wanted an easy shag ,could be nasty court case, and expensive to any boss . dont find out the hard way.

Blimey, jump to conclusions or what!!!

 

[paolo]

No it's not wrong but you have to consider what could go wrong if it went tits up. Most people don't turn into psychos if that happens though so I'd do it. Like I've posted before on these 'shall I shag a colleague' threads, 4 out of 6 of my closest married couple friends met at work and have been married for 10 years +.

How many those were boss-subords?

My suggestion:

Promote her to boss. Demote yourself. Then ask her out.

 

[jimadore]

HI Butter fly child ,Some women I have known are very clever. it happen to a mate lost his business and loads of money she play him for a sucker .no way do i mean all woman would do this? most would settle out of court for a large payday .

 

[isitme]

i thought shagging the barmaids was the reason men owned pubs

 

[zenie]

Both get pissed.

 

[Mr Moose]

She's initiated a snog with you - on the lips? - if so then there's not many women who will do that and not be interested.

Why not ask her to a few neutral things, see a show together, do lunch or something and hold back on any shenanigans. You can see if there's any spark in it.

If you get any impression however that she is a bit unreliable, or flaky, don't bother.

My crystal ball says you'll fall in love, be running the pub together within a few years and it'll go well until you get divorced. Still you'll still own half the pub.

 

[paolo]

She's initiated a snog with you - on the lips? - if so then there's not many women who will do that and not be interested.

Why not ask her to a few neutral things, see a show together, do lunch or something and hold back on any shenanigans. You can see if there's any spark in it.

If you get any impression however that she is a bit unreliable, or flaky, don't bother.

My crystal ball says you'll fall in love, be running the pub together within a few years and it'll go well until you get divorced. Still you'll still own half the pub.

Blimey. You've wrapped a whole rollercoaster relationship into a single post. Do either of them die, tragically?

 

[extra dry]

Don't do anything till you have checked her out fully, find out who her friends are, what her family are like, past relationships,who her ex's are and why are they ex's....just have a dam good look before jumping over the wall....

 

[Agent Sparrow]

I think you need to be a lot more certain that they'd say yes before you'd even consider it. And obviously be totally non pushy.

 

[Jambooboo]

I think you need to be a lot more certain that they'd say yes before you'd even consider it. And obviously be totally non pushy.

How certain can a person be?

I'd agree that he needs to not be pushy. I'd make it as casual as possible; maybe suggest something under the guise of a 'work do' ie. take all the staff out - if it's going to happen it's going to happen. If it were me I sure as hell wouldn't obviously get her alone and then ask her out on a formal 'date'.

 

[al]

Don't do anything till you have checked her out fully, find out who her friends are, what her family are like, past relationships,who her ex's are and why are they ex's....just have a dam good look before jumping over the wall....

wouldn't that just make me some kind of creepy stalker?



or was that a gag?

 

[al]

How certain can a person be?

I'd agree that he needs to not be pushy. I'd make it as casual as possible; maybe suggest something under the guise of a 'work do' ie. take all the staff out - if it's going to happen it's going to happen. If it were me I sure as hell wouldn't obviously get her alone and then ask her out on a formal 'date'.

hmmmmm, not sure that would be a good idea - being on a work do kinda constitutes 'the working environment' and as such means I'm still boss and she works for me so any 'move' could be construed as sexual harrassment, I reckon...

I'm obviously not going to be pushy, never mind the work situation - I'm just not really that kind of person - I think I'll ask her out for a day of 'something' then see where it goes from there....

 

[Agent Sparrow]

How certain can a person be?

Well, sometimes you ask people out just on a whim, because you think "what's the worst that can happen?" I guess I wouldn't dream of asking an employee out unless they were acting in a way which made it quite obvious they could like me. Of course sometimes you can misread signals, but you see what I mean?

In my line of work though, I get the impression it would be a big no no anyway, though I think some jobs make it easier to do this than others.

hmmmmm, not sure that would be a good idea - being on a work do kinda constitutes 'the working environment' and as such means I'm still boss and she works for me so any 'move' could be construed as sexual harrassment, I reckon...

I agree. Plus, I couldn't think of anything worse than trying to explore if an employee likes me with the whole staff group watching you.

 

[al]

I agree. Plus, I couldn't think of anything worse than trying to explore if an employee likes me with the whole staff group watching you.

yup - that as well!!

 

[free spirit]

ask her out on a proper dinner date so you can seperate it out properly from work, otherwise it'll end up being a drunken shag after post work drinks, which then makes the whole relationship more associated with work, and potentially leaves you open to the notion of you abusing your position to get young ladies drunk and shag em.

best to avoid any potential for you getting the rep of a letch IMO, nevermind if the reality of the situation is that she's thrown herself on you... tongues will wag, opinions will be formed etc.

 

[extra dry]

wouldn't that just make me some kind of creepy stalker?



or was that a gag?

it is quite easy and just takes a few minutes on goggle...I mean don't follow her around or anything just have a search and ask around in a low key way....

 

[Frankie Jack]

As her employer you've got to ask yourself a whole lot of questions.. The first one being.. As her employer you cannot make approaches without being fully honest in your intentions.. If you just want a fling.. then don't even go there.. If you're considering a potential relationship then you have to be above board at all times with your intentions..

Check out the legalities and seriously consider the potential outcome.. as any employer/ manager would.. Sod Coronation St type management.. Look at the legalities and commitment..

 

[miniGMgoit]

I'd say it would be fine to ask her out. Its different in some jobs but in a pub, its practically mandatory for the boss to shag their way through the staff.

 

[killer b]

in a pub, its practically mandatory for the boss to shag their way through the staff.

this

 

[kerb]

i was in exactly the same position as you, (except i didnt own the place) and this is how i met my girlfriend. Three years later and we're still going strong. If you like her then there's no prob really

 

[bouncer_the_dog]

Do you live in Eastenders? I not you'll probably be fine..

 

[bigbry]

Hmmmm

Well I run a pub you see, I've got about 12 people working for me - pretty much all part time - couple of shifts a week. There's this one particular girl that works with me that I've been getting on really well with over the past few months - she even grabbed me and snogged me at the christmas party in January, wish I could have taken that a bit further but at that moment I was actually trying to break up a fight (it was quite a party).

Anyway, I've never really mentioned that moment as she was a bit pissed and I didn't want to embarass her but since then we've been getting on really well. She'll often stay behind and drink and chat when it's just me and her and I find myself thinking about her quite a bit....

So I'd like to ask her out to dinner.

Is this totally wrong? Should I just forget about it and wait until she leaves at some point in the future?

Unlike a lot of others on here I can't see a great problem - as you say above she stays behind for a chat when it's just you and her so she obviously feels at ease with you and enjoys your company. Ask her out in a casual way that's not too heavy "Fancy going to the pictures one night ?" something like that. As long as you continue to treat her at work in a professional manner whether she goes out with you or not you should be OK.

 

[al]

Right! I've decided! I'm going to see if she wants to go along to the affordable art fair in Battersea in a fortnight - not too 'datey' but should give us a chance to have a wander round and chat and maybe some drinks outside of work....