Is happiness a choice?

[fela fan]

this is very interesting. i dont think you have to be alone to cut the bondage tho. i think its possible to have a lot of close friends, and a lot of love given and recieved and also have no feeling of being tied to the relationships.

Lonely, alone, aloneness, big differences!

Agreed with your comments.

It's not about cutting our relationships, our friends, it's about cutting our need for them.

Cutting the need is just that. And what a freedom as a result, and just watch how much suffering disappears of its own accord.

 

[fela fan]

Problem is, the greatest fulfilment can come within relationships. It's a risk you can take, or not.

But what you say is not true. So the risk bit is irrelevant johnny.

I would say the greatest fulfillment is becoming content with, happy with, accepting of oneself. When we're too busy chasing relationships with others, we often fail to uncover exactly who we are ourselves.

I would further say that silence is a beautiful thing in life.

 

[Johnny Canuck3]

But what you say is not true. So the risk bit is irrelevant johnny.

I would say the greatest fulfillment is becoming content with, happy with, accepting of oneself. When we're too busy chasing relationships with others, we often fail to uncover exactly who we are ourselves.

I would further say that silence is a beautiful thing in life.

Honest question: do you say that because it's something that came to you, that you decided to pursue, or did you find yourself in a condition of being alone, and did you then build a philosophy of happiness around the place you found yourself in?

 

[Gmart]

Good post, good comments. Definitely about the judging. I am in the middle of wondering if this is just about the worst thing we can do in our lives. Even though it's going on just about everywhere!

And this is what i meant about humans. I should imagine a pig today is exactly as a pig was a thousand years ago, same goes for sheep and cows and so on in the animal kingdom.

We are different however due to our awareness and meta-awareness, and hence we evolve. I think we're doing pretty well on the whole, but with a huge amount of work to complete. The final cog in the human wheel in my book is when perpetual peace breaks out and replaces the perpetual war we have.

And that will only happen when we learn, amongst other things, to stop judging our fellow man, and just accept him/her.

Likewise a good post.

I would suggest that trade has given us peace of a form, in that we are the first generation not to have to go to war. The mutual dependence of trade means that no side can afford a war.

Still I would suggest that there are issues which are not being dealt with by our system!

But as far as happiness as a choice goes, I would suggest that it takes time to recognise the circles we get ourselves into, and that we would be well advised to grab life with both hands and make something of it, accepting that it is not perfect, but recognising that at least we are not going to war. I enjoy life a whole lot more now than when i was involved in activism. Getting upset about a whole manner of things: vegetarianism, environmentalism, my impact on the world, politics.

Now I accept that things are not ideal, and am much more selfish. I don't expect much of others, which is important. Previously I used to complain about others who saw the world differently to me, now I am more tolerant.

 

[i-am-your-idea]

Lonely, alone, aloneness, big differences!

Agreed with your comments.

It's not about cutting our relationships, our friends, it's about cutting our need for them.

Cutting the need is just that. And what a freedom as a result, and just watch how much suffering disappears of its own accord.

But if you feel a need to cut out a need, you are still in bondage?

 

[CJohn]

Lonely, alone, aloneness, big differences!

Agreed with your comments.

It's not about cutting our relationships, our friends, it's about cutting our need for them.

Cutting the need is just that. And what a freedom as a result, and just watch how much suffering disappears of its own accord.

Yes, but needing or not needing still requires an other to take this stance in relation to, which comes back to the foundamental point that 'cutting relationships' is not possible in this basic sense, as we always exist in relation to...

 

[Gmart]

Eh? I don't exist only in relation to others, I exist in my own right.

Living dependent on others might seem very moral, but I think it can erode the soul if taken too far...

 

[CJohn]

Eh? I don't exist only in relation to others, I exist in my own right.

Living dependent on others might seem very moral, but I think it can erode the soul if taken too far...

We're not talking about depending on others in the sense of practically, emotionally or financially depending on another person to aid you or help you through life, give you guidance etc. In a more elementary sense the existence of the self already implies the existence of an other, which it exists in relation to. So, for example, one may be totally independent of the other - in the practical sense of living as a hermit, never interacting with people, shunning what others see as the norm - yet this subject position is always in relation to the other.

Thus, it is in this sense that I said this -

Yes, but needing or not needing still requires an other to take this stance in relation to, which comes back to the foundamental point that 'cutting relationships' is not possible in this basic sense, as we always exist in relation to...

Though I appreciate what your saying too, which I don't think is contradictory to this.

 

[Gmart]

There are other people around, that's for sure, but I tend to ignore them, apart from a few select friends, don't see why people need so many???

 

[fela fan]

Honest question: do you say that because it's something that came to you, that you decided to pursue, or did you find yourself in a condition of being alone, and did you then build a philosophy of happiness around the place you found yourself in?

If you mean aloneness, then i really don't know is the honest answer.

But in relation to the happiness bit, or as i prefer, the contentment by absence of suffering, i find periods of being alone deeply satisfying. I love getting up on days when there's nothing i have to do, no-one i have to meet, nothing on the agenda. Just see what happens, just see who i come across and so on.

I think the beginning of the answer lies with my frequent island visits (in south thailand) throughout the 90s, mostly for two or three weeks, and nearly always on my tod. Obviously i'd meet other people and enjoy their travel tales and so on, but it all happened kind of spontaneously, and only when i felt like talking.

Also, throughout my life i have observed so many petty arguments between couples, so much dependency shall we say, that it became clear to me that the biggest threat to our inner harmony is relationships, and i include family ones and friends.

I place freedom as the highest altar to achieve in life, followed by giving out love. I think when you get one, the other falls into place.

But if one is not content within, i can't see how you can give out love as a default for one's life. Hence the 'selfishness' that gmarthews mentioned just above. In reality through selfishness we can attain selflessness!

 

[fela fan]

I would suggest that trade has given us peace of a form, in that we are the first generation not to have to go to war. The mutual dependence of trade means that no side can afford a war.


Now I accept that things are not ideal, and am much more selfish. I don't expect much of others, which is important. Previously I used to complain about others who saw the world differently to me, now I am more tolerant.

I meant humanity as a whole when i mentioned perpetual war.

But in any case, we may not have war in britain itself, but our country still goes out there and fights wars of its and the US's own making.

Do you mean tolerance, or would 'accepting' be more accurate?

 

[fela fan]

But if you feel a need to cut out a need, you are still in bondage?

Yes you would be.

The trick though is to just drop needs. Or just let them drop of their own accord.

 

[fela fan]

Yes, but needing or not needing still requires an other to take this stance in relation to, which comes back to the foundamental point that 'cutting relationships' is not possible in this basic sense, as we always exist in relation to...

Yes, we exist in relation to universal consciousness (for want of a better term). But finding this out seems to be the hard bit.

I could say the same thing by saying we exist in relation to nature, to existence.

Coming across this concept allows one to cut the bondage that relationships tie us to. In other words, we can continue to have relationships, but without control flowing from either side. Because we know we're rooted in nature, existence.

 

[CJohn]

Coming across this concept allows one to cut the bondage that relationships tie us to. In other words, we can continue to have relationships,

Perhaps your talking about the dichomony of being for others vs. being for self, and the conflict and tension between these positions. But I think this is something we're continually negotiating. I was also saying that both of these poles always exist in relation to, and are dependent upon, an Other. I'd also say that this relation to the other is fundamental to the development of the self, which is in itself the internalization of relationships between the self and object. We're fundamentally relational beings, and I don't think we can escape this, that is not to say we can find more or less satisfactory ways of being with people, and perahps you have found a relation to others that works for you.

 

[alsoknownas]

Even when life is a bit shit?

No. Happiness isn't always a choice.











Anything else?

 

[Johnny Canuck3]

If you mean aloneness, then i really don't know is the honest answer.

But in relation to the happiness bit, or as i prefer, the contentment by absence of suffering, i find periods of being alone deeply satisfying. I love getting up on days when there's nothing i have to do, no-one i have to meet, nothing on the agenda. Just see what happens, just see who i come across and so on.

I think the beginning of the answer lies with my frequent island visits (in south thailand) throughout the 90s, mostly for two or three weeks, and nearly always on my tod. Obviously i'd meet other people and enjoy their travel tales and so on, but it all happened kind of spontaneously, and only when i felt like talking.

Also, throughout my life i have observed so many petty arguments between couples, so much dependency shall we say, that it became clear to me that the biggest threat to our inner harmony is relationships, and i include family ones and friends.

I place freedom as the highest altar to achieve in life, followed by giving out love. I think when you get one, the other falls into place.

But if one is not content within, i can't see how you can give out love as a default for one's life. Hence the 'selfishness' that gmarthews mentioned just above. In reality through selfishness we can attain selflessness!

That's not what I asked: I asked if you developed the philosophy that being alone promoted the greatest happiness, and therefore, as a consequence, you thereafter eschewed relationships etc. Or, did you find yourself in a situation where you had no relationship, others, etc, and therefore developed a philosophy that the state you now found yourself in, was in fact the recipe for the greatest happiness?

 

[fela fan]

That's not what I asked: I asked if you developed the philosophy that being alone promoted the greatest happiness, and therefore, as a consequence, you thereafter eschewed relationships etc. Or, did you find yourself in a situation where you had no relationship, others, etc, and therefore developed a philosophy that the state you now found yourself in, was in fact the recipe for the greatest happiness?

None of that. Your questions must be too loaded, too black and white.

I discovered that aloneness was a great thing. Not to replace anything else, but as an addition to my life. I didn't discover it through any absence of anything else.

And i haven't got any philosophy about it. It just is the way it is. I do it, i don't talk about it.

Well, i am here, but you get the point i trust.

 

[Kanda]

I exist within my means, hopefuly with little, preferably zero affect on others. As long as that is the case, I'm happy generally. That's by choice, if things go beyond my control, I am not happy.

 

[Johnny Canuck3]

And i haven't got any philosophy about it. .

Is all that stuff you were saying just hot air then?

 

[Johnny Canuck3]

I exist within my means, hopefuly with little, preferably zero affect on others..

You're married, as I recall. Surely the difference between your existence, and your non existence, is of huge importance to your wife.

 

[fela fan]

Is all that stuff you were saying just hot air then?

No, it's real, reality, and of substance.

That is not philosophy.

Choosing to live a life of non-suffering wherever possible is a choice, not a philosophy. Discovering the contentment of spending time alone is a reality for me, not something i philosophise about. I just do it.